My H is currently talking to other women, when our separation first started he slept with one woman, at first he hid it from me but then once it was out in the open he told me he was sorry and I had been right about sex with a random person compared to someone you love is completely different. (My husband has only ever been with me sexually until this) My H told me he wants a divorce after I found out about the other woman. I can tell how guilty he feels for having slept with someone else so he has been pushing me away emotionally for the most part since i found out about 2 week ago. I got Divorce Remedy about a month ago when my husband had first mentioned divorce and I am trying to apply all the advice and techniques. When I first discussed the adultery with my husband I was upset, and yelling, and did not at all handle the situation well, basically I screamed at him and woke him up in the middle of the night. He had to be up in like 4 hours and doesnt handle anything well when hes tired so he basically got in his car that night and went to stay at his moms. We didn't discuss it almost at all that night. I did however ask him if the reason he was sure about divorce (which he had said to me he wanted, period, after I screamed at him) was because he wasn't in love with me anymore or because he doesnt believe I could ever forgive him for sleeping with another woman? He told me "a little of both" in which i replied "So you don't love me anymore?" and he said "of course i love you" and got in his car and left.
Right now I am trying to be my H Friend, he has told me I'm his best friend constantly, almost every day throughout this whole process. So I am trying to think of him only as my best friend, so i can be there for him, and be a positive safe place for him, hoping he will remember why we got married and fell in love in the first place. Some days he's cold and distant, other days he gets ahold of me constantly just to talk.
Example, Yesterday I was running errands and had to waste time in the town my Husband is a police officer in, he knew i was in town and found me over the course of about 3 hours, 3 different times, and stopped and talked to me for at least 30 minutes each time, we didn't discuss our relationship or marriage at all. We just talked about our days and all kinds of things just at Friends would, he called me on his way home from work (which he hasn't been doing for the last 2-3 weeks) and asked if I'd be home as he was going to pick us up Pizza if i was okay with that. We watched tv together at home that evening. Also side note, during this time we have still been in the same bed every night and have even been having sex, I'm a very sexual being and its been a hard process to stop. As of last night in my decision to be his friend I told him that as long as he is talking to other women and 100% sure about divorce (as he's said) I can't be sleeping next to him and having sex with him. I told him I want to work on our marriage but as long as he doesn't and is talking to other women He cant have it all. He was quiet for a minute, i could see the sadness and the hurt in his eyes he then said "I understand, So you know I am not having sex with anyone else, I am talking to other women but only as friends" And yes i 100% believe him, my gut has always been right when it comes to him on lies etc. so I am trusting it now. I told him we need to make time and have a discussion about boundaries and why he wants a divorce. (Now i know we are suppose to avoid discussing the relationship and I am going to try to not go too deep into things BUT since the divorce was mentioned my husband has been working nonstop and we have never discussed why he wants it or boundaries at ALL so i believe we need to at least discuss it once).
Now if anyone has any advice on what should be brought up during this conversation or perhaps ways I should discuss certain topics, I would very much appreciate it Greatly.
You will receive more assistance if you stick with your thread over in Newcomers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
