Great post MrP, I'm very happy for the outcomes you're experiencing and how you're handling things. I love the call to action at the end of your post - nothing in life or DB'ing is more important that taking action! And small steps beget larger ones. Keep it up, your patience and self awareness are great examples.
Welcome back, M, and I'm so glad to read your update. Thanks for the kind words. Yes, you caught my "call to action" to try and help people jump-start their GAL work. It really is important for your personal growth, sanity, and even attractiveness (not to seem so desperately accessible and waiting for one's spouse to do anything).
Good evening, all. I'm dropping in to share that progress continues to be positive. Today W got back her wedding rings after some re-sizing and cleaning. She's proudly wearing them again. I received some unexpected thank yous for taking care of several things around our home. Our D14 is thriving at school and sports. We had a family wedding (that I originally wasn't going to attend on W's side of the family) and D14 was quite happy to snap pics of her mom and dad, together on the dance floor. We've had some date nights that have been fun, and playful, and rebuild our sense of closeness. W suggested we may need to see our MC less which I'm reluctant to do so soon.
We still have to tackle some issues related to in-laws, budgeting, and chores. But, I feel more confident that I've got a true partner in solving things....together.
I'll admit that there have been a few things that have frustrated or angered me. I'm more inclined now to have the feelings and not let them drive my reactions and behavior. I take the time to choose my words carefully and re-frame things into requests for more information or careful expressions of my concerns, the impact, and my hopes for solutions going forward.
I hope to share more specific info in my next update but am a bit tired this evening from a busy day at work. Have a good night and please take good care of yourselves. This is hard work to do if we're not at our best.
Hard to believe it has been ~ 2 months since my last update. Once more, I am happy to share that things continue to go well. Our MC is excellent. She is very fair and I suspect is also working specifically on W's anxiety issues and helping to resolve past trauma indirectly under the cover of our counseling. D14 is thriving at school in terms of grades, athletics, socially, and overall well-being. We both are making an effort to be clearer with what we need or want. We're having omre future-focused conversations (about retirement, home improvements, travel, etc.) than we've had in many years. W is still struggling when she thinks about interactiing with my mother as the holidays approach. MC is pushing W on why W continues to hang on to past, negative interactions and even suggested having my mother join a session to resolve whatever is between them (competition of for my attention - I guess that might be a different way of being the "prize"). W seems to be softening up a bit as the holidays approach and acknowledges she needs to speak up more as my SIL does by comparison (and my mom seems to back off/down when she crosses a boundary). Time will tell.
I'm continuing to focus on my well-being at the same time. All the DB work, and much of what MWD says in Change Your Life, has been beneficial across my life. Work, friendships, and other interactions all seem to be going more positively than I can recall before really putting this work in and re-shaping my habits. I'm also trying to help D14, my team, and other friends around me learn some of the MWD and solutions-based practices discussed here.
To those of you dealing with a recent bomb drop, facing a partner with a MLC, dealing with infidelity or mental health challenges, I want to emphasize the need to STAY THE COURSE. One way or the other, it will pay off. You can definitely emerge from the experience as an improved version and an increasingly better version of you can be. I recall how hopeless things felt (both times I've faced a potential D). With the pandemic, global crises, the election here in the U.S. - and all the usual challenges we can face in our daily lives, I recognize how overwhelming things may have gotten for you. Don't give up on yourself. This community remains available to support you. The wonderful author of these books and sponsor of this board....who many of us may never meet....continues to keep this website alive and accessible. Take advantage of it!
I hope to be more present on the board offering whatever help I can now that things are slowing down a bit as the holidays approach. I look forward to catching up with longer-term members, meeting new ones, and trying to pay forward the generosity that continues to exist here in our little corner of the web. Until next time....Mr P.
