Hanging on/The Long Haul #7

[optimist2004]

I think sometimes buyer's remorse could be a good analogy!

Cognitive dissonance is when you have two very different thoughts/feelings running through you and it's hard for them to exist in the same place. So we justify things so they match up. Cognitive just means your thoughts. and Dissonance means they are different. I think in a psych class once, I was told that humans are so uncomfortable with cognitive dissonance that they figure and figure and figure until they come up with a way to make things agree.

I think WAS's do a lot of this. They feel like they have to be free so they leave the R. Yet, they feel horrible for hurting this person they love. So they justify their actions by deleting all but the bad memories.

[Again!]

I can txt but can't append. check my thread.

flash backs to the bad things, they are going to happen. Someone recently discussed "landmines" It's not good, but don't let it get you down. replace the old with new.
Have you started reupholstering the furniture in the living room yet?
Ohh here's another one. Do you have hard wood floors?
Why not refinish them? (apart from the cost) do it yourself, the smell should drive him out.

[WCW]

Venting - My Friday the 13th+7 continues - went to fuel and the nozzle splashed diesel all over me. At least my stinky pants and shoes matched my dirty shirt. Errands on the way home, and within 15 minutes I came back out of the store and it is snowing and white already. Got home, went thru the pile of mail. MY truck insurance is going up because H got a speeding ticket last year. Why MY truck, why not HIS? He left a credit card bill on the table, OMG!! I'm not even explaining it here. Just leave it as BAD. And then, H doesn't do his laundry here anymore, I've thought it for a while already, but today is proof. I guess the upside of that is less laundry soap, less dryer time means less electric bill. This is pretty stupid, what kind of baby step is that?

A bit of good news, I just got news a wonderful friend is visiting! Cool! I am excited!

Furniture - old carpet should be replaced, but it won't happen. Cheap furniture doesn't require upholstering.

I don't know, is it time to have an R talk? I am so frustrated today. We haven't for months now, I've avoided, ditched, ran, swerved, from anything like that. No, it isn't. Keep going, buckle down, cowgirl up.

Alrighty - time to stop this pity party. I am going to enjoy the fresh white snow. I am going to have some horse therapy. I am going to have my Friday night traditional meal, chili cheese dogs. If anyone cares to join me, they should be ready about 7:30pm. I've got chips, bring pie and your favorite soda.

[Becca1975]

Yum! I'm so there!

[Again!]

He doesn't do his laundry there?????

Ok well I hope you have fun with the horse!

Still trying myself, I am just geeked that FF got all his anger out, although I am sure that there will be more waves.

Ins: whose vechile was he in when he got the ticket. Are you on the same ins, even the same co? I'd call.

I'll make apple pie, I'm told that it is quite good.

[always_14]

I think the chili cheese dog should surely put this bad day to rest (hmmm, green chili cheese dogs--YUM!)

For tonight, put all worries out of your head: the CC bill, truck insurance, laundry....things you cannot control and WHY questions that have no simple (or logical answer).

Have fun with your horse. Good to see your friend, how exciting!

Should you have the R talk, seems like you don't want to and to hang on for a little while longer. I know it's not too DB and maybe I handled poorly in my sitch, but I think that if you've given enough time to cool off, then you should talk. Seems like you both might need that to break the ice? Sometimes it's hard to "act as if" when you have a big white elephant in the room. I know that you should wait until you have a comfort zone to talk, but it's like Catch 22, the comfort comes from talking openly and honestly.

I guess I' struggling with that myself.

Have a FAB night!!!

[bravagal]

WCW-

Just catching up on your thread. I had a busy week and am exhausted.

Anyway, I am soooo impressed by your overall PMA. You are doing so well!!

As for talking R.. sounds like the time might be coming up. THe trick is not to talk R when you REALLY want to: when you are feeling sad and frustrated. (I have done that so often lately and it has not been terrible but not been helpful either.)
The ideal time is when we are riding the PMA wave... then of course we dont feel the need as much. Hmmm, darm that human nature!!

brava

[WCW]

Chile cheese dogs, scrumpdillyitious! Shocked, your apple pie was wonderful! How did you know apple is my favorite? Thanks for the company everyone.

It was a pretty quiet night, with the snow falling so soft and white. Totally opposite my mood. My sad and lonely grew to mad and angry, I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I’m sick and tired of this mess, of this idiotic life, of not being able to ask a question for fear of repercussions. Will this be the question that ends my marriage? I spent a lot of time outside, did the normal, did extra putzing, H finally came home. Remember when I used to say that he would still come and look me up when he got home? Well, unless I’m standing in the driveway and he runs me over he doesn’t look me up. I had a haypile to restock yet, and he helped. I asked what if anything he knew about a young person that has horses here free in exchange for help, and hardly if ever shows up anymore. It about turned into a big fight, and I was so ready for one, I had to bite hard to prevent it. We finished, and I went and sat on the hay pile looking for healing while listening to the quiet munching of horses eating. We used to do that together, one of our favorite things.

The chili dogs were good. Very quiet, no words until the very end of the meal. I finally came up with a neutral topic.

Nope, no laundry anymore. I’ve thought so for awhile, must be his new GAL. He is the King of DB.

I haven’t read FF thread, I have spot checked, but it just moves faster than I’ve been able to keep up.

Truck insurance – he was driving his truck. Mine was in a heap and totaled just a few weeks before from a wreck we were in, along with the horse trailer, and if the guard rail wouldn’t have held we all would have been a pile at the bottom of a steep embankment. As it was, just my truck was totaled and $7000 of trailer damage. Insurance went up from that, I expected it. Then he got a speeding ticket, only the 2nd one in 12 years. Now it showed up on his DMV record so up we go again. I have called before, wanting to separate insurance, can’t do it. If you’re married you have to be on the same policy. My truck now is new, my payments are higher and interest is higher than on my last truck. It’s a long story somewhere back in one of the threads.

I’m holding out on the R talk yet, at least until my head clears, literally. Maybe that’s my reason for a bad day, I’ve had a nagging headache all day, and laid on the couch and napped, now I’m awake and it’s worse than ever, my eyes ache. I suppose it’s time for me to get the crud. I hope not, I don’t have time to be sick. H is still pretty snappy, and so am I, so I’m headed to bed before I really regret Friday the 13th+7.

[aynesr]

((WCW))

[WCW]

Thanks anyesr. Cyber hugs are great, now if I could just get some in real life.

Very pretty here this morning. Soft fluffy white snow, partial moonlight to do chores so early, snow fog in the air. Pretty and peaceful.

Now I go to a meeting, and at the end of the I get to vote if hubby should stay on the Board of this group or not. Do I support the organization? or my H and my marriage? should be a fun day.