Thanks job for fixing my thread and the advice. My plan was not to respond.
Strangely enough, I had no reaction. I have peace. The only explanation for that is God. I'm so glad that 2yrs ago after bomb drop I ran to the church, it was the only place I had peace, now I carry that peace with me everyday. Yes, I do have struggle days, they are far and few between. I know that no matter what happens, I'M GONNA BE OK.
I will continue to stand on the promises that God gives us on marriage. I've turned this battle over to him and I am claiming my victory. Still trusting and believing.
I mean who did he think he was 2yrs ago saying ILYBINILWY...as if. Does H think that in the 32yrs of marriage I haven't had the same feelings? You know what you do you fight through those feelings cause they do pass. Sorry I know that's random. From time to time I think abt things that were said and I think, As If. Certain things stick out the most, like when he said he's a good looking guy and could be with a different woman every night....ok cledus, do what u feel like u need to do. Or when he said in his mind we wasn't together anymore...smh, the multiple times he said we will never b together again, I guess he was trying to convince himself. I could go on and on but I won't bore y'all. I'm sure yall have heard similar things.
I feel like he's circling back to last year when he was so adamant about a divorce, is that common for them to circle back to a stage of MLC?
My counselor said if I choose to stand it would b rough, I'm ready for it. A year ago I couldn't have said that. I've come a long way.
is that common for them to circle back to a stage of MLC?
Yep. That’s the replay stage. They keep circling back to replay, relive, their younger lives.
H’s circling back to the possibility/threat of divorce is due to how he feels. H’s idea that a divorce will make him feel better, that it will be the road to some mythical happiness, is likely swelling up again. It’s pretty common for MLCers to cycle back and forth. H will likely turn up the baiting of you, try to get you into arguments and such. It’s his effort to find/craft justifications for his narrative.
You know better. Let H do the heavy-lifting. Don’t take the bait. Let his rants go unanswered. Remember, believe none of what they say, and only half of what they do.
Do have your ducks in row, and be prepared if H does take a sudden shift. Otherwise, focus on you. Keep living and loving your life.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
All the times that I worked Hard because I believed That life could have meanin' Through things I've achieved You knew I was lookin' for You Every time I thought romance might Fill up the hole That incomplete feelin' still ached In my soul Oh, You knew I was lookin' for You Down a hundred highways of empty pursuit And a thousand foolish things I went through Didn't know it back then, but now I do I was lookin' for You I was lookin' for You When I couldn't find comfort in The things I could buy When the party was over and The bottle was dry Oh, You knew I was lookin' for You Oh, and I went searchin' Down a hundred highways of empty pursuit And a thousand foolish things I went through Didn't know it back then, but now I do I was lookin' for You I was lookin' for You Through the canyons and the heartaches And the valleys of pain And down those pathways full of pleasure And those dead end roads of shame Oh, I couldn't name the hunger That I tried to satisfy Down a hundred highways of empty pursuit And a thousand foolish things I went through In a moment I looked up from down on my knees And I cried out to Heaven I could finally see Jesus, Jesus, I know it's true All of my life I was lookin' for
I guess H is replaying back to when he originally filed, cause today I received his response to my response filed almost a year ago. H still doesn't want to give me spousal support, after 32yrs of marriage he thinks I deserve nothing. My atty says it's a BS offer and asked for permission to be able to remove her gloves. I told her, "you said she was a bad a$$, so be a bad a$$, remove the gloves." H chose this, so I'm not gonna make it easy on him. Just like we tell our kids, there's a consequence to every action.
Of course he doesn't want to give you spousal support. If they had their way, we all would be on the street with a tin cup begging for coins. They want everything they can get and leave us broke. That's not the way the legal system works and he's in for a rude awakening. There are consequences for his actions and just like a teenager, he's going to get a wakeup call because of his actions.
Your attorney can handle anything that is thrown at her and you. I think you already know this...do not discuss the legalities with him. If he wants to talk to you about it, refer him to your attorney. (I would venture to say that the ow is putting pressure on him and that's why he's come back around to this divorce situation.) I hope he doesn't drag this out. Many of them scream and kick about wanting a divorce and then drag it out and lots of money spent when it could have been over and done in a reasonable time frame.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Omgoodness so glad the site is back up. I've missed reading everybody's updates.
The last time I posted I had received H"s response to my response. My atty is handling everything and I trust her. She has requested an emergency petition(whatever that means), if anybody has any insight on that please let me know. I'm just really looking forward to being able to get out of this camper and into my own place. I'm not trying to take him to the cleaners(he really has nothing), just want to be able to afford a place where I don't have to be afraid that I'm gonna b kicked out at any given moment.
I think back to his last text and how kid like it sounded. "(My name), I'm ready to be divorced. We need to end this." Bless his heart(i dont mean that in a southern way, i truly mean bless his heart),he's such a child.
I went with my S25 to help my S22 move week before last. We had a lot of time on the ride to talk. S25 doesn't see that his dad is not normal, I didn't try to convince him otherwise. I'm sure given time they will see for themselves. H is very calm, cool and collected and appears to have it all together and he might, IDK. S25 is so tired of the family get togethers, where everybody is drinking and talking abt who had the worst childhood, happens everytime. H prob went through the most but is a lot quieter abt it in those times then his brother. I pray my boys don't repeat the actions of their father and uncle. Somebody has to take a stand against this generational curse.
Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I've missed you guys.🥰
So I heard from my atty today. His atty wants to know what it is that I want. It's almost like he doesn't even care what he has to do, he just wants out.
I'm gonna need a few days to think abt what it is that I want, besides my husband back. It's kind of strange that I was talking to my BFF abt it, when I told her what I was thinking she said before I even said it she had the same # in mind.
Hi Whatlee - I'm catching up today on everyone's stories. I see your H his moving towards D. I like what job noted - OW is putting pressure on H to D. H feels obligated to accommodate OW request (there may be an ultimatum thrown in there by OW). When I reflect on my H, it's a life of accommodation that has contributed to him seeking himself and the happiness his true self would bring him. He accommodated the controls/demands from parents and quickly transitioned to accommodate me/our relationship for 30 years. I saw his responses as empathetic and compromising through the years. H saw it as accommodation and not being his true self.
As you said, you are plenty more prepared than you were a year ago for the D. And a D doesn't translate to your R being over. It's merely another attempt at happiness from a life of accommodation. And the silver lining may be that you get to move into a different home situation.
Hang in there. We're here for you.
H:49 W:49 M:26; T:32 D21; S23 BD1: Feb 2023 (I think it was a BD) BD2: Sept 2023 Moved out: Dec 2023
I would think long and hard as to what you want. The one thing that you will not get back right now is your husband. So, I would treat this situation now as a business that has gone bust. Think about what you want. You should be entitled to half of everything. If he is so all fired up for a divorce, he may give you anything and everything you ask for. If you want the house, ask for it. You may be able to negotiate with him to buy him out at a reduced rate. Sit down and look at all of the retirement accounts and any life insurance policies you have on him.
When my xh wanted out desperately, he wanted a very small amount to buy him out of the house and at the courthouse, I also, at the last minute, wanted half of his 40lK account, since I was involved in the deposits. I got the $10,000 I asked for and he didn't blink an eye. I'm not saying take him to the cleaners, but you need to think of what you need to live on and yes, you, as his wife, are entitled to some of what has been made while married.
When they are that desperate, they will just about do anything...but be prepared...he may go back to the ow and discuss it w/her and she may advise him not to give you what you ask for. I would hold out as long as you can because at the end of the day, he just may give you what you asked for.
As I stated, you do not want your h back in the shape he is in right now. Leave him in God's hands.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
