Yes, the pizza was very yummy. Will have to do that again soon!
Having a tough evening and instead of sending the STBXH a stupid e-mail I will vent here. So I apologize in advance for the silly and crazy rant. I'm so mad at him for doing this. For walking away from his family. For walking away from me. For deciding that it is better to put our kids through hell than to stay married to me. To make me a single parent. I can't be a full time mom anymore. S6 asked me how long I have to work. When can I pick him up from school? It's so fun and he misses that. I miss it too. I'm always struggling with trying to work and keep up with homework, housework, bills, groceries, etc. I'm mad that he has dumped this in my lap and walked out with his little floosie. And I am sad. Sad at the loss of my hopes and dreams. And I am mad that I allowed someone to have so much control over me and my life.
I could go on and on but it would just be a variation on a theme. I wish I could get past this anger and resentment. Some days I do better than others. But I know I have to release this to really move on and heal. So, if you all don't mind, I continue to vent here and let it all go.
I do know that at some point in the future (hopefully in the near future) I will be happy again and look at this as a learning point in my life. So, at least I do see a positive outcome. And I know in the end my happiness will be my sweetest revenge. So, here's to finding that happiness inside myself. I find a little more of it everyday.
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
It really does get better but I think we do have to feel this anger and acknowledge rather than try to stuff it away.
I never thought I would get past the anger and it doesn't come near as often now and I can tell you I am very glad of that, but I do feel the anger is legitimate and we deserve to feel it after the way we were treated.
Hope today is a better day for you.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I do truly believe he is in a true state of confusion. He may never get out of it. But no matter what, I have to move on.
This is a critical observation, Beth.
Whatever leads to the decision to uproot one's family and trigger so much pain must be sizable. And for the weaker folks, perhaps it will never be overcome or resolved.
Its important for you and your loved ones, that you do indeed release yourself from his confusion and pain, and continue to grow and develop as a person.
I like to think of it as my continuing down what I know to be a positive path and direction. If my XW does a turnabout, and begins to go along the same path, that would please me, as I want her to end up in a good place. I'm not saying that I know what's right, or that there is only one place that's right, but that it sure is obvious when someone is stumbling about drunk with pain and confusion, isn't it?
Hang in there, Beth. And vent away as needed, away from him.
