Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[MamaG]

Hi G!

Before providing an update on my thread, I read through your update and focused on the bold theme before each song. It hit me. If you read it with the MLCer hat on, it fits. If you read it with the LBS hat on, it fits. I sat and pondered. Two journeys. Two different journeys. Two similar paths.

Your update hit home here. We fight. We fight for ourselves. We fight for our kids. We fight for what matters.

We cycle. And then we cycle again. Who are you? Where do you go now? Depending upon the day, the answer can be so different.

Time. You have the gift of time. Keep living life. And loving life. The answers will come. The answers may change. New answers are sure to come. Like you, I keep loving the kids. Keep being a stable parent.

[grok]

Thanks MamaG. I mean to write two thoughts in reply and look what happens!

Before providing an update on my thread, I read through your update and focused on the bold theme before each song. It hit me.

I'm glad what I was trying to say ... made it through.

If you read it with the MLCer hat on, it fits. If you read it with the LBS hat on, it fits. I sat and pondered. Two journeys. Two different journeys. Two similar paths.

Very true. Stick around here long enough and read through archives ... The commonalities between the LBS and MLC/WAS/WW/WH are notable. They are in crisis ... and so are you after having a bomb dropped. Yep, reactions to crisis run along similar paths

And talk about similar paths - the LBS often ends up ready to be a WAS. Your latest update sounds like you are starting to perceive that feeling and start asking that question.

Me? Well, the "wife goggles" dropped off a while back. I am divorced. The unanswered question... would I even want this version of her back? Or perhaps a better question would be ... would this new version of me want this version of her back?

Unanswered because ... I ... choose not to address or worry about things that don't need answering right now.

Your update hit home here. We fight. We fight for ourselves. We fight for our kids. We fight for what matters.

We cycle. And then we cycle again. Who are you? Where do you go now? Depending upon the day, the answer can be so different.

I still do cycle. Though muted now. and irregular. Usually, some minor trigger like discussed with Caligirl previously. I mostly have my peace. The questions continue to sit patiently for my answers.

Lots of thoughts along those lines I have in my head prompted by your latest update.

Time. You have the gift of time. Keep living life. And loving life. The answers will come. The answers may change. New answers are sure to come. Like you, I keep loving the kids. Keep being a stable parent.

I just let my cycles just flow though. now. Paraphrasing the Litany Against Fear from Dune:

I will permit the cycle to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the cycle existed, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

for

Life is to Live.

Dogs. Church. Grocery shopping. Separating angry sisters for a while. Cooking meals for the week with one daughter. A little Superbowl party with my kids. Being sure to thank the other daughter for cleaning the house with son. Chuckling and overseeing D19 and D18 who wanted to try having - a Cosmopolitan and Spiked Ice Tea. Kids troop out for a five-minute goodnight to mom at the curb. Cleanup. Empty the dryer. Nighttime routines.

Working on returning to my source of being. In accord with the way things are.

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu

g

[MamaG]

Having a full house is exhausting. I can appreciate that. On the flip side, it keeps you on your toes and certainly occupied. So occupied that you can "choose not to address or worry about things that don't need answering right now." That's a good thing right? You can think things through thoroughly and at your pace. There's that gift of time...

Alternatively, an empty nest provides for the option to think and overthink. Routines are here but dogs are less demanding. Heck, I even find that Dog2 is perfectly comfortable not waiting for my return to take care of his business. He only requires food and water. Outdoor trips are optional.

Loving the littles, or not so littles, while they're still at home was heartwarming. I also remember the craze and how stressful it was.

I still do cycle. Though muted now. and irregular. Usually, some minor trigger like discussed with Caligirl previously. I mostly have my peace. The questions continue to sit patiently for my answers.

Lots of thoughts along those lines I have in my head prompted by your latest update.

I admire your patience. Perhaps you've always been patient. This is something I've worked at for 2 years. And still work on.

Hopeful that prompting thoughts in you led to self-reflection...and eventually the answers will come.

[grok]

Just back from two nights away from home for work. Up to NC for a day to get a demo of a vendors next generation product.

I set up S13, D18 and D19 for success before I left. They can run the household just fine for a few days. Dishes tend to wait until I come back and enforce washing though....

This time around it appears XW did spend a 4+ of hours each day here in the home with the children.

Before I left -

D19, "Dad, I don't like it when you're gone."
G, "OK. Though you know you are all capable children and do very well even when I'm not there. What bothers you when I'm not here?"
D19, "I know ... but I'm always worried if something happens how I will get help. Which friend I'd call to ask their Dad or someone to come help."

I reassured her she is smart and capable and will deal well with whatever comes up. It stuck in my mind she didn't mention XW. That bothers me a bit. I'm still mulling over exactly why it bothers me.

On the practical side, perhaps I need to put a call list on the fridge of people she can call.

g

[Caligirl]

Grok

Even just a close friend who they would call . I think my oldest child has the phone numbers of my besties and would gladly call them .

I feel for you but being the solid parent is just that . The solid parent . My older children do not go to my first H for anything . Nada zip zilch . I never talk about my first marriage , I call it a quickie . Very young . Had two kids and split very quickly . Never even looked back .

You gave good advice and confidence. Kids need that even when they get into adulthood. They are still kids . In my 40s I still call my parents mommy and daddy . If I call my parents home and say “ I need to talk to my father “ my mother will hand over the phone to him and say it sounds serious she asked for her father prepare yourself . Ha !

You are doing great parenting!!!