Long time since I came on the forum. Good to read your updates though.
I can see from your last messages that you are still that amazing person, willing to help and support all those people who are going to the same struggel we all had to go through.
I still remember you were my biggest support over here and I will never forget you.
I'm doing amazing this past year. I will give some heads-up on my thread.
Just popping in and read about your loss, D. I'm so very sorry to read about the loss of your cousin. I have unfortunately experienced that myself, and it's very painful to think of someone you love and grew up with being in so much despair that they feel this is their best option. I tried my best to help my cousin, but it wasn't enough. It's such a very tough thing to wrap your mind and heart around.
I will say that eventually I was able to come to some level of peace with it, but it took a good while. His parents and siblings didn't. Frankly, I don't know how they could. He's been gone 25 years, and I still think of him and hope he's found the peace he couldn't find here. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Again, sorry for the delayed response, but I am very rarely here these days.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I’ve experienced peering into that abyss; being on that precipice. It was an option, fortunately didn’t feel like the best one. Well, more accurately, I got scared.
Sadly, my cousin’s pain and despair were too great for him, and too hidden from everyone. There was no note. No indication. No anything.
I do hope he finds peace.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
i think my cousin left a note, but i'm not sure, nor do i remember being privvy to any contents, but my aunt / his mother was the last person he spoke with, and she did recount their last conversation. all we can do is pray for peace for all concerned, ourselves included.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
DnJ, wow, you have been through a lot. So sorry about your cousin and especially sorry for his wife. What a h*ll she must be going through.
And then the Russian novel of XW continues. I actually think about her from time to time, the difference between our ex-es is so pronounced. She seems to have been a completely different person and then snapped, not only with you but in the way she sees her own children, and I can't wrap my head around a mother being able to love and then suddenly not loving I don't think about my marriage as something real, so it's hard to imagine that playing out in the way it did for you. I'm still not free of my situation, but that update will take me a while to write down and I will try one of these days on my thread. And of course I still think about your kindess and the fact that you would always be there for anyone of us, then and now. ((((DnJ)))))
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Yes, the Russian novel continues. Although the kids and I have next to no snippets of what is going on with her. XW is still highly secretive and evasive!
A few days ago, it was XW’s birthday. I’m not sure how old, 53 I think; I’d have to some math to figure out. Let see, born in, it’s 2024, borrow from the hundred’s and thousands place, yep she’s 53.
Anyhow, on her birthday my youngest son called me. You likely recall, that particular son was XW’s least favourite child. As much as MLCers pick a favourite, they pick a least favourite too. Oh, she missed his birthday, Christmas, treated him mean, and on and on. He stood up to her the quickest of all of the four kids and she did not like that one bit.
He called me about the upcoming birthday party for grandma and daughter this weekend. During our call, he said he had new tale of Mom.
D21 called Mom that morning and wished her a happy birthday. During that conversation XW bemoaned to daughter how S23 hasn’t spoken to her since Christmas. And it’s her birthday! (Mother’s Day also passed by without acknowledgement.)
S23 is still not pleased with Mom’s unrepentant making SIL cry with her tirade during her “visit” to S25’s and DIL’s house in early January. He, S25, and DIL, have had little/no contact with XW/Mom.
D21’s call to brother was at 9:00 am that morning, right after speaking with Mom. So, son texted a happy birthday to Mom. XW immediately replied, “I can’t talk right now. I’ll call when I’m free.” She literally 30 second earlier was speaking with his sister, and now she is too busy.
So fast forward to 4:30pm, and 30 minutes before our call. XW calls S24. Took seven and a half hours to free up some time. lol. Here is the complete transcript of that phone conversation:
S24: (Cell phone rings, sees its mom’s number) Hello.
Mom: Hi. How are you.
S24: I’m fine. (He is busily working on his Master degree thesis.) How are you?
Mom: I’m fine too. I’ve got to go. Goodbye. <click>
Hahaha. Son was laughing as he regaled this incredulously conversation. Like WTF. It was eight seconds long! She couldn’t afford to expend that much time at 9 in the morning? It took seven and a half hours to find time? She so missed him, so upset without contact, and then 8 seconds. If bull-riding she’d be a winner.
Like he and I agreed, Mom/XW needed her fix. He called her. She got her fix. She doesn’t actually need - or cares? In my more charitable moments I do hope she cares and is just not able to, or unsure how to, demonstrate it. Like I said, she doesn’t actually need the conversation part, just him calling first. Like a staring contest.
Oh well. Son and I also agree, no big deal. It’s eight seconds of his life. He texted her first. She just had to complete the transaction. Poor gal. Super lost soul she is.
My cousin’s widow has ceased all communication with the family. My aunt is taking her son’s suicide rather hard. Understandable. Her pain and despair is compounded with her DIL ghosting her. DIL also is ghosting her BIL, SIL, and nephew/nieces.
Technically, she is not an in law anymore. She was related by marriage and that marriage ended upon her husband’s (my cousin’s) death. However, that doesn’t fit the why of what’s going on. No one is considering her not family.
My aunt lent pictures of her son to DIL for the funeral, and she cannot get those cherished photos back. Going into four months now and no communication. This is hurting my aunt a lot. Poor woman has lots on her plate.
Loss. Grief. It comes out in darn strange ways.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Some interesting stuff that came up in my feed today. I swear, my phone is listening/spying on me.
Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
So, plan and prepare for it. Hope for the best, and be ready for the worst.
Kidlin’s Law: When you write down a problem clearly, then the matter is half solved.
50% of the challenge of solving problems is clearly defining the problem.
Gilbert’s Law: It’s always your responsibility to find the best way to achieve the desired result.
Take responsibility for outcomes and you lead a far more successful life.
Wilson’s Law: Prioritize knowledge and learning, and money will continue to flow.
The easiest way to make money is to be a constant leaner. Keep reading and always have a skill you’re working to develop.
Falkland’s Law: When there is no need to make a decision, don’t make a decision.
The most successful people make good decisions and they also ignore things that don’t need their attention right now. Don’t make decisions that don’t need to be made.
There was also a funny cartoon. Search dog hindsight cartoon. That more proves my phone is spying on me. lol.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
