The day of my Dad’s passing (last Tuesday) I phone all four kids and told them the sad news. I told them that Grandma and I were doing ok, that there was no need for us to all get together right now, and we should likely get together on Saturday. I honestly don’t what I was thinking. Just numb I guess.
Anyhow, after my call, the kids all spoke to each other and my second oldest called back telling me that they were all coming out. He gave me their itinerary of when they were arriving. They stayed until Sunday.
Like I said, I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course family gets together during times like this.
The kids were awesome! They brought meals and disposable dishes. Grandma and I didn’t have to cook once until Monday after they left. Basically same with dishes. And Saturday, the day of the interment, I just tasked them with looking after getting some snacks and such as we had a few extra family attend.
My sister also travelled out for the week. She stayed with Mom, which was nice as Mom wouldn’t be alone. Once they were up and about, they both came over to my place.
It was a full week. Feeling a lot longer than it actually was.
My Dad a few years ago had a health scare and put pen to paper writing down a bit of his life story and some of his thoughts. As per his wishes, I promised I would read it at his funeral. Which I did.
It wasn’t a formal funeral, just a gathering of family. Dad’s words, his caring and loving of his family was spoken out. It was very lovely.
And of course, he passed on some advice from beyond the grave of it’s ok to be sad, but keep living. Move forward with a smile on your face and spring in your step. Not a dry eye with earshot of his final parting words.
So, my life is getting back, returning to, finding its new normal. The house is getting cleaned and organized after so many people and so much celebrating. Pictures and flowers still on the table. Other items having more cleanup priority. A few more days, and those too will be put away.
The process of cancelling various bills and such has started. Dad’s room at the care home was cleaned out on Thursday. It went really well with all the kids. They all got to see his room and help carry his possessions to the vehicles.
Mom (Grandma) and I have gotten together and started watching a new series. Following Dad’s advice and wish that we move forward. Yes, at times it does feel (seem) a bit weird. Such is grief. Been there, done that.
Ah, acceptance. Emotional understanding. I suspect I will not dwell in depression for too long. My 80 year old Dad had many “come to his dead bed” moments over that past couple of years. Still, knowing and accepting are two different things. I’ll just keep going on and let the future reveal at its pace.
Take care and be well,
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
With the holiday season winding down, many spouses that stirred up will start to settle down and even disappear for a spell. Treat this lull just like their holiday attentiveness, it means little. Do not read too much into these things.
Hopefully your holiday season was pleasant and even joyful. Embrace the lull, accept the gift of time, the peace from the situation. Refocus onto yourself (and your kids) and make your new year for you!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Many of the spouses will pop back out in the early spring. They tend to disappear when there are holidays and events that they need to be "present" at. They can't handle family affairs because they think that they have been judged and do not want to listen to any advice that other family members may want to offer.
Do not worry, they will be back out in full force very soon. I haven't seen one yet that didn't pop back out of the rabbit hole to stir things up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
