Trying to piece at last

[RedHeadWife]

H, I responded to your questions on my thread. I came back over here to refresh my memory on your sitch. I definitely think it would be ok if he were over @ the house and one thing led to another. BUT listen to your gut instincts. Make sure you feel like the time is right and feel comfortable or he may take it the wrong way -- if you feel like you are being "pushy," he may take it that way, you know what I mean? Just be patient & watch & listen for clues from him as to where he's at.

[hurtingbad]

thanks cadesmom for answering my questions. I am at a bit of a loose end tonight so am just surfing around lol. H usually has kids on a thursday while I am at work but I am off this week and he hasnt came for them not sure if its cos he has fell to sleep (he does this quite often lol poor thing is always tired) or wether it is cos he had them last night while i went to anne summers party and he is having them tomorrow while I go out on a leaving do. So havent called or TM him to ask what he is doin or why he hasnt turned up. I think this is the hardest part piecing I mean cos you are like treading on eggshells trying not to upset them or push them too quick.

[RedHeadWife]

Just keep the faith -- that in the end your patience will pay off!! I know the walking on egg shells feeling, but that will end too.

[hurtingbad]

Well just got back from a lovely walk with H and D and MIL dog lol. the walk wasnt intended but H and D were taking dog out and H asked would you like to come? woohoo i said ok that will be nice we walked for about an hour chatting about all sorts, memories of things we had done with kids we walked past our old house and reminissed about that too lol but all in all it was lovely and H said he will come over here to mind kids for me while I go out tonight:-) He usually minds them over his mams cos i get in late on girls nights out lol. Ive made myself a mental note not to get too drunk and NOT to start R talk when I get in lol

will update laters

Hugs HB

[hurtingbad]

Well I've been to work today and am just journalling.

Had a great afternoon yesterday and had a great night out, told H before I went out that I would be late home and if he wanted to he could stay over or just sleep on my bed and i would wake hiim up when i got in. He said ok. When i got home he was asleep on my sofa so woke him up and said im home to which he jumped off the sofa put on his trainers gave me a quick peck and went. Was so upset I had offered him the opportunity to stayover and he didnt seem to want it which i thought was fair enough but also felt rejected. After he had gone had a bit of a weep which I havent done for weeks now. So was annoyed at myself for letting him get to me.

Feel a bit better today but seemed to have pulled back away from him a bit probably scared of rejection again lol

Am taking the kids walking in the forest tomorrow before i go to work so we should have a good day.

Going to bed now will update tomorrow

Hugs HB

[stillme]

H, you really don't know what upset him, or why he felt the need to fly off when you got home, do you? Maybe he's just trying (as you are, remember?) to Take Things Slowly. I'm sorry you felt rejected and got weepy (It muset have been the night for weepiness, cuz I was right there w/you - albeit an ocean away!) Jump back on the AS-IF & Slowly-Baby-Steps train and keep on going.

[hurtingbad]

Yes still I have jumped back on that train. I have been out with H all day today with the kids and we have had a great day so not sure what it was with him. Just xcome in from work and asked how he was and he said fine i asked him how he thought things were going and he said they are going ok. So i asked him if everything I was doing was ok and he said yes and i said well im not trying too hard cos i thought it a bit pointless to try I might as well just be myself and it makes things a lot easier and i also think the fact that I dont need you anymore is helping us too. He asked what do you mean you dont need me? I said I dont need you I now know I can cope on my own if I have to but dont get me wrong cos I do want you I just dont need you like I thought I did. You know like I couldnt live without you and he said oh right i undersatnd what you mean now. So we are able to have good days out and have a laugh but things just seem to blow hot and cold just part of the parcel i suppose lol

Hugs HB

[hurtingbad]

Just been for lunch and shopping with H had a good few hours out and a few jokes. We were having our lucnh and i said only 10 weeks today to our hols and he was like oh i cant wait and I said me neither lol. Then I said to him thats 12 weeks to D Day do you think you can cope with me till then?(we have decided to give our chance till we come off hols to see if any tiny little thing has changed before we decide on the future lol) H laughed at me and said I suppose I'll have to wont I and I said no you dont have to (jokingly) and I added i dont want to force you into anything to which he just answered your not forcing me into anything this was a joint decision i was joking I said I know so was I lol and we laughed again. It feels so good to be laughing together lol. we are going to his sisters bbq tonight (even though it looks like it is going to pour down lol) and have got a few drinks to go with I made sure I only got a few of what I like so I dont get drunk lol

Update laters

Hugs HB

[hurtingbad]

Well i'm back updating lol

Had a real good night all with H's family which I am very lucky do not take sides and treat me as part of the family. all was going great until I started to get ready to come home and H asked the kids for a kiss goodnight I was there thinking are you not walking us home? Fair enough its only a 5 - 10 mins walk home home but me and 2 girls walking on our own at 11.30 pm I was thinking even if he has no consideration for me he should worry about his girls walking home but noooo not him so we just came home on our own. feeling a touch annoyed with him. The way I am seeing at the moment after tonight and the way he ran out on me Fri night he isnt really trying to pice this marriage at all.

BUT as I always say tomorrow is another day and things may change. (hopefully)

Hugs HB

[NikB]

Hi HB,

Catching up on you - didn't realize you were in Piecing, that's good news I hope! So glad H has agreed to give it another chance. About the big talk - I think it's good you had that, but I'd leave the R / M talk alone for now. SHOW the changes, rather than talking about them. I see that you're having a lot of those talks - for example this one:

Just xcome in from work and asked how he was and he said fine i asked him how he thought things were going and he said they are going ok. So i asked him if everything I was doing was ok and he said yes and i said well im not trying too hard cos i thought it a bit pointless to try I might as well just be myself and it makes things a lot easier and i also think the fact that I dont need you anymore is helping us too.

I am just barely getting to where I think I may be Piecing soon, but this really jumped out at me as something to avoid? Any others with more Piecing experience have thoughts on this?? It seems to me like if you're having good times together, laughing, feeling more relaxed, just GO with that rather than asking how things are going??

I think of it as more like early dating. Can you imagine on your second date with someone going into a convo like this? 99.9% of guys would take off running!!

I also agree 100% with the advice to keep focusing on making yourself better, remember not to have too many expectations, and don't try to push your H.

The way I am seeing at the moment after tonight and the way he ran out on me Fri night he isnt really trying to pice this marriage at all.

Someone recommended that I re-read this section of DR, and sounds like you should probably do the same. I haven't re-read it yet but Stilltryin mentioned that it talks about getting annoyed, and how to cope with it.

It sounds like you're having a lot of expectations on what he "should" do in order to piece things back together. But maybe his expectations are entirely different, and he's doing it in his own way. On Fri he didn't really run out on you, did he? He just went home after watching the kids for the night. His leaving quickly may have had nothing to do with you, and as you mentioned he wasn't under any kind of obligation to stay just because you hoped he might. Maybe you asking him to stay freaked him out and he didn't want to move too fast... or maybe he had to be up early the next morning and wanted to get to bed, who knows.

On walking you and the girls home - it's entirely possible the thought just didn't cross his mind. Or maybe telling him you didn't need him upset him a bit, maybe he's thinking "Fine she doesn't need me, I won't be there." I'm not saying go into "needy" mode, not at all!! Just thinking it may be related. And I also wouldn't expect him to be a mind-reader. If you were truly worried about walking home, you could have said "H it's pretty late and I'm nervous walking home alone with the girls, would you come with us?"

((((HB))))

Hope today's a better day for you!