Hi True. H is in a "safe place" at the moment and doesn't want to move forward. However, we see lots of each other and do loads together I have hugs and "affectionate" kisses. We talk - not relationship talks. I am just waiting and seeing where this will go. He says he loves me and that he knows I love him and that means a lot to him. The only down point for me is that I feel androgenous - that he doesn't see me as a woman at all. He is not looking for anyone else either and wants me in his life with the kids but still needs his own space. I appreciate how far we have come in a short space of time but I miss the passion - I just hope that will come back.
Ellie...It will happen!! They have to take it slow and this is better then rushing into something and toying with your emotions. It really does get better, its just that patience thing. Before they can be fully reconnected they still have to go through stages. My H was afraid to come near me in case I rejected him physically, he said that it was very emotional for him to ML to me again, it meant letting go of the fence he was riding. I am sure your Husband feels very similar. You are doing great, hang in there....
Maybe you'll get to unwrap him for Christmas
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Hi Ellicat, I am pleased for you that things are smooth for now. Take it slowely. Things won't change so quickly. BND is an "expert" and gave you good advice.
Quote: He is not looking for anyone else either and wants me in his life with the kids but still needs his own space.
That is a step in the right direction. Sometimes it is better that he has his own space. Like this he will not see your meltdowns. You seem to do OK - hang in there. HUGS
Thanks for still keeping an interest True and BND. Today is not such a good day for me. H is always pleasant but sometimes very insular. He was talking about holidaying on his own next year and I tried to show an interest and smile but inside it hurt. He loves to see me and talk to me and spend time with me but come the evening he hurries back next door. He hugs me and gives me pecks on the nose or lips but I don't think if I stood naked in front of him he would show any interest and that hurts. I wonder if he will ever really take me in his arms again or if this is how he thinks things will always be. He still won't sign the form for his counselling - never goes and picks up the form which is waiting for him! We are going out together tomorrow night and then he is visiting his sister (again) this weekend. She just uses it as a free babysitter and goes out for the night (her hubby is in the forces and away at the moment). Sorry for the rambling but I just needed to write this down.
Ellie, I can see how very hard this all is for you but FWIW I think the slow approach is the best one. I've read so many posts on here about how the H/W came home and the couple in question tried to go back to the way things were immediately and then within days/weeks (or in my case 18 months) they are gone again only this time in deeper than they ever were before. It is good that you are going out together. Ok so he is babysitting for his sister but there are positives to that too. He has told you where he is going. I don't how old her kids are but there is potential for them to 'spill the beans' if he turns up with anyone else (which I guess is what you are worried about). Also think back to when your H was working away, wouldn't you have given anything to let someone babysit and get out for a while? You know where I am if you want to chew someone's ear off (instead of letting it all go at H).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hi Elliecat, Like AJC said things need to move slowly.
Quote: I don't think if I stood naked in front of him he would show any interest
I know how you feel about him not showing any interest, but at least you get a hug and he likes to be with you. These are all baby steps. So just enjoy him as much as you can.
Ellie, thanks for the chat today. you called just at the right time. I did have a few tears after we hung up but nowhere near as many as I would've had without your call.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Spoke on the phone to Elliecat last friday, she is doing well. I am ill in bed, but as soon as I am back to work I will phone her and ask her to visit the board. I suspect she is lurking.
