From AMY C, guru, and former MLCer, in response to Jazz:
Quote:
Why do you think she is so distant? She CAN'T deal with your emotions AND her own, Jazz.
Her own OVERWHELM her. That's why she's out there, man. That's why she's lost.
In a nutshell guys, all you guys, and there are a lot as of late, and I personally feel there IS a difference between a woman in MLC and a man in MLC...this insight comes from a woman who was in an MLC.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Those words are great, and they explain a lot, but I'm still pretty confused as to how you know if your W is having a MLC or not. Some things appear to suggest that she is, others do not. Reading over the 'signs' is misleading to me, because if some things seem to fit and others do not, how is the determination made?
Current thread
Me-38 W-31 No Kids Bomb-10/10/06 She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
only you will know if W is in MLC, there is no scientific and/or medicaldiagnosis on it. Believe I wish there was and maybe some little pill to help cure it or at least speed things up.
Also your W may not fit ALL of the MLC signs. Some may hit harder than other's and some she may not show at ALL.
You need to decided if it is and what route you are going to take! B/c You are the one that is going to need to work this, all of us out here on the DB BB will support you and try and help with our advice, that is what we are here for.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
But if I decide she is in MLC, then that dictates how I handle things right? But if I'm wrong, won't I have been handling things incorrectly? I think that's why I'm so confused.
I appreciate your kind words, and I'm not trying to hijack this thread, it just was something that confused me. The whole idea of how one determines whether they're dealing with a spouse who is going through MLC.
Current thread
Me-38 W-31 No Kids Bomb-10/10/06 She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
Is she confused, is she confusing? Is she wishy washy? Has her life style changed dramatically or even a little?
The biggest sign for me is the confusion.
To me a True Walk Away Spouse is: See you done, divorce ASAP no regreets and no remorse. The only thing that changes in their life is that they do not want you in it.
MLC what they want changes day to day, they want you they don't...it really is up to you to read the resources...if most of them fit...sorry to say MLC.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
MLC what they want changes day to day, they want you they don't...it really is up to you to read the resources...if most of them fit...sorry to say MLC.
Strange as it sounds, I wouldn't mind if it was MLC. At least that would be a reason as to why she is acting the way she is. For me, the hardest thing right now is having no idea where she is coming from or why she is doing what she is doing.
In any case, I will continue to read up on it, and thanks again for all the help!
Current thread
Me-38 W-31 No Kids Bomb-10/10/06 She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
About the question of how to handle if MLC or WAW, The beauty of this process is that you behave the same. You can only control your behaviors, and for either they are the same.
The difference is that with MLC there is a phsychological reason for the WAS behavior, (that's the good news) and it will be a much slower process (that's the bad news)to come home, if they ever do. The if they ever do is for both WAS and MLC. With a WAS you can expect results in a somewhat timely manner. Less than 1 year. For MLC it can take 1-2 or 3to 5 years to resolve. That is my take, and I'm sticking to it.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I had, for months on these boards, thought my H was the WAH.
Then, things got weirder, the ride got WILDER.
I found this forum and cried, I was stunned, this was IT. MLC was what was happening to my H.
What is the hallmark (in my case): * crazy spending * many OW - none of whom are anywhere NEAR suitable - obvious affair down and using women * anger * lies, lies and more lies - not just about the A to cover it up, but about your past (rewriting history), about you. Also, lying to EVERYONE, not just you out of fear to your response or the A. My H has lied to his family, mine, his friends, everyone. * My H is, I think the only MLCer on the board who has had this very disturbing thing - he claims to hear voices, see things/images. Yep, can't explain t his one and it's pretty dang scary. Part of intense depression b/c he never had signs of schizophrenia or bipolar before (early onset diseases). * Totally unusual behavior...think of the things they loved/cherished/valued most in life and they will totally discard those things and do opposite. My H valued financial security and he has nothing now, spent it all wrecklessly. His professional reputation came above everything, now it is in shambles. He hated staying up late, now he takes calls at 3am routinely. never took time out of work for personal things, now he is texting and calling his "friends" all day. * Admission to intense depression, running from pain, all that good stuff that MLCers say and feel.
