Why the MLCer is so distant

[Imageer]

I think a big difference between women and men in this has to do with the kids.

[Going Solo]

Actually, my W hasn't been emotional or bitchy. Which is why it took so for me to find out something really bad was afoot.

Of course, I had an easy diagnosis for MLC when my wife said, "I don't know! Maybe I'm having a Mid-life Crisis!" during her bombing run.

[Imageer]

Initially, I said I didn't see it comeing, but thinking back, I can see a lot of changes in her behaviour over the last couple of years.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

With the exception of the truely unexpected, i.e. comet from the sky.

All action have precedents, and portents leading up to them. The trick to actually see them or learn to see them and predict or deflect. However a popualr theory is MLC is mostly unavoidable, perhaps the ability to manage the severity of it however, isn't.

[always_14]

Can't say if either Male or Female MLC is worst. I think they're both bad.

And, to say that the men "just act weird" is a severe understatement!!!!

I also think, to some extent, this was going to happen to them anyway. What we do not see here, are people who go through MLC who are NOT M.

My brother went through a QLC, nearly destroyed his career in the process. Dropped out of life and aimless. Full of anger at himself and others.

Another friend went throgh the same thing, not M at the time, and she also took her unhappiness out on her life and jobs. She developed a very wreckless lifestyle in a high profile job...and eventually hit the wall. She is the FIRST person who introduced me to the concept of MLC as H's problem. She told me that this would have happened no matter what, was not me, and to stay away VERY far away.

[happy_again]

but in all fairness who really ever knew what mlc was before it happened to us or our spouses. how do you think we couls have been more prepared to handle this / i think women are worse because many of them walk away from their kids

[lawless]

HA,

I agree they could be worse, mine was a living hell for the 2 or 3 years before the bomb/OM. I didn't understand what was going on and was away from home working alot so I didn't give it too much attention. She had some huge anger, breaking stuff and getting physical with me as well as she could. she is 5 foot nothing so it made me laugh more than anything.

Before the anger was depression, this was 3 years or more ago, she got meds for it and got level but still made comments from time to time about feeling as low as a piece of dog sh*t.

I can see she got in deep MLC about 8 months ago, suddenly out with new D friends, sometimes all night. Believe it or not I encouraged this, I told her "nice to see you have finally GAL"

Well that sure bit me in the ass, 5 months ago I caught her with OM.........she ran and is now living with him.

She has abandon her kids, given me sole custody in the LS. All I have heard from her for years is that I am a sh*tty father, all of a sudden I am great father.

So far so worse.............

But,

She does not spew now that she is gone, she comes around to see the kids a couple of times a week and will do housework while she is here and will be upset if I won't let her. She is alot nicer than she was 3 years ago, but she will run fast if she feels comfortable here at home.

The change in her came when I decided to just settle for friendship, I am becoming her friend I think, she will confide small things to me and I quit hiding what is going on with me, she is aware of what I am doing and it seems to have set her at ease.


Better or worse, the jury is out on this one for me.

[AmyC]

i think women are worse because many of them walk away from their kids

My kids stayed with me in the house and I threw my husband out.
Twice.

And for the record, I wasn't overly emotional or bitchy, although there were certainly times...
My husband said it best when he looked at me one day from across the kitchen and said "You're as cold as ice".

To this day, I remember that moment.

I'd become the tinman.

[justbestfriends]

Just come back from time away at an interview and have read this and found it really interesting and helpful. Thank you for posting, ladies.

Is it possible to have a MLCer who is also fixed on making the changes e.g. selling the house quickly? She doesn't seem to be showing me much confusion in that respect at the moment though before I asked her to leave she was very much cake eating, wanting me as her main emotional support but OM for 'fun'. She didn't really want to go and if I could have stood it, I think she'd still be at home now. She really didn't want to make that decision herself.

[Going Solo]

Right now my W is the same way. In her view, she's being responsible by owning up to the financial part of the sitch. She wants to fix the house to sell it, since I can't afford it on my own. She also doesn't want anything from the house (furniture, computer, etc.) and wants to get D as soon as possible.

If it wasn't for the confusion and the fact that she's following the stages of MLC like a textbook, I'd say she was WAW.

Now, I'm handling all of this by doing nothing. She wants to work on the house, it will only be when she's available. She wants to sell it and get a D, I'm letting her do all the work, I'm not calling a realtor or a lawyer at all.