Hmmm believe me I am encountering and dealing with an incredible amount of intense emotions. I’ll get back to this. Gotta get back to work from a break
This is why honest sustained therapy is so important.
Stop looking for reasons to stay stuck and start looking for reasons to love yourself. You are far far more than just a husband or father. Start taking care of the rest of yourself too.
You know the reasons Jesus allowed divorce Rock. You obviously know your ex has hit everyone of them. She cheated and is flaunting it, which is about as ungodly as it gets. Is she a believer Rock, or a believer when it’s convenient?
Your faith is obviously incredibly important to you, and it sounds like it’s apart of your identity. Your ability to take all these 2x4s and don’t even show anger towards strangers on the internet is honestly fairly awe inspiring.
So Rock, as a child of Jesus, as a child from god, how do you think your Heavenly Father feels watching his son waste away because of someone who disrespected their promise to you in front of him?
Honestly I would highly advise you roll out on her asap. But, I’m not ignorant to your goal. Please realize I’m not trying to talk you into a divorce. I’m talking to you into some self respect, because without self respect everything is lost.
Be happy Rock, be content Rock, be interesting Rock, and for the love of god…be human Rock.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Taking this to heart. Honestly, i am also yelling a lot of consecutive f bombs at times normally when no one else can hear but sometimes in therapy or with one of my 2 very closest friends. And you are right Joseph. I am human after all.
Today I took S out to the coast for a day that he and I have been planning for awhile with a group of church friends. Several vehicles full of fun friends. Our thing sans W. I had not mentioned it to her.
W showed up and participated with the community. I took space from her, looking after S and having a great time with friends. She initiated some interaction with me and I kept it positive and brief and moved on. It didn’t affect me much either way having her there.
I think I will send a negotiating email to her tomorrow if I have time after church and before S and I head over to watch the game with friends.
Oh last night, I went and saw some great live music with friends.
Last edited by DnJ; 02/11/2402:43 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
I think I will send a negotiating email to her tomorrow if I have time after church and before S and I head over to watch the game with friends.
I’d stick to the lawyer arena.
You’ve given her opportunity to negotiate and from what I understand she’s not provided anything of substance or tangible; just some vague-ness of not wanting to sell the house and let you and son live there. (I’m with Valeska regarding W’s “generous” offer.)
Also, is W trustworthy? What is she actually doing/preparing that she’s not sharing with you? Be careful Rock.
Send no email to W. If, and only if, and only if truly necessary, and even then still I’d likely - go through your lawyer. Anything else could undermine your lawyer’s intent and actions. Undermine your overall strategy. Besides, W could be having her L draft something up to send to your L. Dig for patience.
Its business. Yes? And business is usually conducted on weekdays. Let this go, leave it to your L, and enjoy your Sunday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Loved my Sunday. Church this morning with D. Had a great time with close friends and S for the big game tonight. Ate good party food. Need to stay on my exercise program that’s for sure. Will have scheduled bloodwork in the am and follow-up appt with doc this week.
Email from W came in with attached list of assets. She proposed a coin toss for alternating pick of items and said she has begun to draft a separation agreement which she will send separately.
She said she had not heard from me in regards to the mediator and went on to say if we can agree on these documents, it’s possible we can find a different solution.
Still enjoying my Sunday. S has gone to bed and I have poured myself a drink.
You took your son on a trip that you and him planned…how did your wife find out about this Rock?
2 emails in a week about your assets. 2 emails her lawyer should be sending to yours. The fact she keeps sending them to you and not the lawyer tells me one of two things. You don’t have a lawyer or she doesn’t care that you do and thinks nothing of it. Weird attitude to have during a situation like this.
Something tells me you engaged her Saturday in a conversation that made her feel comfortable enough to come to you with another email.
Devils in the details and we seem to be missing some details.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
I don’t know how she found out about the daytrip. Someone else from church could have invited her.
I haven’t told her I have a L. I don’t know if she does. She sent me an email a couple weeks ago inviting me to mediatio. I asked her to send me her proposal so that I could review it.
On Saturday I had minimal although upbeat interaction with her and did not engage in conversation.
Why in the world would no one warn you? That’s a pretty crappie thing to do.. to know someone is going through, at minimum a separation, and still doesn’t give them a heads up. I mean heck, I’d give a heads up just so you 2 didn't ruin my trip with the awkwardness..as selfish as that may sound.
I wonder why they didn’t? Are these people under the impression you guys are friends by any chance Rock?
Why pay for a lawyer and continue to have needless interactions? You know where she stands. Don’t sell the house and continue to allow her end of the equity to go up just to force you to sell when you retire? I mean continue to have a way to be connected to her and have more interactions and be plan B or C…..or D.
Rock her proposal was so out there, there was absolutely no reason to acknowledge it. It’s the definition of a non starter. It also shows where she’s at mentally.
If you have your lawyer take over you’ll find out real quick if she has one.
What in the world is a minimal upbeat interaction? Again the devil is in the details..
Last edited by JosephS; 02/12/2411:15 PM.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
