see like right now, I can tell H is having a bad day - thinking about "things"
How should I redirect? I had TM him saying "I miss you" - his reply was "I am sorry" so I don't really know how to respond - or if I even should...ya know?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
UA, when you TM "I miss you" it says to him that he has failed you again cuz he's not with you and therefore making you unhappy. He's supposed to make you happy not lonely! So in his male mind you just unintentionally stimulated his "shame" reflex. He's let you down AGAIN therefore he is "sorry"! Maybe just a "have a great day, see you tonight" or something like that would suffice. I'm not familiar enough with your sitch yet to advise otherwise. Take care.
well normally when I TM him that, he will reply with me too or something....I think this is a bad day for him so I'm going to let him stew in it I guess .... I don't know
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Whatisis, nice job on refocusing, redirecting. You get to put a gold star behind your name! (did you do that before you read my quality advice saying the same thing? insert breaking my arm patting myself on the back)
UA, if I remember some of your sitch you got blasted pretty hard for constantly texting to your H. You're still doing it? what's changed to make it a 'positive' to be texting 'I miss you' to him now?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW, somehow I missed your advise, but I've gone back and read it now! Thanks. I'm really at a point where I have to look and say "Let's sit down and decide where we're going" I did suggest counselling to help us look at the future but she refused. Maybe I need to sit her down and say "sh!t or get off the pot". Give her a time limit (boundary) to decide between me and OW and then follow it. If she chooses OW then we work together to dissolve our situation as amiciably as possible with full attention to the kids. End of story! If she chooses to work on us, then I'm there for it. My boundary will be, make a choice or I will do so for us. I have told her that I will not continue this endlessly, so maybe she needs an alarm clock to be set. It's either that or I suck it up, let go and concentrate on me and the kids and that is that. I'm leaning to setting the time limit!
UA, just to conclude my earlier thought, when he replied "I'm sorry" that created anxiety for you! You start wondering, what is he thinking? How will it affect me? what if...you ned to re-focus your attention to something else. Remember, just because he's having a bad day it doesn't necessarily involve you. That's hard when we become hyper-sensitive to any word or action of our partner (God knows, I'm trying to learn this myself). If he's having a bad day, then you have a good one! Moods rub off on each other, especially partners. Don't let his bad mood transform yours. That will help him the most. When he gets home, serve him a coffee, give him his newspaper and a little alone time, give him a loving hug or a touch on the arm. Those are connecting things! Good luck.
UA, sorry about the advice being a little off track (although the anxiety thing still stands!). I'm a little self involved these days, it's how I bond with my W now, it's good to have something in common with her Thanks for checking in on me!
insert breaking my arm patting myself on the back) 
Thanks for checking in on me!