Hi everyone, Since I have opened up a new office in Boulder, Colorado, I have decided to expand the services I offer folks to strengthen their marriages.
One of the new additions to our list of services is a one or two-day intensive with me in either Colorado or Illinois. I will work with both spouses and work with each of you separately. I have found that even if your marriage is in bad shape and your spouse definitely wants out, this kind of intense work can prove to be very useful. If you have questions about the course of the day (or 2) or you would like to schedule a time to visit my office, call Virginia, my assistant, and she will be delighted to help you. 800-664-2435.
Here is a letter I received from one of my most recent intensive "attendees". This is such an inspiration. I never tire of these letters. ******************** Dear Michele,
Well, first of all, let me apologize-- I have been thinking of writing to you for a few weeks now, but then I decided to wait so as to be sure that things have truly settled down. I was reluctant to tell you too soon that things were fantastic or else I would somehow jinx my good fortune--I hope you understand. Anyway, now that a month has gone by and things are still really great between us, I feel comfortable enough to write to you and give you the good news: Larry and I have reconciled, he has been home ever since we returned from Colorado. Of course, I credit you for saving our marriage--I still wonder where we would be now if we had not met you.
Things have returned to "normal" again, except Larry and I are both mindful about "keeping the positive changes going." We make sure that we have date night once a week in addition to Saturday nights when we tend to go out with our friends. We are trying to avoid becoming over-scheduled on the weekends. We are comfortable hanging out together at home too, either reading or watching TV together. Larry calls me by his pet name for me again. We are looking forward to going to Mexico over spring break and we are thinking about what to do over the summer.
I have looked back at my journal to help me gain an understanding of what has happened. It was on December 22nd when we first spent the day with you. This was a huge turning point. Larry started to come over regularly, and continued to do so up until our second visit with you. We started doing things together as a family. I do appreciate how fortunate I am to have Larry back in my life and I hope that I have learned enough about myself so that I will always appreciate what I have and not take my marriage for granted.
Thank you Michele, from the bottom of my heart, for helping us save our marriage. Thank you for taking the time to get to know us, for inspiring us to make our marriage great, and for convincing Larry to see the value of our marriage. Thank you for writing terrific books and for being an advocate and a resource for helping others save their marriages. Please also send my heartfelt thanks to Vernetta for her no-nonsense advice and for encouraging me to meet with you in person. (Her prediction proved true, even though I did not think that it would at the time.) If you are ever in the NY area, please feel free to call us. Who knows, maybe we will come back next year around Valentine's Day! SM
[quote]I have found that even if your marriage is in bad shape and your spouse definitely wants out, this kind of intense work can prove to be very useful. [/quote]
Do both spouses need to be there? We're living apart...he's living with OW...I don't see him agreeing to go...
Hi - You asked if it is necessary for both you and your spouse to be present in order to have successful results. The answer to that question is sometimes, but definitely not always. Each situation is unique. If you are familiar with Divorce Busting techniques, you know that change/improvement in your marriage can happen in many ways. There is no "one size fits all" solution. Please feel free to give me a call and I will be happy to offer you suggestions of what may work best in your particular case.
Virginia Peeples Assistant to Michele Weiner-Davis 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004
I am from England and I have struggled to find a counsellor that is pro-marriage, or that even thinks it is worth me going on my own (H is living with OW and, I think, having MLC). Do you have any recommendations for a good place to look for counselling 'across the pond.' Many thanks.
I suggest that you call The Divorce Busting Center and set up an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach on the telephone. Many people from the UK, and actually from all over the map, do so. I have been told that the telephone call rates are quite reasonable from the UK to the US. And that people consider speaking with a Divorce Busting® Relationship Coach to be extremely helpful.
All too often people have difficulty finding help from someone who is both dedicated to saving marriages, and skilled at helping you find solutions, rather than talking endlessly about problems. Your DB Coach will help you come up with a fresh approach and specific steps for you to take to save your marriage.
Seldom is divorce a mutual decision. In most cases there is one spouse who is strongly motivated to work on the marriage, while the other is less so or perhaps not motivated at all. Divorce Busting® Relationship Coaches specialize in working with the spouse who is more motivated to keep the marriage intact. DB Coaches have helped countless people save their marriages and keep their families together.
Additionally, DB Coaches are expertly skilled in the techniques Michele Weiner-Davis wrote about in The Sex-Starved Marriage. Your DB Coach can give you advice and direction to help you rekindle your sex life.
The fee for a 45-50 minute telephone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Relationship Coach is $130 US. We also offer a special three-session program. We accept Visa and Master Card. To schedule an appointment, please call (303)444-7004.
Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the very best.
Virginia Peeples Assistant to Michele Weiner-Davis
This is my first time posting and I have to say I never thought I would have a need for a forum like this. It always happens "to someone else". I'm sure everyone here feels the same. My H and I have always had an intense and loving relationship. In the last year he's yelled in the midst of a fight that he wanted a divorce. I never commented or questioned. In March 2005, papers were served and was I surprised, angry, hurt - you name it, I felt it. Of course, I tried to talk to him (I didn't have the DB book as yet) but he refused to discuss it. We were scheduled for mediation on June 28th, but I had work committments that could not be changed. It has been moved to July 28th. We have two very sweet young children that he neglects to call because he's busy with work. I try not to get angry, but when they cry for him I just want to scream at him! Over the past month I've tried to pull back and I have had success but there are days that I backslide. I devote my time to the children, work and I have friends that I socialize with about once a week. As long as I'm busy - all is well. I need advice about how to handle this D thing. I don't want it, but I don't know how to stall it.
Quote: This is my first time posting and I have to say I never thought I would have a need for a forum like this. It always happens "to someone else". I'm sure everyone here feels the same. My H and I have always had an intense and loving relationship. In the last year he's yelled in the midst of a fight that he wanted a divorce. I never commented or questioned. In March 2005, papers were served and was I surprised, angry, hurt - you name it, I felt it. Of course, I tried to talk to him (I didn't have the DB book as yet) but he refused to discuss it. We were scheduled for mediation on June 28th, but I had work committments that could not be changed. It has been moved to July 28th. We have two very sweet young children that he neglects to call because he's busy with work. I try not to get angry, but when they cry for him I just want to scream at him! Over the past month I've tried to pull back and I have had success but there are days that I backslide. I devote my time to the children, work and I have friends that I socialize with about once a week. As long as I'm busy - all is well. I need advice about how to handle this D thing. I don't want it, but I don't know how to stall it. 7/1/05 - I typed this post and neglected to identify myself. My name is Roxane and I really need some advice.
This is a great site, with lots of helpful caring people, who are committed to finding solutions for their relationship problems. Most caring of all is Michele herself.
You can get more immediate help on the Newcomer's forum. For more in-depth help for your situation, look to Divorce Remedy or the Keeping Love Alive tapes (they are wonderful!). (To see how people use the Keeping Love Alive tapes and to get some ideas for your situation....check out the 2005 KLA tape forum....)
I can tell you right now some things that probably won't help and will most likely make your situation worse:
Crying, begging, pleading, saying I love you, and arguing your case.
Things that most likely WILL help are: taking excellent care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Being responsible, but not too predictable. Keeping yourself looking nice. Having fun, and smiling (I KNOW IT'S HARD AND SOUNDS RIDICULOUS, but a smiling face is sooooooo attractive).
Please keep reading for more advice, but I will say in the few minutes I have that, WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS, and you have a bank of solution information from your relationship experience.
Think about in the past......when you had more problem-free times.....what were you doing and what were you saying?
Do more of those things......
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
