Returning newbie here

[lonelee]

Hi
I need some advice. Please and thanks. 20 days ago spouse left.for.another state found new gf .roughly dating six mo. I'm having all the usual feels. I've done the no to little contact. With him reaching out twice once to another person hence wondered if I was mad at him, but today after 3 days no contact us reached out to see how I was . I waited for two hours and he responded with hello? And again with I'm worried about you. So I responded with ill be fine thanks for asking. He said I know you'll be fine I'm worried about your migraines. I responded after heavy thought that they essentially will cont until some things resolve or get discussed further . Kids finances insurance etc he said he gets it lots to work through. Exactly. Hard to do at a distance .not said tho.
I confronted him with some lying about the last six months he said it was not his intentions didn't plan it etc. I asked how in was supposed to trust him now?
He said you'll believe what you'll believe. I said why wouldn't I why shouldn't I please explain.
He said he had no intention of falling for this person, I wasn't looking for it in was perfectly happy I let my guard down. He was in TN. I'm in ME he was constructing a new house for us. I said I understand letting your guard down and distance was not our friend.. He then begins to open up a bit about us falling into a rut not really caring if we were doing things to make each other happy . Our weight no exercising etc. I said we were not discussing openly because we are both non confrontational.. I reminded him how happy we were when we we're happy walking and hiking and that how that spurred us to naturally eat better too. We continued in that manner for a bit with additional kind back and forth chatter. I was pleased. I wanted to end it first . Lol learning . So I said thanks for the chatting I gotta run. And asked for an idea for return to Maine . He replied early Nov .
I said ok have a good day.. He said thanks you too. I care about you. I replied Same

I am feeling hopeful but not over the moon. I think my feelings are in check.
So .... This is a good first step yes?
I played the situation pretty good ? Yes?
Feedback anyone?
Thanks in adavnce!

[Catman19]

Hes trying to have his cake and eat it too. You are not giving him direct consequences for his actions. You should have zero contact with him, hes perfectly comfortable in the situation he has with you now, so theres no incentive for him to realize he messed up and he feels no need to take your marriage and how serious this situation is. You need to make him feel like losing you is a very really and possible outcome of this. You need to talk to people you can confide in and seek out a therapist for yourself immediately. Do not talk to him about how you feel or try to change his mind, he is living in an altered state of infidelity induced reality. Anything you do to try to win him over will be seen in a comparative light to the other person. You should never have to compete for him nor will you benefit in any way whatsoever if you try. He sees you as the reason for his unhappiness in his clouded mind and the other person as the solution to his problem. Let his world collapse with the thought of losing you and everything else you built together. Focus on you first and foremost and then secondly on your children, be their support system but treat him like a stranger with no access to you. He is not your spouse anymore. Hes an acquaintance and a business partner and no more.

[lonelee]

I understand what you are saying. I will continue on my journey of self reflection and distance. However, there are things needing to be discussed on occasion. Also, I thought what I was doing was maybe asking if these were baby steps in the right direction? Isn't that what the book asked us to do was to gauge if there were a reaction to the silent treatment?

[Catman19]

Be business like in your interactions if you need to work out logistics of things. Also do not show any kind of emotions and do not let him use children as a gateway to get to you. Do not try to reason with him, or ask questions of why things happened, do not say I care about you or show him affection that he does not deserve. These things are all hard to do and DB is about doing things counterintuitively, a lot of us came here too late in the process and we made these mistakes because we all thought we could get through to them, or fix things. If you have feelings to share do not do it with him, a good therapist makes all the difference. You are taking baby steps but you have to detach more. I know its not easy but you didnt break this man and no excuse he uses is validx you cannot convince him to see the error in his ways. Seeing he might lose you and seeing you improve yourself is the only path forward for you. Do more activities with your children and work on your health and get out of your comfort zone.

[lonelee]

Thank you!

[DnJ]

Good lonelee

I’m sorry you’re back for another spell. Looks like H is continuing his pattern of bomb dropping.

So .... This is a good first step yes?
I played the situation pretty good ? Yes?

You have made good first steps. Letting him reach out to you, keeping your emotions in check, not pleading or begging or such, etc.

Do continue. Focus on you.

Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself.

I confronted him with some lying about the last six months he said it was not his intentions didn't plan it etc. I asked how in was supposed to trust him now?
He said you'll believe what you'll believe. I said why wouldn't I why shouldn't I please explain.
He said he had no intention of falling for this person, I wasn't looking for it in was perfectly happy I let my guard down.

He is trying to gaslight you, to bamboozle you. “Let his guard down”. BS. Loyalty, faithfulness, and such tenets are lived, are within, are part of a person; one doesn’t have to have their guard up like they’re going to get blindsided by some sucker punch. Most of these folks go looking for it.

I'm worried about your migraines. I responded after heavy thought that they essentially will cont until some things resolve or get discussed further . Kids finances insurance etc he said he gets it lots to work through. Exactly. Hard to do at a distance .

This stuff does take a toll. Do not allow your health - mental, emotional, financial, etc. - to suffer too much.

Dig deep for patience. Go dark. Live and love your life. As if H isn’t coming back. Find your peace.

H is in lala land for the moment. High on infatuation. Anything you try to do to dissuade him will only push him onward. Let go the rope. Or be dragged.

Now, financially. Speak with a lawyer. H was constructing a house for you two. Find out the debts and assets that you are responsible for and entitled to. Dig into all accounts/ pensions/ etc. You may need to consider removing your half from the equation. Unhappy straying spouses can burn through a life time of savings pretty quickly.

If you need financial protection or security - get it!

Doing so will not prevent Divorce Busting efforts. Remember, you have a lot of life to live and fund.

Again, I am sorry you are here again.

I do look forward to conversing with you.

D

[lonelee]

Thank you . I appreciate all of the insights
and support I can get right now.
I have a call into a lawyer.
I am making my own copies of anything important I can find in the house .

This forum will be a source of support until we inform our children, I really cannot use friends or family yet. He states he doesn't have a plan as of yet and doesn't see a reason why things should change.
He states Just stay married he'll keep me on the property and if he dies it'll go to me, which is the right thing to do, as far as the houses , we each have one . He wants me to enroll him in my health insurance again for next year which I have to decide by Oct 29. He states he doesn't have a plan yet for telling our adult children, really ?? what are you doing and thinking then ??? It is hard waiting another 24 days for a return visit to Maine to have th type discussions and with the with kids but I think that's better than a call or text ? I really don't know. So hard and confusing.

I agree I think he's just living in lalala land in a a MLC/OW affair and isn't taking time to think about the seriousness of all of this like I have to. It stinks!!!

[Caligirl]

Lonelee

Sorry you find yourself here . I may not be the right person to give advice as I recently came back to the boards for a second round . One suggestion I would mention is H does not have a plan . Do not make one for him . I went through this a few months ago . H saying he’s moving out and wanted a clear plan . My response was I’ll cross that bridge when we get there and hung up phone politely . I gave him no information . On a side note I protected everything . I own the home prior to marriage .I did not place any funds in joint accounts and continued maintaining the status quo of what I was doing just from my own accounts and even though he has remained home . I have placed minimal in those accounts . Make no long term decisions based off of 20 days . Take time , a lot of time . Your husband doesn’t want anything to change with you? H seems like a cake eater . Most try to be . They want A partner and a solid foundation to run to for security .Some one posted on one of my threads don’t take the bread crumbs . My suggestion goes to you too . Do you want bread crumbs? Sending you lots of hugs . You got this .

[lonelee]

Thank you . I appreciate any and all comments and suggestions because I'm so emotional right now. I need and am asking for support and guidance on this difficult journey.

[Caligirl]

One of the hardest parts for many of us is getting some control over emotions . I remember not being able to think straight and I still have moments like that . It does get a little better each day . What do you enjoy doing or have wanted to do and haven’t tried ? Try to get out and about a bit more . Learn to ignore phone calls and messages . I don’t know if it was here or somewhere else I learned it but I set the 2 hr rule . If it’s not an emergency and I want to respond most times I wait 2hrs . I have some younger children so those I respond to if needed . If it’s not a question don’t respond . H wants nothing to change but it has for you . You are worth more than a BD number 4 or a person to have when he needs . If you want a chuckle I travel once in awhile a distance for work not overnight but can be long day here or there . I give H limited knowledge of where I am now . I used to give everything . I think he planted a tracker or recorder in my car . Man is worried I’m planning the great escape on him over here .

[job]

I would also check your computers (at home) to see if he has planted something on them. Check your cell phones for trackers. They are very easy to install.

Do not think for one minute that they wouldn't do this. My xh did this with my email and how I found out was when his mother called and told me about a couple of conversations that I had with someone from this Board. Once I knew about it, I began searching and found the culprit and removed the command. Boy was he angry not being able to know what I was posting to others.

They become the exact opposite of the people you once knew and trust me...they lie very well.

[lonelee]

I am trying to remain focused on detaching, this is very hard. Spouse has texted me first many days this week. I usually wait to respond by an hour to two depending on the question. I typically respond with little input as to not engage. He has been very kind, offering to take care of me, referred to me via my pet name from him and acting as though he is concerned. Also just asking random questions for my input on things. He has also begun chatting in a group chat we had with friends that he had stopped doing at the onset of his leaving as well. (It's been 24 days however it feels like it's been at least 3 months) Of course this all has me confused and guessing what he is up to. I want to ask but I don't want to ask.
I think I should just continue to be nonchalant and continue to see what unfolds.
What are your thoughts? please and thanks.

[Caligirl]

It is hard and doesn’t feel right . My take on the group chat is they either avoid or try to save face . He is trying to alleviate guilt by say “I’ll take care of you “. There are some really good members on here who gave me some what I call stern advice on not responding or how to respond . At first I listened to everything H was just spewing . It took some time to just learn how to shut that down . I see your children are older . Exactly what type of input is he asking for ? If it’s random and has no significant impact on you or children at that very moment I wouldn’t even respond and go completely dark . I found when I gave a few examples I got useful feedback .

[lonelee]

He just asking general questions about stuff here in maine. Unfinished business that was started before he left. Nothing kid related except for one thing he could have waited to see in our family chat but asked me instead. I had a procedure with anesthesia and he wanted me to let him know "when I wake up!!". That's where the " I'll take care of you" came from. And then he had made some chainsaw carving gnomes when he was home and asked if I thought they would make any money ? Just general conversation stuff.
We havent had any real type conversations other than what I had reported the other day about how he felt we had stopped trying to please each other and letting ourselves slip into old habits . That he let his guard down etc. And I didn't offer much I just let him speak and didn't ask questions of him because I'm not sure that I should. Even though there's many I want to.

[DnJ]

Good Morning lone

I think I should just continue to be nonchalant and continue to see what unfolds.

Focus on you. GAL. H needs to feel the loss before he will/might turn back.

I didn't offer much I just let him speak and didn't ask questions of him because I'm not sure that I should. Even though there's many I want to.

Good job. You are correct in not asking him a bunch of questions (or pleading, begging, etc.). That stuff is pressure to these folks. Too much pressure and H will run right out the door.

If he offers dialog, just listen and offer no solutions. Validating his feelings is a good idea, while remaining pressure-free. To be clear, that doesn’t mean you become a doormat to be walked all over. No way! You employ rock-solid boundaries against disrespectful behaviour, and still be kind and cordial.

And know, boundaries will be tested. H will push and prod and run head long into your boundaries. Let him. And do not waiver. Your boundaries are for you. People will treat you as you let them.

Keep any conversations business-like and/or with a generic feel. Utilize the 24-48 hour rule: Allow yourself 24-48 hours before responding. This allows you time to calm your emotions and answer from a place of reason and detachment. It also allows you time to decided if you actually need to respond. Those general questions from H, is him trying to assuage his guilt. No need to reply to that stuff. Let him feel the loss.

It takes time for H to burn through his anger/feelings towards you. Some of his texts and stuff will be him trying to re-ignite his feelings. Don’t take his bait.

Going dim/dark is for your mental/emotional health first and foremost. Coupled with 24-48 hours, which will limit conversations, and in time H might come up with: “Hey, lone hasn’t been bugging me for a while, and I’m still upset. Hmmm, maybe she’s not the cause after all.” And maybe H starts looking inward. Or maybe he redoubles his upset-ness and blame and justifications. Shrug, you cannot control him, only yourself.

Time is a gift. And you have the gift of time. Use it wisely.

Focus on you. Dig for patience.

D

[lonelee]

I was weak and I sent a text that said . I am sorry for my part in the breakdown of our relationship and he replied . " You did nothing wrong" he asked if we could talk tomorrow. I want to ask him if he is texting because he is working things through for himself or if he is reconsidering his choices but I'm not sure if I should .
I also want to tell him that all though i appreciate his concern I cannot have daily communication with him because it is giving me false hope. I want to tell him unless he wants to re consider his choices and discuss those then I would be willing to have that conversation. But I'm afraid of that too. I don't want to push too soon if he is working on things.

1 - is it too soon for me to confront him about texting me if he is re considering ?
2- or do I just tell him that I cannot have daily interaction because I need my space to move on with out him.
3- do I continue to do the same withdraw, not text first , be business like and not show any emotion but be a friend, be cordial and kind?

This is so HARD!!!!!!! Help me get THROUGH THIS! I appreciate your support!

[DnJ]

Hello lone

Yes, this stuff is difficult. And counterintuitive; it will feel wrong. Hang in there, you will get through it.

My two cents:

1 - is it too soon for me to confront him about texting me if he is re considering ?

I know you want answers. However, do not confront him. Besides, it’s just words from him. Actions speak louder than words. And these folks will lie and manipulate. H is the opposite of who you once knew. Believe nothing he says, and only half of what he does.

2- or do I just tell him that I cannot have daily interaction because I need my space to move on with out him.

No need to tell him. Go dim/dark.

I totally get you needing space to heal and find detachment. Telling him to do something is trying to control him/the situation. You cannot.

You can only control three things: your thoughts, your actions, and your reactions.

Therefore, to not have daily interaction with H, put all correspondence - texts, emails, voice mails - from him into a pile and deal with it once a week.

Once a week, maybe every Wednesday evening, you look at whatever texts/emails he has sent. Sort them into stuff you need to answer - business type things - and the rest. Give yourself 24-48 hours to absorb the business stuff. 24-48 hours allows your emotions to calm; allows you to decide if you even need to reply; and for that you decide to reply to allows you do so from a place of logic and reason (you can even make a draft replies and run those by someone or even here, tweaking until satisfied).

3- do I continue to do the same withdraw, not text first , be business like and not show any emotion but be a friend, be cordial and kind?

Yes. I like this approach. Be businesslike. Utilize 24-48 hours to gather yourself before responding, choosing only to respond to that which requires a response. Do continue being kind and cordial. Not friendly, more treating him like you would the grocery store clerk. Polite. To the point.

H needs time and space to sort himself out. Give him plenty of both. Don’t worry, when H is ready, you’ll know.

You be busy. Focused on you, kids, and grandkids. GAL. Be dim/dark. Let H wonder what’s going on. Live/love your life.

D

[lonelee]

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it very much! I guess I'm doing ok, all things cosidered. My heart and my head are so torn . I am really anxious too as our anniversary is on Saturday and I'm already dreading the time. Gal is a little hard because we have not told anyone yet. I have one friend I can speak with and this board for support. I want people to know but then again I don't want people to know. I'm scared and lonley! I am also currently out of work so I have a lot of time on my hands that is not healthy for my mind. I need a new daily routine!! I am keeping a daily journal and I am reading a lot but I've run out of books speaking to this way of working a seperation. I just got the five love languages and the men are from mars women from Venus book, I am willing to take suggestions on other reading material. Thank you again all!

I need a new daily routine ...I need a new daily routine...I need a new daily routine

[Caligirl]

A new daily routine will help . Just getting outside and venturing off for a walk . My dog I swear is my new unofficial emotional support animal . Will go just about anywhere with me in my truck .

The I don’t want to tell people or them to know is just tough . I did not go blasting my H affair but I did lean on my close circle . The anxiety these stitches cause can be hard to handle . It is hard not to reach out to your H for support because that is what you have always done . Lots of space . Lots of space . They need it but mostly you do . Listening and knowing when to cut off toxic or unhealthy conversations takes time . I had one a few weeks ago . H was going on about something . I don’t even remember what , that’s how much it didn’t bother me . I said if you keep going I will hang up . H said go ahead and hang up to almost taunt me . Didn’t even flinch . I hung up . And no I didn’t answer the calls when he tried to call back . H came home later and said sorry I was way out of line . I swear they are like children . Hasn’t happened again . You will see a slow shift of you set the tone for communication . Trust me they will push the limits on it . One thing that was helpful was a member suggested boundaries . I picked a few that were just for me . If the random texts are causing more anxiety as DNJ said cut them off and lump them into once a week or do not engage in it . Hang in there . You got this !

[lonelee]

My husband is such a dumb individual! He started texting me as I stated previously, and saying all these things that of course I wanted to hear from him. I was actually thinking he was having second thoughts. In his mind HE thought he was helping me by telling me about all the great things we had and wondering if he was making a mistake. DUH. But then said well I'm not saying I'm NOT going to stop seeing her. I totally fell for it. I forgot the believe nothing what they say and half of what they do. I actually asked him if he was that dumb, to think that he was actually helping me by saying all the good stuff about us. I stated it was BS. And that all of that was him helping himself feel better! It has been a difficult time for me being embarrassed and humiliated thinking he was changing! To top it off it was our 33 anniversary this past weekend and we did some chatting it was highly emotional for me. He stated out of respect for me he was spends the whole day alone. So BIG of him!

So here I am starting ground zero again and I'm really mad at him and myself because before he started texting me I was starting to feel a bit better like I had more control over my emotions and now I feel deflated! However, I know if I can do it once I can do it again!! I just need to stay furious at him for ONCE in my damn life!!!

Again I appreciate any additional support you all can give because I literally feel very alone in this journey. I have reached out for counselling, and am waiting for call backs as I'm looking for additional support and coping strategies.

Thank you all for listening, again

[grok]

Hey lonelee,

Again I appreciate any additional support you all can give because I literally feel very alone in this journey. I have reached out for counselling, and am waiting for call backs as I'm looking for additional support and coping strategies.

Thank you all for listening, again

I felt like this too. Start reading threads you see linked in the stickies or .. heck, I try to put a pile of links in my threads. Go back and read through them.

Or there are 14! threads of quotes. (big thanks to Ready2Change) Read, track back to the source link if it resonates, and read the thread.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2943653

You are far from alone. Even if we are not physically present to give you a {{hug}}.

go ahead and let it all out here. even if we don't always reply all the time. As Caligirl just said to me the other day -

I find this the safest place to do it as we have all been in or are in the same raft .

...back to work for me....

g

[Caligirl]

Lonelee

The best thing you can do for yourself is to not even engage in any of the talk about how he feels or what he feeds you . Right now he is all mixed up . Do not respond . Few members on here pointed out and the more I dive deeper in this I see too , our spouses become very good liars . They also know how to get us to soften . When they feel you pull away , they try to rope you back . Do not take the bait . You will stumble . It’s ok we all do . Eventually you will learn to just pause and not react . Takes time . I’ve fallen overboard off the raft as grok quoted earlier . I was drowning . I came here and many members jumped in to help be back on . That little bit of normal or calm you felt while not talking about your R strive for that again .

[DnJ]

Good Morning lone

all of that was him helping himself feel better!

Yep. They will say all kinds of stuff to assuage their guilt/shame/etc. In a similar vein, they utilize all manner of blame and justifications to alleviate their feelings too.

And they pop out more during anniversaries and other special dates. The past weekend’s 33 year anniversary being an prime example.

He stated out of respect for me he was spends the whole day alone. So BIG of him!

Good for you seeing right through his BS. There is nothing respectful about what he is doing.

I was starting to feel a bit better like I had more control over my emotions and now I feel deflated! However, I know if I can do it once I can do it again!!

Absolutely you can do it!

It only feels like you are back at ground zero. You aren’t. You have knowledge and experience. Gained hard-earned wisdom in the latest exchange.

Everyone has setbacks. Which turn out to be rather misnamed in my opinion. These times usually end up promoting significant forward progress for the LBS.

You got this my dear. Focus back on you. Keep moving forward.

D

[MamaG]

Lonelee, I caught up on your thread and totally remember feeling as you described. Reluctantly, I listened to DnJ and eventually dropped the rope. I still get sucked in but have come a long way. It's hard. Very hard. What feels logical and normal was changed up.

Giving my H space is the greatest gift I've ever offered him. And, turns out it was a gift for me too. I'm not longer on the emotional rollercoaster. Aim to not reach out for 2 days and then see if you can stretch it to 3 or 4 days. With time, it'll get easier. Not easy. But, easier.

We're here. Supporting you. You're not alone.

[lonelee]

Thank you everyone! I appreciate you all supporting me and letting me know I am not alone and not quite the idiot like I feel. Believe me I've beaten myself up a lot so I appreciate your kindness where live been much harder on myself. I will be keeping my distance and my comments and thoughts to myself going forward in conversations with spouse and sticking to business only.

[lonelee]

I made it seven days no contact! He contacted me and I did not respond. It's a start. Difficult indeed!

[Caligirl]

Lonelee

Good job not being roped in ! What are you doing for GAL and to improve you ? Best version of yourself . Keep distancing yourself . H is on a rollercoaster you are not getting on .

[lonelee]

TY Caligirl!

I have been trying to engage with family and friends frequently. I have been journaling daily my thoughts and fears, reading here a lot and have finished both DB books. I have some additional self help, self improvement books on standby and have scheduled a therapy appointment for next week. I'm feeling ok but just feel like some outside unbiased solutions/suggestions would benefit me. I have also scheduled an appt with a lawyer to get some questions answered for myself for some piece of mind even though neither of us are thinking we want to divorce at this time. I'm curious about the need for a legal separation, perhaps.

Always looking for additional support and suggestions that anyone may have for me! Thank you!

[DnJ]

Good Morning lone

I made it seven days no contact! He contacted me and I did not respond.

Well done!

Give yourself a good 24-48 hours before responding, if at all. The couple of days grace allows your emotions to calm and to see if his communication even requires a response.

I have also scheduled an appt with a lawyer to get some questions answered for myself for some piece of mind even though neither of us are thinking we want to divorce at this time. I'm curious about the need for a legal separation, perhaps.

Knowledge is power. It is wise to seek counsel. To gain information about your situation - rights, responsibilities, legal options, likely outcomes of said legal options/actions, and so forth.

If you need financial protection or security, get it. Elsewise, leave the heavy-lifting to H. (IMHO )

I'm feeling ok but just feel like some outside unbiased solutions/suggestions would benefit me.

Reading, journalling, self improvement books, the inner work, engaging with supportive family and friends, all good stuff. Also, GAL!

Get out and do something - for you! With you! Go for a walk, a jog, a run. Dig a garden, shovel snow. Go to the gym, join a kickboxing class, beat up a punching bag, whatever. Sweat out those feelings. While engaged in activity one let’s go of (doesn’t focus/reenforce) their feelings for a while.

We all live and travel four roads/paths - physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. These are all interconnected and influence each other. Feeling sad causes similar thoughts and moping around, for example.

Out of the four paths/facets, we only directly control two: physical and intellectual. Our thoughts, actions, and reactions. We directly control those. We have the ability to immediately escalate or extinguish our actions or thoughts. Which in turn affects emotions and beliefs.

Emotions are born from our non-rational realm. They can be triggered or initiated by thoughts, activities, and other inputs; both internal and external. Feelings are quick to rise and quick to extinguish, if/when not reenforced. Feelings are fleeting. As one’s subconscious calms so do their emotions.

Beliefs, values, convictions - the spiritual path - is the slowest to alter or change. This slowness to change, this lack of knee jerk altering, makes this particular path excellent for one’s headings and direction. Especially, once one has categorized and (re)realized their underlying tenets and values. Strengthening that which serves, crafting that which one aspires to, and discarding/altering that which no longer/doesn’t serve.

To follow one’s deeply held tenets brings very few regrets. (Decisions based upon emotions almost always lead to regret, for the “reason” for the decision extinguished rather quickly and the consequences can be very long lasting, even permanent.)

However, that belief work is a long project, and one needs to be detached.

To influence one’s emotions, to influence one’s detachment:

As mentioned earlier, it is interesting how our emotions affect our thoughts and activities. The converse is equally interesting and very important. One’s thoughts and physical activity affect/influence one’s emotions (and beliefs). And we control our physical activity and thoughts!

An experiment/example:

Smile. Right now. Smile.

Bigger.

Curl your lips up. Show a little teeth.

Ok, relax.

Now, frown.

A big, pouting frown. Lips and forehead pursed down.

Ok, relax.

See how when smiling, you felt happier?

See how when frowning, you felt sadder or less happy?

Even forced smiling and frowning, affected your mood/emotions.

Our subconscious reaction is just that - a reaction. And we can directly influence it. Note: not directly control it, influence it. We directly control the stimulus. The thoughts and actions.

This is the “magic” of GAL. Living and loving your life. Doing things for you. Focusing on you. Finding you. Picking up hobbies and joyful activities you likely set aside for marriage and family. We all did, by the way. Responsibilities, work, kids, etc, all commanding/requiring parts of our day. Along the journey, over the years, we lose touch with some of that deeply held, profoundly held, joy and identity. Find you - again.

Likely, you will discover you are not far off the mark. You lived/live authentically. You just feel lost.

Detachment. Time and space. Finding you. Allows those feelings to flit. Yes, new feelings will pop up, and one allows those to flit as well.

Eventually one’s beliefs likewise (re)discover/regain their foothold too. Which definitely promotes and influences one’s tenets.

We live on these fours paths; like cars along life’s highway. When your four cars - physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual - are all travelling together, side by side, the same speed, and the same direction, you have peace and contentment.

All journeys, no matter how epic and grand, all start with a wee step.

It can start with the smallest of actions - a smile. A walk.

D