I was tired and unwell yesterday, which also led to me feeling quite sad and emotional. That's not like the old me. I just sat with it, felt it and was glad that I can feel. I saw somebody write that a period of feeling down usually comes before the next wave of detachment and I think that is true for me as well.
Continuing to invest in myself for the foreseeable. That's my plan.
IC for me next week. I'm proud of my changes so far but I feel my trajectory might be plateauing a bit so I want to find what I need to keep making progress.
I saw the info about setting goals and I think I initially set myself too many. I was trying everything, researching everything, but not finding peace. The advice I have been given here is helping me understand I need to accept where I am find peace with it and be a bit more deliberate and purposeful now.
My work suffered a bit due to lack of sleep and being distracted but I spoke to my boss, who is understanding and supportive, and gave him a heads up as to some of what was going on. My performance wasn't so bad that he noticed but it was good to give a heads up and now I am getting back on track.
I'm sure everyone will agree that BD puts you in a spin and for me I realised I was at such a lack of understanding about the situation.
I was reading everything; is it MLC? is it limerance? is it an affair? is it avoidant/anxious attachment? is it depression? is it stress? is it unmet needs? Love languages? Our spouse can't (or won't) give us coherent answers, and we should know that questions are pressure so we dont ask anyway.
Turns out it's all of these factors playing into it and possibly more (hormones?). This understanding is a bit of a comfort and will possibly help in the final R or next relationship but right now concentrating on me has brought the most benefit.
I am grateful that my situation seems to be on the 'milder' side compared to some I've read (so far - who knows what's in store). I'm grateful my wife is at home being a great mother and being an 'ok' wife. There are marriages that probably exist like this for years, it is just not what I want to accept.
There have been times when I caught myself laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I have been positive almost throughout and I think that will help me continue.
Just to log some things that might be useful info to some others coming along later...
Bomb drop and other affair fog talk I heard: I never loved you Wish I didn't feel this way Fell out of love 2 years ago W saying she only got married because of pressure from her mum and my mum. W Saying I didn't want to marry and she forced me into it. W didnt feel love in my wedding speech W never saw herself staying in our house forever. Some talk about an ex from years ago that was 'proper love ' I think because he dumped W and therefore she had to chase him.
Later withdrawal talk: Doesn't see a future in our relationship Feels at a crossroads Doesn't want MC because she doesn't want to be told what to do.
It is interesting how these folks do seem to follow and speak a similar script.
W is walking her path and you need to walk your’s. Keep moving forward, and continue to make positive changes. Be kind and cordial, listen when she wants to share, minimal pressure, and such. You cannot control her or her path, yet you can influence it. Be a lighthouse.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
