I've been more focused on living in the moment, cultivating gratitude and working on becoming the person I ultimately want to be. I think I am making progress but, as always, there is still much to learn.
I also noticed that my first instinct was to take care of him. I would say old habits die hard but I've since come to understand that having compassion and empathy for others is just who I am at my core and when I live my life that way, I feel like my best self. It's taken me awhile to regain my equilibrium in that way but now that I have, I am grateful for what I went though because I think it has made me an even better person in that regard.
Hi DejaVu6,
These 2 quotes actually go hand in hand. I have found this out for myself the last months as well. and it actually feels great to finally embrace this.
KML - NDE’s are indeed fascinating. I know that the theoretical assumption around them has always been that it is the results of drugs or that it is a strange thing that you brain does when you are at death’s door. I’m not so sure for a couple of reasons… 1. The commonalities between experiences that seem unaffected by someone’s beliefs (atheists versus religious people) and how incredibly vivid the experiences are so that people remember every detail even years, sometimes decades, later. Unlike dreams where details tend to fade away very quickly. 2. These experiences happen when there is no measurable brain activity. I’m reading a book called Proof of Heaven that is written by a neurosurgeon who absolutely did not believe in heaven or an afterlife prior to contracting a catastrophic infection in his brain that should have killed him but when it didn’t, should have left him intellectually compromised. Yet he wakes up from a coma seven days later with all of his intellectual abilities intact and reporting this amazing visit to the other side. 3. People who go through this report being profoundly impacted by it and say that it has changed how they live their lives. 4. There have been highly documented cases of miraculous recoveries from certain death following some of these experiences (i.e. Anita Moorjani) that cannot be explained by medical experts…a miracle is the only explanation. Anyway…definitely becoming an obsession of mine…lol.
RE: picking up a handsome Croatian guy? Fingers crossed…lol.
DnJ - Thank you. I really do have to believe there are reasons for most things that happen to people. XH is very much her biggest support system and I know she loves him very much. If she had had to go through this without him, it would be so much worse. And XH is stepping up. XH of old would have one foot out the door and looking for any way to avoid being there. But he’s not. He’s there for her and I am really proud of him. Hopefully when all is said and done, he will incorporate the lessons learned and live his life in a more honest and honourable way going forward.
Eagle - I am glad my post resonated with you. It does feel good, doesn’t it? RE: Croatia. My sister has been bugging me to go there for a few years now. Really grateful I am able to do it finally. Booked the tickets yesterday so it’s a done deal. Can’t wait!!!
It’s been a bit of a rough week. Was in Vegas last week and found out that a longtime friend had passed away a few weeks ago but his wife hadn’t really told anyone. I also got some text messages from an old pool friend, my age, who is receiving palliative chemo for stage four cancer and wants to see me before she is too ill to visit with people. When I got home, found out another friend had had emergency heart surgery the night before and was on life support. He died the next morning. The day after that, I went back to work and was told we had lost another youth to a drug overdose. That’s four in the last year. Got home after work and started seeing Facebook posts about another friend who had unexpectedly passed away. He was my age. Still no clue what happened.
To top everything off, I got a text from XH that their family vacation to the Cayman Islands this weekend had been cancelled as his wife is too ill to travel. A day later, he texted me to ask for my help in getting our kids new passports so he can take them to visit his best friend and favourite cousins in Europe in June when I’m in Croatia. I then found out that his wife is in palliative care in the hospital and there is no treatment for her to get better. It is all about trying to make her remaining days as comfortable as possible. I’ve had a few texts from XH that tell me he is really overwhelmed. He loathes to give me any insight into his mental state so the fact that I know this means he is really struggling. I find myself worrying about him, and her, and wanting to help. And I’m sad.
Needless to say… this has been a really unexpectedly crappy week. Getting older sux. Losing people sux. The randomness and unfairness of life, and death, sux.
Anyway…sorry for my whine fest. Trying to stay super strong and positive for my kids and just needed to somewhere to vent a bit. Not looking forward to what next week holds.
Oh DejaVu, that sounds really tough. When it rains, it pours.
Getting older is certainly a wake up call. People who used to seem like superheroes suddenly becoming weak and ill makes you question your own mortality.
You’re a good person. Seeing the empathy you have for your XH is remarkable after everything that happened.
I think the best way to support him would be to refer him to others, like his friends/family or professional help.
You helping him out, as much as it’s from a good heart and motivation, is a potential problem if feelings start getting involved. I’d steer clear of being involved too much.
