M, once again, great to see your update. I'm envious of your "no alcohol" streak. Red wine is one of my limited vices that I'm loathe to give up simply because it I really do enjoy a relaxing evening on the deck with my reds!
You have come such a long way and did indeed put in the hard work to get there. I really like what you said about keeping in touch with those previous feelings and behaviors. They do keep providing us with lessons and reminders. I similarly can't believe I felt and did some of the things I did early on - and this is my second time DBing! I'm glad to hear your STBXW's words and behaviors don't impact you as they once did. You didn't break her; you can't fix her. She is clearly going to continue further down the spiral and, as a MC once told my cousin who dealt with similar spousal issues "If you don't get out, she'll drag you down with her". And that was w/o kids! Lucky they have you for a dad!
I wish you the best outcomes possible with your D settlement. The kids will always look to you and learn from you about in terms of how you interact with their mom. I know this from my own parents' divorce. My father never said a negative word about my mom. When I didn't want to go to her house, he talked with me about why it was important for me to do so and how my unhappiness with her was temporary. Help them. Support them. Show them the best and most healthy way to love their mother while also providing them with the safety to confide in your if their mom's behavior scares or otherwise concerns them. I admire my father very much for taking the high road and believe your kids are likely to feel similarly someday about you.
Please do keep sharing with others on the board what works, doesn't work, what you'd do differently if you could, and other helpful/supportive strategies. Take care, P
