My H has moved in the OW. H wants a Simple Dissolution, But I do not agree on it. H will not let me see SD8 whom I raised for 5 years and refered to me as her mommy.
Well I decided enough is enough and hired an Att. and filed for a D. I actually feel relieved. H has changed from the peron I known and loved. H is begging me for a SD, the reasoning I don't know.
Well I actaully feel good and detached. It's strange how the OW does not even bother me anymore.
First off, I would ask the laywer to see about forcing h to let you see and explain to sd that this has nothing to do with her. Second, if he want a simple divorce, what is involved as far as financial stuff goes and what is he willing to give you?
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Hopeful
I agree completely about you seeing the little girl. Even if he only allows it once, you need to let her know it had nothing to do with her. You should also let her know that you are always there if she needs you. She'll remember that...when she's 16 or 17 and needs a Mom she just might be at your door!!
Gigi
"It's not what happens to you, it's what you make of it." Zig Ziglar
Hi Hopeful, thank you for responding to my post !!!
I go for a Temp. Hearing next Thurs. and we are going to ask for visitation rights temp. until the big hearing.
As far as Simple Dissolution, H believes I'm not entitled to anything and is willing to give me nothing. We had a agreement that I would go to school and raise his daughter full time. H has a crazy work schedule and everything worked out good.
So we agreed to take out student loans to supplement me having no income.
In Nov. I was in a bad car accident and very lucky to be alive. I was in the hospital for 5 days, they where thinking I may of had shaken brain syndrome. I torn all the ligaments in my leg and was unable to work, so in turn I had to drop out for the quarter and have to wait until next fall to re-enter the program I was in.
H was extrememly p*ssed and called me while I was in the hospital and told he wanted all my belonging's out by the end of the week. So 2 days after I was released from the hospital my parents rented a UHaul and hired some people to move me out.
So I was left with no car, unable to work and sleeping on my brothers couch and had no money. H depleted all the money from our account. I was in a walking cast until Dec. 25.
Thankfully I got my student loan money and bought a car at the beginning of Dec. and 2 weeks later the tranmission went out. To fix the transmission would of cost more than the car, plus I did not have the money.
In Jan. I started back to school, having a GF pick me up for school and my Dad taking and picking me up from clinical's.
I did get my own place in Dec. and paid with it from my student loans. H did give me half of our tax money and in later Feb. I bought another car.
Next Tues. I will be getting a certificate to be able to work in a certain field until I can begin next fall. But I plan on taking a full course load at a different scool to start working on my bachelors.
H still has some of my belongings and refuse's to give them back. I did not have enough time to get everything out.
I'm not asking for to much, just enough to help me until I'm done with school in June of 2006. Plus H withdrew 14,000 from his 401K plan (or whatever it is), I was told I'm entitled to half for each year we where married.
So thats about all of it and I'm going to try to get what I'm entitled to.
I feel she was angry with me at the beginning. Now everytime I got to see her, she would ask when I was coming home. It completely broke my heart and I did not know what to say. She was full of hug's and kisses and ILU's when we where together.
SD had extreme emotion problems when H and I got custody of her. The therapist said she had a condition to where she has never bonded to anyone (her mother anf father). I stepped up and took the role of her mother. I was the one who would call her teacher's, I signed her up for little league. While my H just set there and did nothing.
IMO H is not thinking of her what so ever. I know she must be confused to have dinner together as a family one week and the next week H moved in OW. She never even met OW until the week she moved in.
I know it's out of my hand's, but I will try anything to just get to see her.
Quote: You should also let her know that you are always there if she needs you. She'll remember that...when she's 16 or 17 and needs a Mom she just might be at your door!!
Thank you for that. Hopefully she will know I will always be there. And hopefully she will knock at my door one day.
Geez, sounds like you've been through the wringer.
Your H sounds like a nutcase! Wanting you out, even though you were in the hospital after a near fatal crash? Hmmm...
You're going through all of the right steps. And like everyone else has said, you've bonded with the step-D, so you should want to maintain that R. I have no clue how to do it legally, but you've got your heart in the right place. Step-D sounds like she start to bond with you, too. I hope for her sake your H "gets it" because a kid can use all of the bonding and moral support they can get. It sounds as if she's been through a lot.
This isn't fun, but you are going on the right path. Your H could be attempting to control the situation and it sounds like the car accident you were in messed with his thought-out plans.
Just here for some moral support. Don't think you're far from me. (I'm in SW Ohio.) If you want, drop me a note at worshipgoddess@hotmail.com. I only pick up mail there once in a blue moon, so it may take a bit of time, but I'll get it. I have someone who'll give me a headsup and kick my rear into gear if necessary
I feel like I've been through hell and I'm still not back yet. The funny thing was after my car accident, 2 weeks later H & SD come to visit me at my brothers. My GF said she saw H driving around the hospital and H called people he know's at the hospital to see what was wrong.
I think nutcase is a extremely nice word for H . I don't even know who he is (alien). Just thinking about H give's me a headache.
As of right now, never had them before, I have been having extremely aweful nightmares? I don't know why, but they wake me up at night and I can't go back to sleep. I take sleeping pills, and they seem not to be working. I asked my Dr. to increase my dose but he won't.
I completely agree H is trying to control the sitch. and hopeful I'm on the right path to getting some control back. Right now it is taking it's toll on emotion's. I have my good days and very dark days, hopefully this will pass.
H still has not been served with the D paper's? We have a temp. hearing this Thurs. So like someone suggested H will prob. try to get the date pushed back. But I'm hoping for the best .
I also forgot to mention, I think H has bought a house and new car? This is funny when H tells me how broke he is. I have no clue to where SD is and that's the hardest of this whole mess.
The nightmares are your mind's way of telling you to slow down the thinking. A lot is happening now, and you can't control it. Your H will have an influence on how you think and feel. That's the most basic reason for detachment. Have you tried to do something other than sleeping pills...your doc is a wise man not to increase them. What helped me was to take up meditating. Exercise... even just a good healthy walk helps. I didn't sleep more than a few hours at a stretch when I went through my separation and divorce. It does get better, I promise you it does.
He will try to push back the date. I've gone through that. My ex loudly demanded the D. Then he hid from the process server. And then the numskull held it up because he was "too busy" to do the financial paperwork. Well, a judge got mighty po'd at him and on the 3rd hearing, finally granted me the divorce basically on my terms. All I can say is my ex played a power game there, and they don't WORK.
Work to detach yourself. Yes, I know you're worried about SD. And your H's stupid antics aren't helping, either. Actually circled the hospital on the phone?! Tells you about his state of mind, and what it possibly is doing to you also.
How old is the SD? Don't think I caught that.
Your H may well be broke. Because he bought the house, the car, is living some extreme fantasy. And if he's credit is good... heck he can ride this wave for a long time until it comes crashing down.
Continue to set boundaries for yourself. Don't let this man's cruel and stupid behavior do any more damage to you. Emotionally, yes it's hard. They will play every card in the deck to keep you roped into their lives in the most antagonistic way possible. Don't buy into it. Heck, mine was so "nice" that he wanted his bimbo to be my best friend at one time. I don't play it that way
The reason they do this is because they want to avoid any consequences of what they're doing. BAsically, they're acting like hormonal teenagers on steroids. You never know what to expect out of them, and all you can do is remain calm, centered, peaceful whenever you can. Do what ever it takes to get there. Get a counselor, a shrink, a good friend, a bottle of wine, keep posting here, find a spiritual outlet or minister to talk to, read up on MLC and whatever you can do. Build yourself a support group so you can having a cheerleading squad if you have to in order to pump up the PMA. You will find yourself dealing with this much better if you do. I don't know what I'd have done if it weren't for a few folks on this board, my younger sister, and a couple of really good friends here in town. It helped a lot just to get a phone call or be able to drop a message whenever things were particularly dark.
I think they oughta outlaw midlife crises! Hey, if your H is this big of a nutcase, how about we throw him into a room with my ex? Maybe they can drive each other back into sanity? Ha ha ha....mine was so looney that he didn't think he owned a home that clearly had his name and signature on the deed.... Sometimes it helps to actually find the humor in it as well.
Well the STBXH got served today . H prob. sh*t his pants when he saw what I was going after LMAO. Well H Att. is our old landlord and lawyer to get SD. So I think thats a conflict of interest.
I have to go Thurs. to court (if H does not postpone it) and I'm going to feel extremely uncomfortable if H Att. has to question me.
Quote: The nightmares are your mind's way of telling you to slow down the thinking
See that's what I don't understand? I have slowed down alot on the thinking. I'm at the best spot I have been at for over 8 months. Maybe it's just the stress, but like before, my stress level is way down compared to what it use to be.
I have been exercising alot, dropped 40 pound!!! So thats seems to help the stress too. My SD is 8 and I have had her since she was around 3. Personally I think H is punishing SD for our stupid mistakes. She has had a horriable life and everything started to come together for us whenever the mothership picked up my H.
Actually his credit stick's, due to H filing bankruptcy around 4 years ago. H is out of control with his money. But thats OK if he bought a house, my Att. told me I'm entitled to some of it?
I'm very lucky to have good friend's and family to support me in any decision I make. My family was very suppotive with me DBing. Even my Dad who would love to get his hands around my H neck was supportive. But when I decided I had enough, they backed me up.
My Mom and H hate each other, she was crying when I went to the Att. office. She did not want to have toi turn out this way. She has been very supportive also.
Quote: BAsically, they're acting like hormonal teenagers on steroids. You never know what to expect out of them, and all you can do is remain calm, centered, peaceful whenever you can.
My god, you hit that on the nose. I'm trying really hard to be calm. I have a big mouth and like to let my thought's fly. So keeping it shut is going to be tough, but I know I have to and can do this.
Quote: Hey, if your H is this big of a nutcase, how about we throw him into a room with my ex? Maybe they can drive each other back into sanity?
LOL, sound's good . But I think my H is never coming back from the mothership. Oh I do have the humor, some of the sh*t that come's out of his mouth makes me cry from laughing so hard. H has truely lost it and I can't help but not laugh.
Control, well I'm taking it back . I told H I don't play into mister nice guy to get what he want's anymore. I have done it for 6 years and I'm tired of his BS. It's my turn and time for me and only me. I have babied H from day one and Im not playing his game's anymore.
Tomorrow I have to see my Att. and figure out how to present myself in court. It's either miss B*tch or I cry my eye's out, so I have to go between these too. I know's it's going to be hard, but I have to put my wall up and I can do it!!!!
Hey Jade... Wow ...good he got served..must've opened his eyes to how serious you are with this!
What do you dream when you have the nightmares? You can kinda break them down...some things represent certain things...like for example...falling down means failing or fear of failing at something...there are books on this type of stuff...if you believe in them..
And that atty of his...can't u get him thrown out due to conflict of interest? I think that's possible...
And hey...if your H's are getting together...can mine come too??? Maybe together they can ask for directions on the way back from insanity!!! (or at least get a map!) LOL!!
Keep your chin up...you're doing great! And don't let him get the best of you! Good luck Thursday! Let us know what happens! Cap
.
