Titled in line with an earlier consensus of the regulars …
And a title style taken from the Rebuild of Evangelion
(I’ve watched the original series, series revised ending, first movie set, and the rebuild. There is so much human and metaphysical symbolism packed in there …. )
So far away, I'm dead awoken And I'm faded, out of breath Life falls to grey, hope of the hopeless And I pray without a prayer
Cut my cover down In the hollow between, you find the venom in me Rip my world apart In the sorrow beneath, you find the devil in me … Life falls to grey, hope of the hopeless And now only dust remain Tear my head apart A broken life has left me born to burn … Stay forever in the light I awaken, I survive And I still hear the call of life I'm taken by the tide
Arise! … Stay forever in the light I awaken, I survive And I still hear the call of life I'm taken by the tide!
g
H:54 W:50 D19, D17, S12 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23 DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W moves out 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
To me, love and marriage is so much more than a feeling.
I see XW now and do a double take. At first it looks like my W, then does not... It's as if the W I had is seen through a smoky and distorted funhouse mirror.
Her face fades...I still recall...the dream of a girl I used to know...as she slipped/walked away
I hear you man.
Also, Boston is awesome!!
(Another excellent artist and album: Chicago and their album Chicago 17)
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Aftershocks… great way of putting it . On either end of this I find we are all in the same space . They are so random too . Just hit you out of nowhere. Music is a bit of a trigger for me . Not mine but H music . For months he was listening to random bands last year . Now if they come on awkward because I’m over in my head thinking who he likes that song about . Throws me for a bit . Any specific thing that triggers your after shocks ?
S12's birthday today! He is now officially S13. I have three teens in the house
We did presents opening this morning. (Good God! that battery powered nerf gun shoots hard! ... that's why eye pro is included in the box...) D17 was primary decorator. D17 and I shopped over the last week. D19 took him to Universal theme park yesterday, just the two of them, for the whole day. I paid his half.
D17 has a friend who makes cakes so I ordered one from her. It looks great! We'll do the cake tonight when XW is over bringing D17 home.
Aftershock triggers ...
Caligirl, it's been kind of eclectic. I wonder sometimes if it isn't a combo of a trigger and an internal build up that must be released. Things that point to the void between what is and what should have been. Some recent experiences ... and writing them down now brings some tremors.
- OM related...
Not so much anymore, but just like you mentioned, things that made you wonder. See her madly messaging in her car. Hear a small airplane fly overhead ("oh, OM flies overhead to show he's thinking of me").
- In church yesterday.
D17 and I entered and saw Grandpa sitting in a pew waiting for us. We sat beside him of course.
In the sermon... Upon returning to origin, without spouse. Bitterness.
Ruth 1:20-21
“But she said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the LORD has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?”
BANG trigger. I couldn't breath. Aftershock.
I do/did feel that way. I GET how she felt. Every issue XW raised could have been straightforwardly worked through. Are they distortions due to OM? or am I such a failure that the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?
But Naomi was not yet seeing the bigger ends and the blessings…I.e. Ruth was with her. And that was not the end of the story ....
- Music does it for me also.
I am an 80's kid...(Thanks DnJ for the Chicago 17 reminder ) Here's one from the other day, a new release from an 80's band. Such a cheerful pop synth sound woven with a touch of Melancholia (def. a condition characterized by markedly depressed mood, bodily complaints, and sometimes hallucinations and delusions). Playing of the themes earlier discussed of death and divorce. There is a lot of overlap. Substituting in the XW for "Mum and Dad" in the lyrics and see what you think.
It got me on first listen. I like the song. I can't listen without tremors. Yet. Catch 22.
Say Goodbye To Mum And Dad - by Tears for Fears
Say goodbye to Mum and Dad Say hello to all the ghosts of Leningrad Everything is up for grabs Go tell all your friends society's gone mad
God is wise and Jesus loves us all
It's no life, this island of fear When tomorrow comes We'll brave the wild frontier Get out this place Inside, outside, nowhere to hide When tomorrow comes We'll face the great divide
Say goodbye to Mum and Dad (Say goodbye to what we had) It's a dusty road of faded photographs Wipe that welcome from the mat (Walk the dog and feed the cat) Things are broken and they're never coming back
God is wise and Jesus loves us all
It's no life, this island of fear When tomorrow comes We'll brave the wild frontier Get out this place Inside, outside, nowhere to hide When tomorrow comes We'll face the great divide
g
H:54 W:50 D19, D17, S12 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23 DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W moves out 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
Love the music you listen to . Many of my favorites too ! Love the 80s . Half my Spotify is all 80s . My kids randomly sing old songs too . Quite cute when people see them singing along too .
Distortion omg yes !!! Watching H slowly clearing that confusion up is utterly insane some days . They lived and continue to live a distorted life until it clears for some . I’ll give you an example . I asked H when I first found out why he cheated . H in one of his many spews said I felt like our marriage was over . I said why ? He said he felt like we co -existed and gave me a long list of everything I don’t do for him . I didn’t respond to much of it . Wasn’t wasting my breath. I waited now and re-asked the question . H - something was wrong with me I felt alone and chasing something that wasn’t real and realize now I should have just put the energy into my marriage. You are exactly the same person you have been . You just don’t ignore me as much anymore . Truth dart thrown - you are home and not cheating so I won’t ignore you . H agreed and said I don’t know how you even deal with me . I can say this was not a thing that changed in the last 6 months . This was 4-5 years of chaos to start seeing a shift that has stuck for the first time in a very long time . It is nothing you did or didn’t do . It is excuses they use to fuel their fires . H openly has said you made it easy to run when you would get upset at something . It got extremely hard to run when you started not even saying a word and got up to do your own thing like you didn’t even care . Stay your course Grok you are doing really well . I keep up with your posts and read some of the old threads .
When I went to bed last night . It was the first day that I noticed that nothing has triggered me since bomb drop . Even the few months before bomb drop when he wasn’t cheating . I still had triggers and anxiety . Day by day they get better .
) Here's one from the other day, a new release from an 80's band. Such a cheerful pop synth sound woven with a touch of Melancholia (def. a condition characterized by markedly depressed mood, bodily complaints, and sometimes hallucinations and delusions). Playing of the themes earlier discussed of death and divorce. There is a lot of overlap. Substituting in the XW for "Mum and Dad" in the lyrics and see what you think.