The start of a new year. My heart is full after a rich and deeply meaningful holiday season.
My hopes and dreams are for health and joy for myself and my family. I am investing there and excited and encouraged with hope. I anticipate joyous celebrations, parties and feasts not the least of which surround Ds upcoming wedding.
I am prepared for challenges, difficulties and discomfort the best I can be and I intend to stay on course.
Eldest D got away from the SoCal fires safely with her little family today and I am profoundly thankful.it was hard to concentrate on work today but I did while also checking in with D lots and keeping family apprised. Heading to bed tired and happy.
The western sky is beautiful at dusk after a long Saturday at work. Further south those skies are horrific, apocalyptic. I am thankful for shelter and safety as I pour a glass of wine and put on a chill before dinner playlist for son and I.
I have one day off tomorrow to start the week. Church, family and then a run followed by sauna and steam. Opportunities for social dancing tonight but I might stay in.
Taking some time in the mountains again. it is a great change of pace. the weather is phenomenal and ive been enjoying good company and recreation. I get some work done up here as well. sometimes a change is as good as a rest.
been looking for a little time and energy to update here. i have ben reading others' stories and finding inspiration from your courage.
I suppose i am well into or perhaps beyond the last resort. Nothing clear or concrete has taken place to indicate that I am saving my M. I am however moving forward doing what i understand to be right for myself, my family and who i am meant to be.
The pain and anger are there but different now. I have been able to process quite a lot. I can quite objectively and honestly look at and address my weaknesses and ways I contributed to the breakdown of the M. And somehow now I am able to separate that and also objectively and honestly look at and tell the story of what W did by cheating. And I believe I have made progress forgiving while also being resolute that there is no way I am ok with infidelity.
As i was alone out in the wild yesterday i was imagining telling someone maybe W with great calm in my voice, "If you could imagine the most painful thing you could find to willfully do, it would be to be unfaithful, to embark upon an affair, to reject me and not be willing to talk about it or work on our M."
So here I am completely focused on other things. Learning, feeling and facing life and discomfort.
Kudos to you. I see lots of positivity, and calm, measured responses in your interactions.
Importantly, I really see a man who has started to identify his self worth. When you love yourself, then you really develop the ability to live within the now. Temporary uncertainty can be acknowledged, but fear of the unknown doesn’t control and consume you.
Just dropping past to congratulate you on your obvious personal development.
To be fair, I was fairly tough on you and swung some pretty brutal 2x4’s. I guess I saw some parts of my old self in you, and so felt invested in helping you through it. Perhaps at times I was too blunt, but it ultimately came (like all my posts) from a place of care and kindness.
