Becca - I'm not a petite person, but I bet it wouldn't take two shots for me. I don't drink, at all, I don't like the taste of alcohol. Communion wine is about all I can handle. Maybe I've just never found the right drink. I've tried some over the years, to be social on occasion. I end up with 'virgin' drinks. I do have a mental block about it, remembering how my dad was with his drinking....
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Oh heck, here I was finding all those similarities, and you blow it with the spare time thing. Shoot, I can't get the midnight hour very well b/c I put my kids to bed at 11:30 and then have to take care of the household chores. IE clean up from dinner. I shoot for the 1-5 free time with my pillow. (BTW I know that I am an idiot for keeping toddler up until 11:30 at night)
Oh I don't care for alcohol much either, you find something bland and throw back a couple of shots. And here I am picking on my H for having to drink to work up the courage to talk to me. Hey...go give me some feedback on the potential letter I want to send to H!
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Speaking of drinking...the key would be to have a few drinks together! Get them to let their guard down and see where it goes I tried this w my H on our anniversary, we opened a bottle of wine a friend gave me for Christmas. He drank his glass down so quickly he couldn't have enjoyed it...guess he didn't want to stick around for the effects to kick in, but he did hug me before he left (yes he only had 1 glass so he was safe to drive).
Yup, the vicious circle of my hurt and his guilt... poisonous. I hear you.
You make a good point too about the litle pcs during the long haul. Maybe there wont be a dramatic moment of your H coming to his senses but that is just fine. I have seen on other threads that even when there is a drmatic turning point there is still major work to do and lot so chances for backsliding. So hey, maybe the baby step/ long haul approach is not so bad.
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Well, I don't know! I just don't know. Not a clue. Should I be embarassed to say, I've never been drunk in my life? I just don't like the stuff. Now, that doesn't mean that I've never gone out and had fun. But it doesn't involve alcohol. H doesn't drink either, anymore. He used to in his 'sowing oats' days, but now it's all na stuff. Maybe it's worth a try! It would definitely be a 180, or 360, or 720, or bed spins. And maybe he would be so disgusted he would just grab the 8 shirts left in the closet and be gone. But then I could down the rest of whatever it was I had, and who cares? this could be fun! and talk about signs, I just popped over to another window with a trivia question, and it was "alcohol is a song put out by whom?" How funny is that?
It's a nice evening out tonight, temps are in the 30's, moon is nearing full, I spent time with my horse. Doing chores and walking in the aisleway and thinking about all we have, and how underutilized this place is right now, and how sad that is. It will be changing again, people are already starting to ask about coming to ride as early as February and in March. But today it felt empty. I thought about all the fun and learning and activities we've had here. I thought about a post season party we have on Saturday night, I don't know if I am going or if H is going, we haven't talked about it. I thought about the moonlight ride we are invited to that night, and how that is where I would like to go. The inviter wondered why I wasn't going to the party, I said I didn't want to spend the night with smokers and drinkers. She mentioned she had invited another couple to come to the ride, but they had to go to the same party I am hoping to ditch. They are higher up the ladder than we are, they can't ditch it. Then I thought about when H was on top of that ladder, and when we couldn't ditch it, and when he was honored at a big event. This was about 5 years ago. He had to write up a deal about himself to be read while he was 'presented' to the audience. He could have invited me to be by his side, but he didn't, so I sat in the audience and watched. I listened to the announcer read what H wrote about himself. It was all singular, it was all about him, it was all about what he did, his place, his accomplishments, never a word about 'the wife' or any credit or acknowledgement that I even existed. I remember how empty I felt, how excluded I felt. I cried.
I've known for a long time that H fills his needs first. But he is so smooth about how he goes about it, it hardly never comes across that way. He is good, he is very good. And I'm still flapping along behind like coat flaps trying to pick up the crumbs of the trail. My joy can't come from him, I can't depend on him to fill me, it won't happen. He may be part of it, but he can't provide it. I have to find my way back to my own person, my own joy.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My joy can't come from him, I can't depend on him to fill me, it won't happen. He may be part of it, but he can't provide it.. I have to find my way back to my own person, my own joy.
You said it all, dear. Nobody could say it any better. And this is applicable not for you only, but for all of us. Thank you for saying it.
My latest life Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill
I tried this w my H on our anniversary, we opened a bottle of wine a friend gave me for Christmas. He drank his glass down so quickly he couldn't have enjoyed it...guess he didn't want to stick around for the effects to kick in, but he did hug me before he left (yes he only had 1 glass so he was safe to drive).