So I thought if he came home it would be easier. and I am happy that he is home. at least i know where he is. But the reconnection process is hard. Bd was 828 of 2022. a day before our seven year anniversary. Said he wanted a divorce and then Because he was acting weird I snooped and found out he was having an affair with a girl he met three weeks prior. Of course I flipped out because he was blaming it all on me. and we have had a hard marriage for a while that I had been begging to work on (he is a vet with ptsd symptoms and had a horrible childhood.) so that i know plays a role in this. but I calmed down and said if he cut her off we could work it out. he said all the stuff about he didn't know what he wanted and didn't want to be alone so he couldn't cut her off.
so i go about doing all the wrong stuff get mad and file for divorce and then beg and plead for him to come back. he goes into a full on relationship with her and even introduces our two littles to her within two months. After about 4 months i finally get through to him that that is not healthy for them and he keeps them away from her. was doing and spending money on stuff he never would have at home. went 10k more in debt in a few months. his mother is all ok with him living there and ow staying over with our kids, because as i found out later she had been caught cheating 12 times that I know of and all four of her husbands were the previous husbands best friends.
so we go on him saying maybe we can work it out and him being the ugliest to me that i have ever been treated in my life. completely cruel and justifying every bit of it. in about June he starts to get depressed. starts talking to me more. the lies continue as he swears he is not with ow anymore but i can see her car at his house when i pass by for work. he had also ghosted his whole family other than his mom because they did not support him in this decision.
so we go back and forth and i finally have enough after receiving a txt that was meant for ow the end of July justifying why he was going to stop by and see the kids but that he wouldn't stay long so not to worry. i tell him I am getting of the roller coaster and he had till the fallowing Sunday to end it with her or I was moving on. he begged and pleaded and then went silent. he did break up with her at some extent because her facebook was all sad posts about true love waiting forever. he didn't say much to me for like three weeks.
Then a year to date of him leaving he comes over and stays till 9 to tuck the kids into bed. does this for three weeks and has some monstering moments. all the reasons our marriage wont work out. such as but not limited to I like a different breed of horses than he likes, I ran over and extension cord that was in the carport, i put iodine on a small cut to disinfect it on my son instead of peroxide. you know all valid reasons. then he stayed a few nights on the weekends in the kids room. then 2 weeks ago he came for a weekend night stay and never left. sneaking in a box at a time.
there is no relationship talks and i have worked very hard to not let any anger I have come over me. he is still a little protective of his phone but getting better. I am sure ow is still pressuring him. so I would rather look like the calm better option.
but he has done a few baiting and instigating that i know he is seeing if he can get me to blow up. I have read they will do this to test if you still want them or not. But what are my next moves to build a connection and not stay in the roommate stage? I know this is all new so it will take a while but I want to make the right moves to not mess up. he does talk about the future with things at the house and what not but as far as being engaged in the now he isnt much there. I am seeing him do some things that are even better that he didn't do before but not much. i think he is in-between the depression and withdrawal stage, but when does the actual reconnection start? and what can i do to make sure i do that correctly? O am just lost but doing what i can to keep my family together for my kids. he is still mentally messed up. no memory and confused about all kinds of daily things.
