9 year update:

[Mowgli]

I posted this over in "Piecing," too, but thought I'd put it here as well...

9 years!

I have to say that life has been pretty good to me. Family has been a huge priority for us, and that has paid off.

I think the question people will have is some form of "Did you ever get over it?"

I think the answer is neither "yes" or "no" The reality is that a person cannot go through something like I went through and remain unchanged; trauma like that is something that changes you, for better or worse. In that regard, I guess you could say "no," I didn't get over it, so to speak.

BUT...

You find ways to cope, just like any other challenge or obstacle. There's all of this uncertainty and doubt at first and then you find this "new normal." You both put in the work and you start building the life that makes you both happy. It's called "piecing" for a reason If you view "getting over it" as rebuilding, then "yes," I'm getting there.

I am satisfied in the life we're living right now. My W would say the same. No marriage will ever be "perfect." As people, we are too good at screwing things up to ever hope for that. I think that's where we are, now. We see each other as "real" people. She has her flaws, and I have mine.

So What's making it work? Choices. I wake up and choose my family every day. I know that I could leave and, because of the work i've done (much of it facilitated by people on this forum!), I know I'd be more than ok. I CHOOSE not to, because I love my W and I love the life and the family we've created together.

"Do you still think about the A"

Yes, but it's not in concrete sense. I still deal with "triggers." Things I hear people say, or images or dialogue in media can take me back to a place I don't like to go, but it's for moments now, not hours or days, or weeks.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that, right now, My marriage is in a good place.

I'm in a good place, too, and this board is a very big reason for that. The community here impacted me in real and measurable ways, and so -from the bottom of my heart- I want you all to know how truly thankful I am that I stumbled on this board in September of 2015.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Mowgli

It’s wonderful to read your update. A solid grounded “real” viewpoint. And yes, choice is at the heart of pretty much everything.

I too am thankful I stumbled upon this board years ago.

Again, a wonder update.


Did your story ever get posted in “Another Divorce Busted”? If not, i’d love to submit a summary of your story. If you’re interested, please post your summary and I’ll get it moved into the “Busted” forum.

Have a great day.

D

[grok]

Thanks Mowgli,

for returning and helping "fill in the blanks." There are many fewer of these stories posted. And for "paying it back" by helping with what you see with time and perspective.

g