Thx... had a reall good trip visiting my boys. Good fun ! I really love them very much.
I think I'm getting too old for "air" travel.
Left my place at 5:30am. Drove 2 hrs to the airport. 1 hour wait there. Flight delayed by 1 hr. Arrived in Calgary barely on time to catch my connecting flight to Kamloops. Arrived there on time. My boys met me at the baggage claim area. My clock was now at 4pm. Stayed up with my boys until 3am my time. Return flight was the same. Arrived home at 2am.
Another 5 months has gone by since my last post here !
Life in general is good. Especially with my new friend. She's terrific.
I would like some input from all of you about the following.
Thirty-six year old daughter and her husband have separated. About six months ago. It's ammicable. The grand kids are fine...I think. The kids spend Monday to Saturday morning with their mom. The rest of the time with their dad. That doesnt' leave much room to see them. We make lots of effort to visit them and do so. We also extend regular invitations for them to visit us. They almost always have an excuse which is understandable.
My lady friend contacted my daughter about coming out on Sunday. It's my birthday. I love birthday's and special occassions. Here's my daughter's latest reply...
Good morning E - A and I have decided that coming that way is too much for us this weekend. Thanks again for the invitation. ...k
The words "too much" was frustrating to read.
My friend's reply to the above was....
Oh that is disappointing, but we understand............another time? Please give the kids a hug from us, K, and enjoy your weekend. E
Last year my D went to great lengths to help my cousin plan a surprise visit for my birthday. Plus she and the kids stayed for most of the day and evening. It was great fun. Best present I've ever had.
We've given my D a lot of space since her separation. She's not only a single parent but she's also working full-time on her second Master's degree. Life is hectic.
Is there anything else I (we) should be doing? ...Soup
As a single mom who just finished her Master's degree, while working, while going through the D process, I can totally relate to ANYTHING being "too much"!
I am sure it is not about you, in other words.
Just last night I looked over at some clothes I got, mail order, as a graduation gift. They don't fit. I need to return them. That little errand has been pushed to the back burner and now, I realized, it has been 3 months!
If you want to help your daughter just let her know you are supportive without pushing or prying. If there is anything you can do to help with the kids that she would gladly accept go ahead and do that.
I am not sure if that is what you were asking! Hope it helps a little bit.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Thnx for the personal insight. I think I knew that this was all about my "self-cherishing" since I love birthdays so much. Just needed someone to remind that it's not about me.
She knows that I'm there for her. I've helped with money. Anytime she calls about looking after the kids I'm there for her. As well as for her husband. ...Soup
I think I may understand where your D might be coming from...
In my case, sometimes when I am doing a lot of different things that draw on my emotional energy, I sometimes drop the ball on things that appear to be relatively simple and less taxing.
For example, right now I am busy with the work, proving myself to new clients, admin, accounting, etc. associated with my firm. I am also engaged in activities associated with Operation Stork. It takes a significant amount of emotional energy on my part to keep it all together and not get overwhelmed or miss something.
I tend to drop keeping up with my friends when I am operating at my "emotional keep it together limits." Just the simple act of calling a friend or making a lunch appointment just seems to be the straw that breaks the camel's back when it comes to crossing the "overwhelmed" threshold right now.
Sounds odd doesn't it - the very activities that in reality help me relax and feel less overwhelmed are the ones I bump from my schedule.
Your D has a lot on her plate. She probably has juggling being a mother, working full time, and going to school down. The separation is relatively recent and adds single parenthood and emotional, financial, etc, adjustments to her life.
Attending your party may feel like it is too much for her right now.
You are right, this is all about where she is emotionally in her life right now. It really isn't about you. I suspect, she probably feels guilty for not making it to your birthday party.
Actually it may even be a compliment, she can drop the ball a little with respect to you right now - and she knows that you will understand.
Give her time to get her life back to where it is manageable for her again.
You have been one of my strongest supporters of my starting my own firm! So, I thought I would share some good news with you. I hit a milestone yesterday!
I have done some work for Big Client - and yesterday, I received feedback that I will be getting more work from them!
This is the work I've gotten b/c of Emailing Man. The people that send out the patent work work for him. While he could get them to send out the work, it was up to me to prove myself to the people that work for him. And I finally did it! Emailing Man turned out to be a really good guy. We are really good friends now.
I have another client, a University client that is also happy with my work. I talked with them over the phone after a referral from a friend and they were impressed enough to send me work! I am going to fly to their location in the next couple of weeks to meet them face to face.
I have a set of potential clients that I keep in touch with regularly - they are work in progress.
The annoying start-ups are gone.
I love the people I associate with through work. The inventors span many different nationalities and reside in many different countries. The attorneys think globally when it comes to business strategies - especially Big Client. They have locations and contractors all around the world. I am much happier in my little bubble - political happenings here in the US feel so removed from my world these days.
Also I had felt like I was giving up when I left the large law firm environment. It turns out I have gotten the attention of many of the large firms in the area. I am now a "proven rainmaker" and therefore in demand. I have finally had the opportunity to make my point - Accommodate women (and men) that are trying to balance family and work. Otherwise, not only will we leave, we will become your competition!
Thanks for your unwavering support. It really helped! While there are always unexpected twists and turns - I have no regrets about going out on my own. Perhaps in a couple of years, I will start to expand my "family friendly" firm.
Incidently, I wear whatever I want these days - I dress professionally - but no longer limited to gray and darker gray! LOL! You have to really dig to find a grey hair on my head. I can pass as being in my 20's in bad lighting and early 30's in good light. And none of it has affected my credibility among my clients. None of this has affected my ability to compete with 50 something gray haired men!
On the personal front, my mother is DB'ing me! I think her C is guiding her - this is very different... And needless to say it has me completely confused. Changing established patterns do take time and work for both the DB'er and the one who is being DB'eeed. I can relate to the WAS way of thinking! LOL! She is being consistent... It is interesting being on the other side of the fence and seeing my own reactions! LOL! I am cautiously optimistic... We'll see.
All in all life is better than it's been in a very long time!
So good to hear that life is treating you well and that your business is growing. Remember, the first two years are wonderful. Year three becomes a "bear" but hang in there. It gets better again in year four. And knowing you're running your business you may not even have a bad year three.
My friend's sister-in-law works for a medium sized Toronto patent firm (90 lawyers). She's worked for the senior partner for more than 25 years. She thinks her boss is great !! Treat her family really well. They do have some large clients that you'd recognize. All the lawyers in this firm have an engineering background like you do.
I spoke with her during the Easter holidays about work in the USA. She mentioned that they've not had good luck in the States... again, it's a special geographic area that needs hands-on. She also mentioned that good US patent lawyers are hard to find. Thinking of you, I asked her if her boss would consider the idea of having someone in the windy city work with them on occassion. She said she'd ask. I haven't heard back yet. Would you like me to remind her??
This morning was "lift-in" for my friend's 33ft sailing boat. All went well until it came time to start the engine. Nothing. Damm battery was dead even though I gave it a charge earlier in the week. We had problems with it last year as well. Oh well, we'll have to exercise the warranty and get a new one!
The weather here today is wonderful...sunny but cool. Life is good.
Even heard from my XW last week. When she called I didn't recognize her voice. In fact, I thought she was someone else whose voice sounds just like hers. I finally had to ask "who is this??" to which she responded laughingly "it's your XW " Made me smile !!! ...Soup
Sorry to hear about the boat battery. At least it is fixable. I use to go out sailing with friends all the time when I lived in Houston. Very relaxing and fun. You will be out on the waters in no time.
Isn't it nice when you detach from a X to the point where there in no more animosity - they just become someone that you were once close to... The X has faded into one of many BF's in my past. I saw him once several months ago - and had to look twice to recognize him. The issues in my M to The X are no longer raw. It is just a M that didn't work out. It really doesn't matter why it didn't work anymore.
My current detachment challenge is my mother. My C told me during a session a number of months ago that the reason I still react to my mother is b/c I haven't detached yet. Funny how all relationship problems essentially boil down to the same few fundamental issues.
Building a patent client base is a little different. The first two years are tough. I have received next to no money since August and cash flow has been tight. I do have accounts receivable at the moment - it takes awhile for the cashflow to stablize. There is a lag time between when the work is done and when you get paid. Once you establish a relationship with a client and start to received a steady flow of work - some people are set for the rest of their careers! The Nutty Partner, for example, has has three steady clients for over 20 years now.
Yes, I would love the opportunity to work with your friend's sister-in-law's firm. She may recognize a large patent firm that I worked at in Chicago. 90 is actually pretty large for a patent firm here.
I have experience working with other international patent firms, including Canadian firms, seeking US protection of patents originating in their countries. I have also worked with foreign patent firms in obtaining foreign protection of patents originating in the US. This would be an ideal area to expand my practice.
Life is generally good. I am working on expanding my social circle of people with similar interests and approaches to life. That makes for a much more relaxing environment. I am also finding that I am attracted to men that are very different from The X. The men tend to be much more confident and secure with themselves. They are not threatened by my achievements - especially career-wise - b/c they themselves are happy with their achievements.
It's funny how since I've left the large firm environment - I no longer feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I am much comfortable with myself!
In the last 3 years we've had two or three disagreements and were able to work them out. I've learned that it's all about communication. My style. What I say. How I say it. etc.. And it's almost always the smallest thing that will set things off.
For instance, we had company over for dinner last night. Two other people. I was doing "beer can chicken" on the BBQ. She was in charge of the salad and the cooked carrots. She's a pretty good cook but tends to produce more than four people can eat. She had already peeled 6 very large carrots with 4 more to go (that's 10 carrots for four people) when I jumped in with my big mouth. She dropped the peeler and said "you do it then".
Fighting over carrots is not what anyone wants to do. I've learned its best to be humble in these type of situations. Ellie also recognizes that she "makes too much". A kiss and hug later and all was OK.
I've said this before but I now see communication in "slow motion". It's as if I can almost hear what the other person is going to say. I feel that I have enough time to evaluate what I should say, how to say it, etc.. It's wonderful.
I'll follow up with SIL about a US/Chicago representation. I'll be seeing her later this month. ....Soup
