Newbie Here

[Ready2Change]

I am going to read the rest of the posts, but will respond to this one now:

I am totally family man and don't have a ton of guys I can go out with. And honestly, when I go out socially, I prefer to have my kids with me.

Yup, just like the rest of us. Big 180 is to work on your guy friends now. Go do things alone that you enjoy, and you will meet the guys.

If you lean more introvert, then start leaning the other way. When I go out, I focus on remembering peoples name, and their story. One person at a time. Two or three a night.

[Ready2Change]

My W just left the house and got extremely angry with me. We had been getting along fine in each other's company but she just asked for some cash to go and I gave her a weird look. She took it the wrong way and stormed out.

Anger is better than indifference. Do not fear her anger. Do not supplicate. Do not get baited into an argument. You are the rock. Any emotional response from you will help her "justify" her actions.

THE FIRST ONE TO REACT EMOTIONALLY LOSSES.

[Ready2Change]

you can see that the other person is not who they used to be and its beyond frustrating when all you want is what you once had back...............

Santa isn't real.

"Stockdale Paradox": you must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Have faith in the process and the support group here.

[Ready2Change]

I honestly look as good as I ever have with my shirt off.

Perfect. That helps. More important is your behavior now. How you handle this big $hit te$t.

Woman test their men. Pass the tests. Most of us arrive here without a clue on how to pass these tests. Dig down that rabbit hole. Most of this is in her subconscious. (ie How can you protect her if you can't even stand up to her? )

Do not enter her "Frame". Learn how to stay in your yours and on your purpose.

Dig down into my quotes thread and understand the difference in approaches between ROBX, coach, and puppydogtails. The were DBing gods.

[Kind18]

Kind - thank you for that. A bit of tough love and a kick in the pants. I guess I deserved it and needed it.

All you deserve is happiness and respect.

Yes - 100 percent a PA is a deal breaker. I can positively say that. I couldn't go back to her after that.

Good. That’s a strong man right there.

I'm hanging on by a thread as it is.

Your words become your narrative. Reframe this. “I’m struggling at the moment, but I know it’s only temporary.”

I suspect the EA and may be looking into things too much regarding the PA. I hope it hasn't happened but if I find out, then its game over. I asked her and of course she denied it but some parts of me think she'd tell me.

Wrong. If I was her, I absolutely wouldn’t tell you. That way, I could keep my safety net marriage intact while experimenting on the side. You’re giving her way too much credit in the honesty and integrity department.

She already told me several vicious things already so I almost think she'd relish in the thought of telling me. Thats what the alien is like.

IMHO you’re projecting and over thinking things too much.

I'm making plans to do something Saturday night without the kids.

Good.

To answer a few questions - I was in counseling for 2 months when this started and it didn't help me at all so I dropped out. I think I'm going to sign up for the DB coaching on here. It’s cheaper and would probably be more effective.

Excellent. It’s very common not to gel with all psychologists. Lots of forum members have reported having to try two or even three to find the right one. It’s worth trying this again.

I lost a lot of weight because when I stress, I don't eat. I lift weights 4-5 times a week and have for years. I love it and even through all of this, I still do it. It more effective then a counseling session for me. I honestly look as good as I ever have with my shirt off. A little loose skin on my waist for abs are showing. I don't have the muscle mass I had 10 years ago but I'm more defined.

This is good. Make sure you stick at it! If I were you, knowing food intake hasn’t been ideal due to stress, I’d probably go get a quick check at the local doctor including bloods. Maybe your iron/vitamin d/vitamin b etc is a bit low atm.

Sleeping - how’s that going? It was one of the hardest things for me. I stayed awake sometimes all night and would stress and ruminate. Are you getting 6-7 hours at regular times?

[Keyser77]

Sleeping - how’s that going? It was one of the hardest things for me. I stayed awake sometimes all night and would stress and ruminate. Are you getting 6-7 hours at regular times?

I shoot for 7 hours of sleep each but it has been quite restless since this has started. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I force myself back to sleep.

[Ready2Change]

I shoot for 7 hours of sleep each but it has been quite restless since this has started. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I force myself back to sleep.

I had a prescription from my med doc for sleeping pills. I would take the pill, out 30 minutes later, wake up 8 hours later.

[Keyser77]

My W just left the house and got extremely angry with me. We had been getting along fine in each other's company but she just asked for some cash to go and I gave her a weird look. She took it the wrong way and stormed out.

Anger is better than indifference. Do not fear her anger. Do not supplicate. Do not get baited into an argument. You are the rock. Any emotional response from you will help her "justify" her actions.

THE FIRST ONE TO REACT EMOTIONALLY LOSSES.

The day after and she is clearly still anger if not hostile. I'm putting on a good face and acting as if everything is fine. She won't look at me or speak to me. All of this over nothing but I'm acting as if.

[Kind18]

The day after and she is clearly still anger if not hostile. I'm putting on a good face and acting as if everything is fine. She won't look at me or speak to me. All of this over nothing but I'm acting as if.

This feels difficult for you, but it’s actually great. Strong men don’t bow down to the pressure and bullying of an angry and manipulative wife.

You’ve done nothing wrong. She can be angry, that’s her dumpster fire. Just let it burn.

She’ll respect you more if you stand up to her and ignore her emotional games.

[Keyser77]

I had plans to go out tonight without my kids and they fell through. We're rescheduled for next weekend. W is taking the kids out for the day to a friends pool so I'll be home alone. I'm going to get some work done and head to our community pool. This isn't a 180 as it something I would normally do but better than sitting around the house staring at the walls. Plus there are some neighborhood friends who will be there so it will be good.

W didn't say a single word to me yesterday and I didn't say one word to her. We live in the same house so it can be a bit uncomfortable. There have been many times in our M where we had done this and I had vowed recently to stop doing it. However, she is as cold as ice towards me and I feel like I'd be breaking the DB rules if I tried speaking to her.

I've been thinking about the possibility of OM more and more. Everyone on here in my thread and in others seem to be convinced that there is always an OM. And while I suspect the EA, I don't have any really proof of a PA. We both have location tracking on our phones so I know where she is at all times. Anything is possible I guess. But here's the thing, I want my M to work but if I knew she was having a PA then I would done and not put myself through this torture of dealing with a W in a MLC/WAW. I know I would be totally devastated if it were true but some part of me would find relief because it would be closure. The thought of dealing with this for another 3 years or more only to have it crumble down, I don't know that I have it in me. GAL for me would include female companionship. I'm not getting that right now and I don't mean physically. The "hey! how was your day?" or if something good or exciting happens and being able to share. Those are the things I'm really missing right now. Neither has filed for D yet but this morning I was looking at houses and planning my future if a D were to occur.