Superb reply from Pegasus from the fortysixty website, when asked for an example to the question
Do not believe what you hear, and believe 1/2 of what you see.
Can Anybody give me a example??? Can anybody clearify???
Originally Posted By: Pegasus from the fortysixty website
The MLCer is so lost, he/she doesn't know what he/she is saying or doing most of the time. Believing what you hear would be like taking Pinocchio's word as gospel and then being surprised when his nose grew. They don't know what they're saying, but that's not going to stop them from saying SOMETHING, even if it's stupid and completely out of character to them. At the time, it makes PERFECT sense to them.
Believing what you see would be like thinking the Big Bad Wolf in the bed is really Grandma, and then being surprised when you get eaten. They don't know what they're doing, but that's not going to stop them from doing SOMETHING, even if it's stupid and completely out of character for them. At the time, it makes PERFECT sense to them, no matter how bizarre it seems to those of us who are in our right mind. Best thing to do when confronted with a MLCer is to close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, and hum your favorite soothing tune until they disappear. They will soon realize that they have no power over you, and you will be back in control of your own life.
Quote:She cannot miss me even though she says she tries (weird, huh?)
This is typical MLC- blokkage....they try to force themselves to feel these things...but since they are NOT in touch with their feelings, just their ratio...that's why they can't FIND those feelings...
It's like when you look for something so hard, but you just can't find it and then you forget about it, and all of a sudden you find it, or remember where you left it.... They are stuck in the first bit....
My H is the same....this is where ILYBNILY anymore applies....they know they love us, but they are looking for those 'butterflies' so hard and then when they don't find them, well...they think they must be gone...
Life is NOT like a box chocolates any longer, as most chocolate boxes now have the pictures on the insdie of the box descripting what they are. So we have a CHOICE of which one we want!
It's as simple as that....a choice. We have choices
When I first came to this board shortly after my W left, I was asking myself all sorts of questions. "Why is this happening?", "What did I do wrong?", "How did I not see that things where that bad?" When I started reading book on the subject, I kept reading the same senarios over and over again. H & W argue constantly, physical abuse, alcohol abuse, neglect, .... What really bothered me is that none of these things where in my marraige. Now I can see that the things that are wrong with my marriage are small and easily correctable. I now realize that the basic (rediculous) reason, I'm separated is because my W wanted to go and play with her bad friend more. Hardly grounds for D and abandoning your children. However, W is not well. She is in MLC and you cannot group this with other people that get D. It is vastly different. We are different because we know, we took the responsibility to learn.
Resentment, anger, and fear make up the triangle of self obsession. All of our defects of character are forms of these three reactions. Self-obsession is at the heart of our insanity. Resentment is the way most of us react to our past. It is the relilving of past experiences, again and again in our minds. Anger is the way most of us deal with the present. It is our reaction to and denial of reality. Fear is what we feel when we think about the future. It is our response to the unknown; a fantasy in reverse. All three of these things are expressions of our self obsession. They are the way that we react when people, places and things (past, present and future) do not live up to our demands.
If we stay focused, and learn to practice principles in all our affairs, a miracle happens. We find freedom from our self obsession. Resentment is replaced with acceptance, anger is replaced with love; and fear is replaced with faith.
Someone once told me, "Keep walking forward on the your own path of healing and strengthening. Some day you will turn around and either he will be walking beside you or he will be so far back you won't be able to see him. And if that's what it is, you will be ok with it and ready to move on." I am finding that to be so true
This was just the thread I needed tonight. I like No. 2, it has everything to do with 180. Change your direction, make it about you. They have made it about them. So join them and make it about you.
