Thank you Amy. I just wanted to steal your post from Seperated, as there are alot of new 'guys' here. While Happy is posting, I really do believe that there is a huge difference in male MLC and female MLC, not to sound too sterotypical but the simple difference in perceptions from emotion and logic.
I am indebted to you for posting here and letting these guys, us poor SOB's, the walking wounded, get that glimpse, thank you.
Simon can you grab anything for the Resources from Amy's posting.
Thank you Amy.
Jack
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thank you Amy! When I looked at your comments about NC, I called my SIL in and said there is H! Finally, someone who kind of resembles him. I could kiss you!!!
Do you think if you H had pushed for a D it would have been better or worse, than just leaving you alone?
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Thank you very much, Amy, and Ever, for sharing your experiences.
This struck me in particular:
Originally Posted By: AmyC
To you I'll say this: If you don't humble yourself at this time, if you let pride make you bitter and vengeful, she will never feel able to ask your forgiveness. And THAT ALONE IS PARAMOUNT to her coming out of MLC a better and stronger person. You see, the hardest thing for her will be forgiving herself and she can never do that unless she can come back and talk with you. Love her or not, leave her or not, you've got to make yourself a person (because you are THE person) she can come to and apologize. This is when you're going to have your feet held to fire and you'll find out if your love is really unconditional.
While she's lost, you have work of your own to do.
This isn't just her journey.
You're also here for a reason.
To be totally honest, today, I'm not sure if I'm up for this. I believe I have changed for the better during these 22 months. According to all accounts, I have. But I can see and feel clearly what an enormous effort it will take from here on to become and remain that humble, accepting, forgiving person. Today, I just don't know. But I thank you Amy for spelling it out, in no uncertain terms. I'm certain you are right.
Thank you Amy! When I looked at your comments about NC, I called my SIL in and said there is H! Finally, someone who kind of resembles him. I could kiss you!!!
Do you think if you H had pushed for a D it would have been better or worse, than just leaving you alone?
Whenever he pushed at all he had a hellcat on his hands. Lay low. You'll have less scars.
Thank you SO MUCH for your posts and efforts. It's certainly not easy coming here and sharing your experiences...a time in life I'm sure you would many times rather keep in the past....and for sharing while the both of you are now on the same side of the fence as us.
Though the femalve vs male MLC has differences, I can also see MANY similartiies. Of course, this goes without saying.
So many hurdles, and so much of it not in our hands.
Keep on living, is the way to go for now.
You're right about laying low....it's been the best tactic for me, too.
The answers always come from within, for both the MLCer and the LBS.
So, I have felt most comfortable letting H come to his own realizations, answers or living in a fog.
Trust in God. Trust that God will give you what you need to make it through, anything.
