Moving on with life.

[sad_n_lonely]

Hi all, I don't know if anyone will remember me or not. I have been on these boards for a long time and still come here though I am not DBing anymore. My D will be final Sept. 18th after 3 long years of being seperated. I did try to save my M, and learned alot about saving myself in the process.

I am almost done with college (grad. in 2 weeks), I have made a good life for myself, and I have forgiven my STBX for his incapability of being M. He is astounded at the changes I have made in my life and seems really jealous/envious of them.

I have been involved with a couple of guys but I think relationships are overrated. Everyone puts on a facade, and when you get to know the "real" them, it's a disappointment to say the least. I sometimes wonder if true love and committment really exist. I would love to have that fairytale dream of a life partner, but not at this point in my life. Too cynical! LOL.

I guess I am here to hopefully gain some insight on how to move on after the big D. I think I am doing a fairly good job of it but every little bit helps. I would love to hear from ppl who have found new loves that really are making it work. I need all the hope I can get.

Love to hear from those who might remember me. I have various threads here so feel free to look them up. God bless!
Debi

[Briget]

Hi Debi,

I remember you a little.I got on the board a month before you I think.Wow that was a long time ago wasn't it.

I know it hard to let the feelings for your ex go.I don't think we ever really do.But we can tuck their memory in a small part of our hearts.We never forget our first loves.Or the ones we love the deepest.And we are not meant to.It's part of what made us who we are.But they are not the whole picture.I'm now trying to remember all the good stuff we had and set aside all the hurt he caused me.Not easy.

I'm in new relationship right now.But I don't know if it is going to work out.We are complete opposites.He is a neat nix I'm not......

But I'm enjoying the right now of it.If it lasts then I get to enjoy the right now of it for good.If not then now is good.(I think I just rambled there)

So how did your new relationships go and how did they end?

My bf told me today that he believes in the one and he hasn't felt that for anyone yet.Does that mean he won't feel that for me? Don't know.That doesn't matter to me.I don't believe in the one.I feel like life is a puzzle and I fit in there somewhere.Just havn't found where yet.And I'm not going to try to force myself to fit.I do or I don't.

I'm not sure if this helps.Not really sure it made sense.I'm on allery meds.LOL

Later Friend
Briget

[StrongNSassy]

Hey Debi,

Welcome back... I wasn't around back then... but I'm here now!! LOL!!

I was divorced in 00 after 15yrs. After that I was in a relationship for 5yrs... and when it was good it was good, and well when it was bad... LOL I ended up here!!

But now... life has taken a different turn of events for me. I've just passed the one year mark. I met someone a few months back who has most definitley changed my life and my world... for the better. I may have met my match, soul mate, whatever he may be... only time will tell. But I can tell you that it CAN happen again. I feel deeper for this man than I have any other man in my life. I dug deep into my soul and actually wrote out what I was looking for and a couple of months later he appeared in my life almost a dream come true. Will it stand the test of time, I don't know... I live it one day at a time. Recently I found myself backpeddling because of my insecurity, he immediately picked up on it and we talked it through... "communication is just as important as good sex." is what he told me... and let me tell you I have both ;-)

So don't give up... I admit I kissed a few frogs along the way... some slimier than others, LOL but it was all well worth it!!

[MAL]

Hi Debi.

Yes I remember you. There aren't many of us old-timers left, and the ones that ran in the same circles are easy to remember - like you. Since we also had some mutual friends. I think you also met another friend who used to live in Texas. It seems I remember him saying that. Am I right?

I saw your post yesterday and didn't have time to reply. Next thing I knew, you were on page 2. It's late and I've had a long day, but I wanted to say hello. I'll try to write a better reply tomorrow.

Good to see that you are doing well.

Hugs!

Mal

[sad_n_lonely]

Hi Briget, Sassy and Mal. Thank you all for your reply.

Briget...I met a really nice guy and we dated for a week, he dumped me, we got back together a little while later and were together 4 months before he did it again. He has been hurt by his ex who cheated on him repeatedly, got pregnant by one of those affairs, and now lives with affair #2. I really came to care about him alot and even still am trying to maintain a friendship. The kicker is, he told me he had no feelings, never would, and I wasn't the right "one" for him. Yep, he believes in "the one". I really don't because love is a choice.

Soooo....I start seeing someone else and he freaks out on me. Tells me I ripped his heart out, he DOES have feelings for me, he can't believe that I did him the same way his ex did, etc. Well, who dumped whom???? I am still in shock.

Guy #2 has alot of problems I won't go into here. Short of a miracle it won't work out, ya know? I really fell hard for this guy quickly. He left back to his home in Oregon. We are still in touch but I am back to being a single.

Guy #1 is still very upset with me and to be honest I don't need the drama as much as I want him in my life. I have no idea how that is going to work out. I don't think I want to give him yet another chance to dump me.

Sassy... I am glad you seem to have found someone who is good to you. I hope and pray it works out if that's what you want. I wish I could get the man I dream up! LOL. Don't think he exists though.

[[[[[[MAL]]]]]] Hi there. I remember you well and still keep up with your threads. Yes, I did meet up with our mutual friend who used to live in Tx. He's a good guy, his W is lucky.

I am so glad we have places like this to come and share war stories. It will be hard for me to learn to be in a R if that happens again. I am so used to being alone and independent. Any ideas on how to merge my life with someone elses? I think three years is a long time but I still don't seem to be ready.

I guess I need to get off here and get to bed. I really wanted to get back to you all before I got too busy this week. I have finals and no time to get on here more than likely. So until we meet up again, take care and thanks for replying to me. God bless,
Debi

[freckles1]

Debi -

It's absolutely great you're graduating!

You're right - 3 years is a long time to be going through this. My STBX and I are having mediation next Tuesday (say a prayer) and hopefully we'll get things settled without going to trial. We've been separated for 3 years now, too.

Living Well has a good post on this forum about moving on. She's been on these boards since about 1999. I've met her and Clark Kent - they're both lovely people.

You'll make it - it just takes time. You know they're a lot of frogs out there

Email me when you can.

Hugs,

Mary

[sad_n_lonely]

[[[Mary]]]
Hi, yes, we have been doing this about the same amount of time, eh? It really stinks but I am so ready to go on with my life. I am sad but at the same time glad for both of us that this nightmare seems to be coming to a close.

I tend to meet all the "princes", really. I have a knack of kissing them into toads!!! LOL To hear them tell it, anyway! Even Guy #1. I have been "seeing" him, as friends, but he has been pushing my buttons like crazy. I have no idea why but it's gotten way old, real fast. My sons love him so I hate to push him out of my life. I am gonna go dark on him until he can maintain some normal attitude about all this.

I am in contact with Guy #2 on a regular basis. He is actually making some changes in his life in hopes I will change my mind about making a life with him. I adore his mom and sister and keep in touch so I know he has tried these changes before but has not maintained them. So I worry about that, but I truly love the guy and want to see him succeed. I put him in God's hands. That's all I can do.

I will email you, as I have a bit more time now. I have a couple certification tests I must take soon so need to study for those. I really look forward to finding a great job soon. So glad to hear from you! Take care. God bless,
Debi

[sad_n_lonely]

Hello all!
My life is moving right along. I am doing great, taking life one day at a time and taking chances on moving ahead and moving up! LOL.

I am moving out of state to pursue my career and guy #2. I am in a good place so I am comfy taking a risk to see if he could be good for me. If he is not, then I will be okay moving on. My main goal is *me* and my dreams. I think I will find a great job and start to build my life post-D.

It feels good to be me!!! DB has really been good for me and I have indeed became a new person, one that I like alot better than the old one!! I know that with God's guidance, I can do anything I want to in this life. And I am confident that with or without a man in my life, I will be just great!

Anyway, friends, I just wanted to update and say hello to all. Take care and Happy Holidays!!! God bless,
Debi

[freckles1]

Hey Debi -

Good to see you post. It sounds like things are working out very well for you I wish you nothing but the best in life.

Email me and let me know where you're moving - anywhere down south??

I just moved over to Surviving after STBXH and I had our mediation a little over a week ago. It was postponed several times. It went well - I got the house which was the big thing for me. It would be so hard to move with all my critters. We should be D by the end of the year. I hope so for tax purposes if nothing else.

Sorry to hihack - but we've come a long way baby

Hope you have a safe and very happy Thanksgiving.

Hugs,
Mary

[Sherman333]

I am moving out of state to pursue my career and guy #2. I am in a good place so I am comfy taking a risk to see if he could be good for me. If he is not, then I will be okay moving on. My main goal is *me* and my dreams. I think I will find a great job and start to build my life post-D.

Congrats and Good Luck!!!