PHM- I am new to this board and you are the first to have the same situation as minethat I have found. I notice the dates are from 6 months ago on this post. Any advice would be apprecaited. I was not there for my H physically and emotionally and realize just how much so the past few days. It is heartbreaking to realize how cruel I have been to H. Was my own stubbornness and stupidty to close my eyes to what I was doing. H has moved out and told me it is time to get on with our lives. We have 3 kids and I see him most everyday. I see small steps and signs that he does still care. I also see he is scared and becomes automatic in response to any offer of spending time without kids. H has OW and believe it is more of the idea than the OW. H said he wasnot willing to give up that OW to try to work it out with me. H said scared of it being the same old thing. H is a very caring and giving person most of the time and I realize what a taker I had been. I need to be a giver and not sure where to go. ANy ideas of things that did or did not work for you in trying to show you do care and are not interested in the same old ways. I hope your situation has taken a road on the upswing. crushedbyg
Thanks for the advice! How long do you do this if no initiation? Is hard as I see H everyday this month due to son's baseball tournaments. Sometimes H even drives us. Go figure. As a family we are scheduled to go to CA in AUgust. H has ask numerous times for me to reconsider after I told him I didn't think the kids and I should go. At this point, am sure OW will be out of her mind while back at home! ANy pointers? crushed
AAAAAGGGHHHHHHh! I need to vent. Have been going with my S8 and H to my son's baseball tournament. I ususally know when H is seeing OW by way he acts and dresses. I was actually feeling like I had gone one step forward with H and wham the bat hit me in the face. OW must have been in his car as she left her address card from flowers on the floor at my feet. I don't think this is working. I beleive H thinks I am dealing with the sitch and is treating me like a great friend. I had 2 days of getting baby steps or so I thought and was all crap. Am feeling about as low as the day the bomb dropped. So much for baby steps.
how do you get enough time to miss you when you have to see (in my case my WAW) often due to children? I KNOW she will miss me if she cannot talk to me, but I cannot seem to create the needed space! Especially as I was the emotionally distant one so Going Dark is probably not a good choice.
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
Well, going dark should be used to help you get yourself emotionally together.
If you were the emotional distant one, you want to show emotional warmth, but probably not overload and definitely not control (of the other) or force or imposition. It's a fine dance. It's REALLY LISTENING to the other person. And trying some things, monitoring results and adjusting accordingly.
Crushed....even more important is how you come out of the dark.....the other things you do. Do a search on JJ's advice for coming out of the dark.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I survived yesterday and that is a blessing! I met with H and I took responsibilty for my faults in our past and apologized. I was not whining or begging for anything of that nature. I needed to do it for me. I felt some of the weight removed from my shoulders last night after my initial tear session after I was done. H said nothing. Not a word. H only called my mom and told her to call me. I did not speak to H or have contact all night. Was a very rough day. Was even worse than I expected b/c H never said a word. This am when I checked had 3 emails from H. I read them but did not answer for awhile. Had to finally as dealt with my S8 and his practice at 1230. H wants to come with kids and I to movie and dinner to celebrate my D9's making a travel team in soccer. Was a surprise and she is so excited. Do I allow H to go or tell him no and hurt my D9. Is rough. I am emotionally in a better place this day as a result of telling my H yesterday. My plans were to not avoid him but not see him either but realistically it is impossible with baseball everyday. I don't want to miss my S8's games. S8 is my caring one and is always thinking of me. How do I do this and have a win/win situatuion??? Also I am back to the decision about the trip coming up to CA in 3 weeks. Do we go or not? H told my mom last chance to (hesitation) do this. She said as if he stopped for fear of saying something he wasn't ready to admit. Any thoughts?
H is so comfortable around me it is scary but once he thinks about it gets nervous and seems to back off. Is this me wanting this or H afraid? I have no idea what is going on with his OW. has not seen her much that I am aware of no time. I thought H was with OW last night but was asleep til 11 due to stress I inflicted on him I guess. H wants to spend eve with kids vs OW tonight. I am rambling but am looking for answers that are not quite as biased as mine!
Quote: Do I allow H to go or tell him no and hurt my D9
I would look at this this way - #1 do everything you can to not hurt D9 - if she would like him there, let him be there.
#2 this is an oportunity for being together that you CANNOT talk about R - make sure you dont! Just enjoy the outing. Be like you are out with friends.
I for one would love for this kind of opportunity in my R.
Good luck
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
