My DB Coach recommanded the LRT. Mt W asked for a legal separation and began dating someone she met at work the very next day. I know for a fact the relationship turned physical within a couple of weeks.
I am on the west coast and she is on the east coast. I am in the military and one of her biggest complaints is the amount of time she is alone. (BTW - she had a PA the last time I deployed overseas) and I am sure that PA was the first in our 14 yrs of M. That PA was 2 yrs ago. Now the new OM!
I have stopped calling/persuing her and do not answer the phone every time she calls me. I usually wait and return the call later. She is now calling me, and often.
She sent me the "worksheet" for the legal separation agreement today. She got it from thr military legal assistance office. They will prepare the agreement for us at no charge - how freaking wonderful! There is a section on the "worksheet" that ask for the separation date and defines it as "the date the parties separated with the intent to never resume the marital relationship". It asks if the separation is to be premanent and intended to lead to divorce? Guess these folks want to make sure the involved parties don't come back and ask for paperwork to terminate the separation - that's just more work and a marriage certainly isn't worth reviving (reading between the lines).
I'm just wondering if the LRT going to affirm her belief that we should separate or just make things worse? I understand the LRT is mostly for me to GAL - and I'm slowly getting into that.
She called today and we talked about everything but the R for about an hour. Sounds like she is depressed. I am the only one who sounds up or positive. It was a very enjoyable conversation though - made her laugh a few times. She is asking lots of questions about what I'm doing everyday and weekends. She is also asking me questions like "do you think someone can be a functioning alcoholic? I it normal for someone to have 5 or 6 glasses of wine every night and that not be a problem? (sounds like she may be seeing this in her new OM - I got questions like that during her last A)
I haven't seen her in a month and doing that requires much planning (plane tickets,etc) and her agreement. Not sure how open she would be to scheduling time with me since OM is around.
It going to be hard for her to SEE any changes in me if we never see each other. She may see some during our conversations, but....
Anyone got any thoughts, comments, experience to relate?
Quote: Anyone got any thoughts, comments, experience to relate?
Experience:
My ex-fiance of two years broke up w/ me in the most terrible way. I found out later about the OW. After months and months of crying and pleading, I made a decision: I stopped calling, didn't return calls, wrote very short e-mails (when HE wrote), was mysterious when we talked, stopped having sex, started dating other people and appeared content with "something" in my life. He became so puzzled that started pursuing what was going on.
At first he would call more often (I always had to go and couldn't talk very much).
One day he picked me up at the airport (after coming back from overseas and responding his e-mails with very short paragraphs) and I was very quiet (not grumpy). That bothered him immensely. He kept asking questions about my life and what had happened while I was away. I wanted him to think that something had happened, and he did. He even asked if I met other people; if I went out with someone. My answer: "why do you want to know?"
Eventually, he started inviting me out. He tried kissing me one day. When I refused his advances, he ended up giving me one of his cars at the end of the day! A few months later, he started offering for me to go live with him in another city where he got a good job. Less than a year later, he professed he couldn't stop thinking about me and couldn't find anyone like me.
And this was a man who broke up with me saying he would never like to see me again and that our relationship was a big mistake!
Comments:
She is pursuing you. Let her! It's the first sign of the beggining of the chase.
Thoughts:
Behave "as if" you are too busy to think about her, that you have too many things in mind, which could include another person.
Thanks for the comments. Just wondering what to do with the Separation Agreement? I don't want to do it, but if she says that's what she needs - then I guess I should do it and make sure I don't leave myself open to getting "screwed" legally.
Still not sure how I should handle seeing her - if at all. Any other comments/recommendations welcomed.
