UPDATE Well H and I just got back from a trip to Las vegas, NV. We did not renew our vows there. This was a mutual decision timing was not right.
Over all our trip went well we drove the rental car. I had to give it back today my car was a total loss. Bought a new car today it's an '88 cadillac deville w/ only 62800 miles so I thought that was quite good. Very nice interior a little minor body work needed in front but other then that very nice car.
H helped me pick it out. h went 3 days w/o calling OW. since we have been back they have spoken and seen each other. I kind of confronted him on our trip and we had it out because he would not talk about it. I guess i will have to wait for him to open up on his own time. He has about a few things I just need to remember to be patient.
I need to get back to GAL. Now that I have a car I can do this. I also can now go look for a job.
I have noticed when I act calmly he acts better and is more receptive towards me. He openly tells me he loves me. He seems to be trying to assure me everything is going to be fine. On the trip he said "I love you, I know I need to end things w/ her, and I just need you to be here for me." He also said that he wants our marriage to work out. He feels that when I question him it would sometimes be easier to be seperated. He hasnt' come to terms w/ the fact that I may sometimes need to question him. He also stated that he almost feels like he's the boyfriend that he shouldn't be telling the kids what to do. i told him well you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't take off all the time and come and go as you please.
he still has a lot of things he needs to work through. Hopefully i can hang in there.
We have also been ML everyday if not several times a day. I have bought several sexy outfits. And some sexy hooker shoes that he requested. i figure if I keep the ML in there everything will eventually fall into place. While we were seperated he barely wanted to touch me. He said he always wanted to come back since the day he left. I asked well why'd you stay gone so long. But he didn't answer.
He has been home about a month and a half now!!!
Well i think that's all for now. I will update again soon. ~inawe~
Well I am still frustrated with this situation. I see him making baby steps but I also see him having his cake.
Positives: H is home. H made me breakfast this morning. H started looking for a job on his own. H tells me he loves me. H and I ML. H and I took the kids to sled this weekend even thou we were both sick. H comes home every night.
Negatives: H is still talking to her. H still goes and has drinks with her. H has not dropped things with her.
I told H today that he is not giving himself to our marriage 100%. He said "yes i am." I said "no you're not or else you wouldn't be still talking and seeing her." while you are doing that you are not giving yourself to our marriage. H says he loves me and wants our marriage to work I say no you don't because you are going out w/ her and you are not ending this BS.
Now he has been texting me and telling me he loves me. I said K. He said K is that all? I said yes. So now he has been bugging and texting me. Telling me he loves me.
I am so tired of all this drama. I just want him to quit talking to her. Quit seeing her. I want all of this BS over.
Well I am just frustrated and don't know my next move. I see tons of positives but I hate the negatives.
Well today has been ok. We started out the morning taking the kids to school. Then we went for breakfast. H wanted to get his haircut so we headed over there. Then we went and windowshopped we went to Sam's club and the mall. Just looking around.
H has been sick the last few days so I have been taking care of him and he has been home.
He has also started to look for a job as well as I have too.
Ok let's see H received summons today about accident that wrecked my car. Should be interesting. It's next thurs. St. Patricks day of all days.
I'm so worried about it. It does not say what the blood results said. hmmmmmm wonder what this means. we have consultation w/ lawyer next week.
H and I are supposed to go out later for a little while. We will see since he has been sick this week. We were supposed to go out last night but we stayed in and I made him soup and took care of him.
H was talking today well almost muttering to himself that he had some things to decide. hmmmmm what does this mean? I let it go and did not say anything.
I have been preety good about not mentioning OW. However she has not been as nice and has been butting in and calling and texting. All calls were ignored but he did text back.
Positives: H tells me he loves me. H tells me he wants to be with me. H tells me he wants our marriage. H initiates contact. H asks me what is wrong.
Negatives H has contact w/ her
I need to draw him in to me so that he forgets about her. hmmmm. H said she is more like a guy friend. What does this mean? I said guy friends don't want to F*** you. He said his affair was not about sex that our sex life was great. hmmmmmmm so then what? Well I will just be here contemplating for now. ~inawe~
forgot to mention yesterday I decided to be mysterious again.
So I told H I was going out for a while. Going to lunch and running errands. H didn't ask w/ who.
So then an hr later H texts and says are you busy? I don't respond till the 3rd time. Then H says guess you are and I say well I'm eating talk to you soon.
I text H and say are you picking up kids? H says well aren't you going to be back by then? I say well I will try.
H texts later and asks if i'm picking up kids I tell him yes in a while.
Well guess who is home when I get home? H
Hmmmmmmmm Well I tell him he's only home cuz he's sick. And he says no I wanted to spend time with you. I say Whatever. We end up having a nice evening but H is fishing on who I was with but me I just keep mummmmm ~inawe~
Good job. My advice, go back and reread your old posts about what lurred H back in the first time. Keep it up, sometimes we get H back and we fall back in to our "old routines" and H gets comfortable again. It takes work, everyday work, just like a job, if there is one thing I have learned about my M it is that. I can't let it fall to the side and fall back in to our "old routine" b/c that didn't work the first time. I wake up every day and say, what can I do today to make him feel special, what can I do to be a good friend? and then I do it. And those actions have been reciprocated by H as well. I understand your frustration, and I think maybe H being home w/ no job doesn't help either, it gives him more free time.
I think maybe the OW is chasing him makes him feel needed in the sense, so he is "stringing" her along for that sake of a void he may be feeling. I don't know for sure. My advice would be take care of yourself first and reread what made him come back the first time. But then don't overdo it when he get comfortable again, it takes time, he will slowly break away from OW, you need to think of her as a ghost who doesn't exist. Act "as if" it doesn't bother you, you go on your own and find a job for YOU, don't wait for him. You can do it, you've done it before, just trust yourself.
Well what worked was being mysterious and going out without telling him where I was going.
I find that difficult now cuz he is home and I feel like the kids are being put in the middle. (H is free to go out like he wants yet I am home being the babysitter of our kids.) I feel like I am neglecting my kids by going out and doing things by myself. Yet they don't question H where he is. No it's always mommy you're always going out. Even when H and I go out they do this. Well I guess they are the kids and we are adults but I feel awful.Like I am being a bad mom.
H did not like that I went out w/ out him but if I do this now that he's living at home I'm not sure how he would take it.
hmmm I will have to think about this. H is frustrating me he tells me he loves me and he wants things to work but yet he is still seeing her.
It is hard to act "as if" this doesnt' bother me. temper temper shhhhh I have to tell myself. When all I want to do is to kick him in the ass w/ my 3 in. heel boots.
Sorry a little frustrated right now w/ being too nice.
I just want my husband back all of him the way he was before. Yes I am glad he is home but some of this crap is killing me.
Update: H and I had a good weekend. We spent time w/ friends on Saturday and spent sunday basically doing nothing.
Sometimes it is great to do nothing. He said it felt good just to spend time together and do nothing. Which was nice to hear.
Sunday also he did not talk to her which was nice.
Today was nice we had breakfast and hung around the house. It has been snowing since this AM. Hopefully it will be a cozy evening by the fire.
We did have a fight over the weekend. And from that I know I need to back off a little and not harp on the situation w/ OW. I think there needs to be a little more space and little confrontation regarding her. The less stress I give him will probably work in my favor. So I will work hard on those stopping thoughts and stopping my words before they come out of my mouth.
Well I believe that's all the update I have for now. I guess it is time to just shut up, sit back, and see what happens. Even thou that sucks. Hopefully it will payoff.
Positives: H tells me he loves me first We ML He is home H appreciates the cleaning of the house. H appreciates my food. H wants me to make him feel better when he is ill. H is spending more time at home. H is helping a little more around the house. ~inawe~
howdy inawe! Have not posted with you in along time! Glad your H is back, and glad you can catch yourself BEFORE a major backslide! See what you've learned!!! Proud of you! I probably should be hanging out in divorced but not done, but all my buddies are here, seperated and the affairs etc threads. My major mantra to anyone here these days is if they are still there, you've got a shot! It is soooo much harder to DB when they are not there. Seperation can work i your favor for a while, but the longer they are gone, the less chance we sometimes have. Hang in there!
everyday if not several times a day. I 
