Thanks for the positive feedback. I am able to have these often due to so many kids activities. Is tough when "signs" of OW pop up! H is always nervous when cell rings. Usually hides it as it will say OW name. H won't answer if I am around.
I agree - but my W is SUPER good at not having any "signs" - which is why I just assume no. Better for my PMA anyway!
Just make sure when his phone rings you couldnt see it anyway - then he dosnt have to hide it, and you will have less to think about. For now make it easier for it to not be out in the open so it dosnt cause you undue stress.
I am assuming that you want to restore/repair your R even though you know about OW, correct? If so, the only thing you can do is completely let go of any thoughts of OW and keep reading here about A's that end. They almost always do.
To me you are in an enviable position - you know for sure about OW, and I think you have indicated that H does not deny it. In my case there is lots of circumstantial evidence, but W vehemently denys, says he is just friend. So I have to just accept that. Makes it more painfull thinking my W could be being dishonest with me, something she has never done in our M. And very unlike her.
Remember you can do nothing about OW, you cannot cause it to end. Only 2 things can end it: 1 - it burns out (usually does) 2 - H decides to work on M and ends it himeself. All you can do is keep DBing and be what he wants to return to when it does end. And it will.
Hang in there.
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
I don't have the confidence you do this eve that the A will end. He speaks in a way to loving tone with OW. He is not the type to love and leave easily. I am having a neg night as you can see. H went to movies with kids and I. Was good until end. A friend needed marital advice and H was giving it on phone in front of me. Friends H was staying at hotel and my H told friend to go to hotel and tell her spouse how miserable she is etc....Was the biggest slap in my face. All I could do to hold it together on way home. I wish I had your strength and patience. crushed
x, How do you continue if you believe your H is acting more out of pity? Heard H tell friend that OW was with her kids. I guess validating that H was with me and our kids. Is rather ironic that the friend is having marriage problems but theirs is due to having relatives children live with them. Hearing my H give friend advice that I wish he would be giving himself was tough. Am to go with H to S8's baseball games today at 8am and thinking not and go myself. confidence level is low today. Tough thinking about spending whole day with H and then H brings us home to go out with OW. Doesn't make for a positive day. crushed
Quote: How do you continue if you believe your H is acting more out of pity?
This is very hard. I have a hard time with just this because my W gives little things - hugs, lets me kiss her cheek. But I often wonder if it is just to get me to leave quickly without tears. I know she still cares about me, even continues to say she "loves me very much" so I know she dosnt "want" to hurt me. What she dosnt understand is hiding the truth and lying to me hurts more than anything that could happen. She has never done this before. I am prepared to survive anything including an A and still know our M could be saved, but honesty will have to come first.
I am sorry you are having a down day - have lots of those myself. Today is going to be rough, We have an appointment we must go to together today, and it has potential to bring up a lot of stuff, good and/or bad. Then she is off for the weekend with her friends. It is easier during the week - she calls me at least once a day, but when she goes away she does not. Probably with OG. So I try to tough up and be strong for my kids. It is hard. Right now I am missing her so much, it is hard to focus on getting me better. And having the kids makes it even harder - she is the emotional part of our M, so lots of things with the kids just feels like something is missing.
Hang in there. Try to find the strength to go to the game.
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
Quote: I don't have the confidence you do this eve that the A will end. He speaks in a way to loving tone with OW. He is not the type to love and leave easily.
Sometimes my confidence is bravado. There are times I belive it will burn out, and times I dont. But I continue to tell myself it will - and I get stronger in my resolve.
I worry because my W attatches very easily, lets go hard, and I am sure cannot belive I could forgive an A. I am sure that she feels that (EA/PA/or not) things have gone to far to ever come back. All I can do is wait untill she allows me to first be her friend again, then be here when she needs me. If that ever happens, then we can begin the walk back to us. The pain is waiting, and trying not to think of what might be happening with her right now. But I must continue to belive our M can be saved, and continue to DB as well as I can. I cannot give up on her as she is giving up on me. It is my turn to bear the weight of our R for a while - she has for a long time. Now she is not. Will she just enjoy the weight being lifted and move on, or get the rest from it and find the strength to come back? I cannot know, I can just wait.
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
Has been awhile x! I miss your wisdom. How are things going with W? What happened after her weekend away with friends? I am on thebiggest roller coaster this week. Was working on not contacting H yesterday. Was tough but got through it. H called and wanted to go someplace with us and actually said that and asked to go. Took it as a pos. and ran! H has seen OW but doesn't seem as much. H shows signs of still caring but is so hesitant. Afraid if he shows them he will get hurt all over and keeps his distance physically also. Tries not to sit right next to me. Always to the side and in full view. I just keep plugging along. Still cannot believe H doesn't think he is having an affair. Not sure what he would call it!! Just so thankful to have friends on here to be able to vent with who actually know what each other is going through to some degree.
Seems like the summer is slipping away and will be gone before I know it. Was thinking about holidays and what will be happening with kids and was not a good road to take. Have a few days to keep my distance and let H "miss" me a bit. I sometimes think I am too accessible. I just keep thinking once the "honeymoon" period is over things won't be as rosey with the OW. No everyday stress, kids, bills, juggling schedules, etc...
Things can never go back. They can only forge ahead on a better route. You have changed and become a better person and your W will soon see that. Almost like a lightbulb has been lit and you see things in such a different perspective. I think trying the missing idea for a bit here and there makes them realize what you have to offer them. Also think by having a history and knowing some of their responses and needs and acting on them surprises them and is a plus. Just knowing what they expect and want in small ways is a nice baby step for us! Hope today is a good one for you and I! c
In my sitch, I was the clingy one. He left me 6 weeks ago. We've seen each other twice since, he looking very sad and tortured, me being cold the first time and warm the second. Then he called to TALK. It's the first gesture he's made. The times we saw each other were chance encounters on the street.
I've been dark for 6 weeks. Do I call back? Do I let him call again? He was pretty clear 6 weeks ago that he wanted to split up.
Friend says, "Don't call him back. Aren't you worth at least two phone calls?" I know this is skewed logic, but...
I dont know that I have any wisdom. You can check on my thread to see what is up with me. There seem to have been some positives, but very ballanced by lots of time with OM. It is starting to pull me apart - my W talks to me all day, then spends her evenings with OM. I wonder sometimes is she "having her cake and eating it too" - she is holding on to what was good in our M by having me there to talk to, discuss decisions with, etc, but as soon as he is available runs to him for whatever else.
Maby it is time to go dark for a while. Or maby it is time to give her an unprovoked ILY. Something needs to shake soon.
I am having a very down day. Hard to focus on positives. Had nightmares all night about OM bomb being dropped (W still acts as if I dont know/think anything is going on, still covering quite well)
Read my thread if you have time, see what you think of my "positives". Still hoping for some time with her tomorrow - trying not to get myself in a position that I will be crushed if it dosnt happen.
Hope you are doing well.
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
Sorry to hear you are having a down day. It comes and goes. I can relate to the best of both worlds. Is frustrating and upsetting. I wish you luck with your shake. I know the feeling but not sure what to do. i will check out the link.
Doesn't make for a positive day.