I want to second what Kind says above. You've got to become so good that others (including W) can ignore it. And, nor for them or her - but for yourself. To practice solid self-care. Improve your own well-being. As Kind suggests, R2C reminds us often about what it takes to be an attractive person to others. It doesn't involve being cold, critical, or mean. It does involve a realization that you have faults to address (for your own well-being), strengths to build upon (for your own well-being), friends and family who likely enjoy time with you, a job or trade that hopefully fuels your sense of purpose and/or meaning. Use the gift of time you're being given in "limbo" to apply the guidance you read out here. Prioritize 2-3 things that resonate with you...things you know in the back of your mind you should be working on and let that replace some focus on your W and D. I can tell it is creating anxiety for you and from experience encourage you to put that energy to positive use for yourself. Please trust me and others in suggesting it is better than engaging your W in the ways she's trying to engage you.
I have a week on my own at the moment. She has taken the children to see family, feels really weird to not constantly look after others. Plus I am on much-needed holidays after several months that have been very intense at work.
I am abroad with family myself, so taking lots of time to meet family and friends. Next week I have another trip to one of the French wine regions to stock up. I have been working on my hobby which I neglected for years and am looking to build up a nice wine cellar. Need to save up for next year to go to one of the Italian regions that I love and stock up there as well.
Work has been good as well despite being intense. I have been working with a mentor to act as a sounding board, which has been quite helpful as well. Your points on 2-3 things to work on are well-made. I have some projects in mind, but will also think hard which behavioural traits I want to change.
I will give some thought to your point on the ways in which my wife is trying to engage me. I have been trying to take out negative interaction, in particular when she gets emotional. However, last week she did bring up something professional she is thinking about which would have implications on me (including a potential move). I did explain to her that she does need to think about what she wants - if she does want to separate, that will mean splitting assets and her needing to get a full time job (she is thinking that I will keep paying for everything).
Not a discussion that I wanted to have during my holidays. I did side-step any conflict during two similar conversations in previous days, when I just listened to her.
