Quote: I think I am still early on in this D process. I guess I have supressed some things because I always hoped H and I would reconcile. Now that I am truly headed for the big D, I'm still wrapping my mind around it. I'll get there, but I think like everything else in this journey, I have to go through the whole experience to come out the other end a truly better and happier person. I'm doing better at GAL, but I'm still working on it!
The GAL work is important, regardless. I'd set the reconciliation issue way aside. It's likelihood has little or nothing to do with the D happening or not, WCB, as your R exists outside of the social trappings of a M or D. The possibility and longterm success of a reconciliation has everything to do with your and his personal growth, and where that growth leads each of you individually.
Focusing solely on yourself, this leaves you with the option of working hard to improve yourself and ending up in a better place --- or not.
It was incredibly freeing for me to leave XW to her own devices, and to keep at my own work. That I can control. Her I cannot!
Hope your weekend's going well and you are blissed out after releasing all that anger.
STBXH called me this morning. His reason, you ask? He's been thinking about me alot lately. Great. Don't worry. I have no false hopes. But it does hurt to talk with him. I miss my husband, lover, best friend. Or, I miss who he used to be. I miss the one person I could share everything with. Share my day each evening. But, he can't be that person for me anymore
Beth, that must be hard to hear. You have your head screwed on right, but that kind of talk must drive you crazy. You do whatever it is that makes it easier for you and if it is asking him not to call, then so be it.
And keep dreaming of lazing in the sun in the not too distant future.
And keep dreaming of lazing in the sun in the not too distant future
Oh, believe me Kismet! I am daydreaming away! And STBXH can just have a great time wondering about us enjoying the sun and fun of the carribean. I can't wait! I need a tropical drink with one of those silly umbrellas!
Not much to report here. I'm on Jury Duty this week. What fun. I sat and read almost a whole novel today (Skinny Dip by Carl Hiaasen - very funny!). Will quickly finish it tonight before bed! I don't have to report tomorrow so it's back to work! Another day, another dollar! My mom is coming up to help me out since the kids are out of school for a few days and I might have to play "court". It'll be good to have mom here. She's been a truly wonderful support.
Took the kids to a museum on Saturday. We had a great time. Chicago has some fantastic museums. I do try to take the kids to see it as much as possible! We met up with my brother and had a great day. I spent Sunday cleaning. Yuck!
I hope I did't bore you all with my ho-hum weekend. But, it's better than the rollercoaster chaos I was on. I'll take ho-hum over that any day!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Oh, believe me Kismet! I am daydreaming away! And STBXH can just have a great time wondering about us enjoying the sun and fun of the carribean. I can't wait! I need a tropical drink with one of those silly umbrellas!
Yes, I think you've earnt a tropical drink or 10! Maybe send stbxh a postcard just to remind him what he's missing out on
Well, I had written this long post and it vanished. I hate that. So, I'll copy from an e-mail I wrote a friend earlier today:
My day started okay then STBXH called. He started harping at me about wanting to see all of the finances, etc. That someone had told him that I was secretly stashing away money, looking at his e-mail accout, planning to have surgeries, all kinds of crap. I swear I have no idea where any of that came from. Obviously, it was one of his brothers, who I haven't even talked to. I had gone out for drinks with his wife back in January and my have said some things I shouldn't but nothing like that! I think it was the old telephone game effect - what the first person says and what the last person says are two completely different things! I'm just very upset and mad right now. I realize that I can really not talk to his family anymore. They are his family, not mine. They tell me they are here for me but never call and check on me or ask how the kids are. I truly loved them as my family. But, blood is thicker I guess.
Well, I'm trying not to get too upset at work. I've already had a good cry. Now I'm just trying to hold my act together. I hope you don't mind me venting here to you - I don't expect any great advice - I just needed to get some of this anger out! I just find it so ironic that my H had an affair, spent tons of money on the OW, and never has to be accountable for his spending. Here I am, trying to keep us afloat, went back to work, juggling two kids, and everything I do is under a microscope and is being scrutinized. What did I do to deserve this? I'm really beginning to think that divorce will be a good thing. My life will truly be mine again. And I won't have to report to anyone but myself.
Ended up talking to STBXH later tonight (it was his night with the kids). Found out he is taking OW (I might start calling her wannabe) to Jamaica. Have fun. The kids and I will have fun on our trip.
I think it is time for me to let go of the hopes and dreams I had in my M. Time to start making new dreams. New goals. Really GAL. Time to focus on me. STBXH is a lost cause. And not my lost cause anymore either! Let OW deal with him. They aren't happy. They can only pretend for so long. I don't want to pretend. SO I'm off to find the REAL me.
Time for one more glass of wine...
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Sorry Beth, I guess they believe what they want to believe, and it is probably easier for him to think that you are doing all those things, and conveniently forget all those things he did and continues to do.
Perhaps the only silver lining in the cloud when they act so ugly, is to make our decision to move on easier.
Raise your glass Beth. You don't deserve all this cr@p. Try not to let him get you down.
OK maybe this week, my wah can hand his Superwanker tights over to your wah
You know my sentiments. That b$astard can KMA! It's good thing he is so conservative with the $$$ (going to Jamaica and all) since you have been so frivolous spending it on things like feeding the kids.
Quote: SO I'm off to find the REAL me.
You go girl! The real you would take one look at STBX and snort in derision.
Quote: I think it is time for me to let go of the hopes and dreams I had in my M. Time to start making new dreams. New goals. Really GAL. Time to focus on me. STBXH is a lost cause. And not my lost cause anymore either! Let OW deal with him. They aren't happy. They can only pretend for so long. I don't want to pretend. SO I'm off to find the REAL me.
Time for one more glass of wine...
I just bought a tshirt that I'm going to wear under my suit on d-day next month. It says "I don't want him. You can have him." It's all pretty and glittery Only $9.99 at Kmart Pick one up for yourself, lol.
Pick one up for yourself, lol.