Newbie Here

[Kind18]

I wasn't sure if I should share this or not but I'm so confused and taken back by it, I feel like I need some opinions. I somewhat told part of the story so here goes........

The other night W brings up something to almost entice me into an argument. I don't take the bait and employ my DBing practices. She storms off to bed, comes back downstairs to continue the argument. I DB the entire time. This goes on for about 5-10 minutes. She tells me to contact a lawyer because she can't do this anymore and she is done. I tell her I am standing for the marriage and if she wants a divorce, then she needs to proceed because I'm standing for this marriage. She storms off to bed and about 30-45 minutes later I get a text (I'm downstairs laying on the couch) asking me to bring her something. I figure its a test of some sort. I mean 30 minutes earlier she is saying she wants a divorce. I drop off what she ask on the table without saying a word and starting heading out of the room. She ask me where I'm going and I tell her downstairs. She ask if I want to lay in bed and watch TV with her. I am taken back by it but accept the invitation. About 5 minutes later she initiates sex. My W is super attractive and I am attracted to her so I don't turn it down. I sleep in bed that night and have ever since. The next day is a somewhat normal day but then the following day and every day since then (5 days later), she is back to be distant and doing her thing. I am following suit by keeping my distance and living my life. I guess there is progress there and I'm not trying to read too much into it. I know the MLC mind is all over the place but does this seem like normal MLC behavior? She even held my hand at one point in the middle of the night that night. She hasn't done that in a very long time. Two days later, the alien hasn't appeared but we not really talking either. I am so confused.

Your DBing is working 🤷‍♂️

I wouldn’t say it means your marriage will be saved, because the stats say that’s still not particularly likely. And even people who DB like absolute bosses still get divorced.

Having said that, you’re doing all the right things to maximise your chances.

She was testing you, and you passed with flying colours:
- didn’t get emotional
- didn’t bow down to her manipulative pressure (stormed off to bed)
- didn’t punish her for her tirade by refusing sex

You were strong, resolute and unaffected.

My guess is she’s noticing your changes and wanted to test the waters to see if she could break you. You didn’t break and stood up to her. She found that attractive and wanted sex.

All makes perfect sense.

But as R2C says, you have to double down. She’ll continue to test you like this for months or perhaps years to come. She wants to see if you have really grown a pair and will stand up to her.

NEVER initiate sex. Let her work for it. The most attractive thing to a woman is a man who doesn’t need her.

When you go out to the concert, wear classy clothes, new cologne, and don’t give her heaps of attention. Tell your friend’s wife how hot she looks, don’t initiate hand holding, and don’t turn down flirting or attraction from other women at the concert.

[Kind18]

I don't take the bait and employ my DBing practices.... ....without saying a word and starting heading out of the room.

These are attractive behaviors. Keep adding to your attractive behaviors. Keep drop ones that are not attractive.

I tell her I am standing for the marriage and if she wants a divorce, then she needs to proceed because I'm standing for this marriage

Only say (important) things once. I f she questions you on this again, look her in the eyes, hold contact, tilt you head, and in your mind, say this really slowly "I have already told you I am standing for our marriage" wait for her to break eye contact first.

She storms off to bed

Glad you didn't follow...She is attempting to manipulate you.

About 5 minutes later she initiates sex. My W is super attractive and I am attracted to her so I don't turn it down.

Put this in your good memory vault. Do not initiate sex, let her do the pursuing. Between encounters, do your research and learn some new bedroom behaviors. You want her pleasantly surprised each time.

I guess there is progress there and I'm not trying to read too much into it.

Baby steps. Focus more on how you are behaving during the interactions and not asmuch on her behavior. Enjoy every interaction no matter what emotional state she is in. BE the safe one for her to express her emotions while you are the emotional rock.

She even held my hand at one point in the middle of the night that night. She hasn't done that in a very long time.

always be the first to break contact. Making and breaking contact, increasing the sexual tension, are good skills to have.

I am so confused.

YUP. normal.


It has been awhile since I read the art of seduction, but I believe it has great information on ways to behave when interacting with WAS.

Have a great, amazing weekend (no matter how W is feeling).

All excellent advice. R2C is right on the money 💯💯💯

[Ready2Change]

You didn’t break and stood up to her. She found that attractive and wanted sex.....NEVER initiate sex. Let her work for it. The most attractive thing to a woman is a man who doesn’t need her.

Most likely her behavior is subconscious as well. After she initiates, then you can take the lead. You should be a challenge.

When you go out to the concert, wear classy clothes, new cologne, and don’t give her heaps of attention. Tell your friend’s wife how hot she looks, don’t initiate hand holding, and don’t turn down flirting or attraction from other women at the concert.

And this should be your new normal, with or without her in your presence.

[Keyser77]

Thank you - thank you - thank you! Everyone's advice has been spot on. If I am being honest, when I first started on here, I was skeptical. One of the things my W wants is more attention and DBing is counterintuitive. But the more I buy into it, the more I can see some changes. I don't question advice anymore, I just follow it.

Yesterday was another NEW normal day. She had a few bouts of anger and I was calm, didn't react to it like I normally would and continued on with my DBing. We all went out shopping and to dinner where for a few hours she totally normal. She brought up the R and said at one point said that she wants to this work out and keep her family together. I listened to her but then changed the subject. My kids were able to hear some of the conversation so it was best to move on anyway.

[Kind18]

Thank you - thank you - thank you! Everyone's advice has been spot on. If I am being honest, when I first started on here, I was skeptical. One of the things my W wants is more attention and DBing is counterintuitive. But the more I buy into it, the more I can see some changes. I don't question advice anymore, I just follow it.

Yesterday was another NEW normal day. She had a few bouts of anger and I was calm, didn't react to it like I normally would and continued on with my DBing. We all went out shopping and to dinner where for a few hours she totally normal. She brought up the R and said at one point said that she wants to this work out and keep her family together. I listened to her but then changed the subject. My kids were able to hear some of the conversation so it was best to move on anyway.

Hi Keyser.

Any update on your DBing?