G, I love that you've earmarked payment #19 and beyond to you and your kids. And you have specific plans that you have given thought to. Dreams. Prioritizing you! This makes me smile.
The corvette sounds like a fun car to drive as a young adult. I know as a 19 year old, I would have looked forward to time with dad to 'fix it' and then drive around in it. Checking and adjusting as a team. Great idea and a practical approach. As for the motorcycle, sounds like there's some history there and you are making plans. Happy for you. Oh and college pymts...
Investing in you and your kids. This is how I define joy. Although as Valeska has pointed out, perhaps I've taken my 'investing' too far with adult kids. Mine are less young adults...perhaps even adults.
While you stop in to SD, give my S a big hug from MG. One day sounds silly but I've been where you are and sadly, understand. Traveling does provide for time for self. To think. To live. To enable children to move into adulthood. They'll be better for it....and you're seeing that already based on your posts.
Originally Posted by G
leaving expectations behind
XW did not like it when I remarked at mediation that I was unwilling to subsidize her (choices). Internally I had decided only I was willing to do limited alimony so my children could have their teacher and transportation while I have a full-time day job. I know what she was capable of doing/earning. I she had pressed I would have pressed an imputed income claim.
She of course took it in ways not intended so she could be offended. Yeah, all those reasons we are told to drink that STFU smoothie.
You are a wise man. Reasonable and measured. You know your worth. It took me a bit to get here and the weight on the shoulders has gotten lighter.
Wow, has it been almost a month since my last post?! The month has been.... a time of consolidating myself. Of focusing inward and being present. Of feeling and contemplating as the two-year mark approached. That night of March 27 that kicked it all off when she said she wanted a separation, that she had "feelings" for another man. I didn't sleep at all that night. I left before anyone was up, drove to a local preserve, then started walking/hiking until after dark the next day.
Of course, at the time I did not know she was MUCH further along down that road or ... as this text editor just suggested to me ... that rabbit hole. I wondered and watched myself for thoughts and feelings that would surface this month. Many have. And then I realized on Saturday the 29th ... that date of terror had passed ... a few days ago.
Ha! I have been busy LIVING. I'll call that a marker of progress.
Discussion at work
Sitting at work, at a coworker's desk so as to log into a network not available at my desk, I was listening to the conversation around me between coworkers I don't' know well. Two men and one woman. Not young and not old since this is a place for skilled and experienced people. It was about relationships, Divorces, etc...
G, "I have learned a lot about these things over the last two years. Things I never expected to need to be smart about. Maybe I should have been growing and learning about these things...
Man 1, "Financially, people take a big hit if you split." G, "True. I will never catch up on investments. I had been thinking about why that is. If you take a typical professional couple's assets they will fall out something like 30% in the house, 10% cash/savings, 60% investments/retirement. In my divorce 50% is mine and I kept the house and children. So my share is the 30% house, 5% cash, 15% of the investments. With compounding, that 15% investments will never catch up to 60% it was before."
Man 2, "Some men never recover themselves." G, nods and just thinks. His statement echos what my best man said to me when we reconnected last year. "G, I see so many men get stuck after a divorce. They cannot see that there is more life out there. I'm so glad to see you are working forward."
And it seems to tie in with the red-pill community notion that men are actually the more romantic and idealistic ones ... women the more mercenary. Men often seem to recover much slower than women who seem to move right on to the next man who "conquers" them.
Which lead to a discussion of why and the effects of rampant social media use, the attendant ego inflation because of attention, and I introduced new words - hypergamy and solipsism.
When snooping, I found my XW demonstrated hypergamy with her statement to OM, "I didn't know I could attract someone like you. I should have had higher standards before.". That pierced. Even when I know for our first two years together, she was a mess, emotionally and otherwise. I spent the time as her rock and she stabilized.
The latter concept illustrated by the story of how Legos eventually was successful at selling products for little girls. It had to do with when little boys played a character, some Lego minifig, The LITTLE BOY took on the CHARACTER'S TRAITS. When little girls play a character, some Lego minifig, The CHARACTER takes on the little GIRL'S TRAITS.
Also illustrated by a meme making the rounds. A man and a woman take a picture of some scene of interest. The man's picture is of the scene only. The woman's picture is of her, with the scene in the background. Both consider it a picture of the scene. For her, the scene is only important in the relationship to her or the status it gives her. For the man, the scene is interesting in and of itself.
The female co-worker is nodding her head to this.
Continued DB reading
The latest...thread series by ScottB - WAW Hired a Divorce Coach.
I'm not finished yet. Many strong advisors in this series - LH19, Ginger1, SteveLW, Traveler, Ready2Change, Steve85, Sandi2, bttrfly, ... And many more.
There are also great linked threads such as "WAS Script" which is about the script elements and how to respond, often counterintuitively, to those elements.
And then I realized on Saturday the 29th ... that date of terror had passed ... a few days ago.
Ha! I have been busy LIVING. I'll call that a marker of progress.
Yes, definitely positive progress.
I’m glad the day passed smoothly and beneath notice. Such a present day accomplishment was likely unfathomable two years ago. Ah, time. That precious gift.
Well done my friend. Continue moving forward g.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Well, the previous sub-topics will have to wait another day. I've been thinking and feeling and connecting
Originally Posted by DnJ
I’m glad the day passed smoothly and beneath notice. Such a present day accomplishment was likely unfathomable two years ago. Ah, time. That precious gift.
with something my mom sent me the other day.
Originally Posted by texted by G's mom
Thinking of grief, of our own and especially dear ones… Jim Carrey is believed to have said: “Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.”
In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.
Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.
There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.
Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart. And in time, through the pain, you will find a degree of healing—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together. (Attempted to find the author, but at this point, anonymous) 💕
In reading this I remembered and cycled back through two years of emotions. couldn't breath. couldn't see. couldn't hear. and then the world faded back into being.
G in response, This is ... True. I think. The nearness for me ...means I have a hard time responding. Perhaps in small doses. I have waked the narrow path between falling into Jade, hard as can be or on the other side into nothingness. It is no longer a knifes edge but I feel it still.
I connect this also to the thread of thought that men often express love through commitment and sacrifice of parts of themselves. Some authors expressed it akin to cutting off an arm or a leg. Now ... It feels like I am missing an arm or leg. that place where a wife once was connected is partly healed over. a tender wound. a place where I was once a larger whole. yet like phantom limb syndrome, I have "the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there."
For readers who have not guessed by now, I don't move very fast emotionally. Both toward and away I move in ways that tend to the permanent or long term. With that in mind, "he truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it." seems to describe me.
In that sense I "find a degree of healing—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together."
Holding on to FAITH. For carrying both .... well, you all know.
"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken" Psalm 55:22
For HE is older than the sun.
Older Than The Sun - Colorvault
You’re always to remember I’m older than the sun I’m stronger than your foes He had to let you go For him who I am
(I’m older than the sun) (I’m older than the sun) And you’re my loved
g
H:55 XW:50 D19, D18, S13 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23, DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W leaves 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
One day sounds silly but I've been where you are and sadly, understand. Traveling does provide for time for self. To think. To live. To enable children to move into adulthood. They'll be better for it....and you're seeing that already based on your posts. 
