Well first, I'm so glad H came out of the op okay. Of course you were worried and emotional, there is always a risk to surgery, and that worry is sitting on top of your existing distress over the state of your M. Seems like crying buckets is a totally normal response to all that.
I'm glad he called you, and think his comment just shows his genuine ambivalence. He is just a lost puppy, and there seems to be nothing much you can do but wait and hope he wanders home.
Thanks too for visiting my thread. I was sorry to learn, though, that your H is one is those desperate to D. Maybe he will have a different outlook after this op, you never know.
Thanks AH. He rang me again to tell me that the op had been more complex and they were keeping him in overnight. They were moving him to HDU as that was the only bed they have and he didn't want me ringing up and being told he was there as he thought that might finish me off. I joked that it would have sent me to the loo and he said or celebrate so I said sent me to the loo and then I'd celebrate. He laughed. There were lots of sweethearts and darlings in the conversation which was nice. He is still planning on going away tomorrow when he is "released" but he opened up a bit more saying he was going to relax, recuperate and read lots of books. Don't expect he'll feel like much else anyway. Wish he wanted to cuddle up with me to recover but hey that's not the way it is and I just have to get used to it. Anyway guess I should look at the positive side no running after a terrible patient! lol
Hi Folks, I would like to respond to the following quote:
I was thinking about the word "simple". Have you ever noticed how your darling little mlcer talks about having things simple, or wanting a simpler life? Well, if you think about it, they are talking about the days when they were young, free w/no obligations, and no one to answer to.
2 Months before my wife left us, she said this “ I’m glad we had children but in a way I wished we hadn’t. And I was living in a house or flat with a group of girls, and I had a job where I would meet lots of people, like a receptionist.”
Hi Elliecat, At least your H recognises and appreciates what you have done for him and that you still are his friend. He seems to be nicer towards you and maybe AH is right when saying that his outlook on things might change after the surgery.
After reading AH's post earlier I left a voicemail on his phone before surgery saying that I knew he was trying to do what would make him happy and that I wouldn't stand in his way and I respected his decisions. Had a text tonight saying that he was feeling better and thanking me for the voicemail that it meant a lot to him. Guess he was feeling a bit lonely and sorry for himself in the hospital. By tomorrow it will have worn off!
Just when you think you've turned a corner life pulls the rug out from under you. This has been such a traumatic week with D sick and h in hospital. What should have been day surgery turned into 2 night stay. He rang me regularly and text. Day after the op we nearly had a fall out by text. He said ow had wanted me at the hospital, to talk to me and that he would have been there for me. I said no that wasn't going to happen he had made his choice to have her there and I respected that. Sisterinlaw told him off and he saw that he was being unreasonable so that was something. He said that he knew I was with him and acknowledged my love for him (a first). I said that I would bring youngest D down to see him later. Then there were the texts to ow. She wants to be friends again - told her Ididn't think so and to look after him as I love him very much. She said I know and I'm sorry for all the pain you have been through. Anyway to cut it short I asked when she was going to the hospital as I didn't want to go when she was there. Had a text from h saying she and her parents had gone so I could go. Turns out that her parents have rented a cottage and they had a spare room so he was going there for a few days and then on to his sisters. We had a long talk and I asked him about his relationship with her. He said we are really really good friends and I care deeply for her. He also said that he could not commit to a relationship with anyone right now. He wants the girls and I in his life he just doesn't know how and that he loves me. The hospital visit went well and after 2 hours left to come home. He said I know this is difficult for you and I said yes impossible. I told him that D and I wanted to look after him and he said yes I know. So yesterday morning everything just landed on top of me. eldest D was still ill and nothing seems to be helping. I spoke to h and just crumpled. He said it was ok and that it had been a hell of a week and to take the day off. He was sorry for shouting at me but he had been frustrated. He realised that the divorce and selling the house were insignificant. His priorities had changed he wanted to sort his health out and then work and then slot everything else into place. He called me sweetheart and darling and it was lovely. So now he is at the cottage and we have spoken and text. His younger D was texting him last night and he said tell mum I'm fine but I didn't get a text of my own again. Will I hear from him today - I don't know. I miss him so much and I'm fed up with telling everyone that it's ok and that I don't care. I do. so much. I told him that I missed the intimacy and I wanted to be able to curl up on the sofa with him and watch a film and then he goes home. He said right now he couldn't but who knew about the future. I think I'm going mad and I thought I had got over this. I don't know if it is MLC or post traumatic stress anymore or he just doesn't want me. I should add that me opening up like this to h and expressing my feelings is a 180 for me. sorry I've rambled. words of wisdom anyone
Hi Ellicat, Your H seems to really have changed his thoughts about your sitch, and I find it good that you told him your feelings (althought not DBing). And yes, you are not over him, I know the feeling, I guess like me, you will never be over him.
Just hang in there and take it slowly, but above all, be PATIENT. HUGS
thanks True. So far he hasn't been in touch this morning and I am fighting the urge to text him to find out how he is. One thing I forgot to mention when I sat on the edge of his bed he looked at me and said you are looking really well. He had only seen me 2 days before - we usually see each other every day. How do you get them off your mind? Think I am going to wack some loud music on and do housework - how sad is that! lol
